Anyone had to bankrupt due to partner becoming full time mum

fermi

Have seen someone say somewhere that they have sent out stuff with "the insolvency service" written on the envelope?

Can't remember with mine. To looooong ago.

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=67323026&postcount=3

duchy

Chris4877 wrote: »

I at no point said I was scared to tell her, that delicate flower you talk of is currently boarder line post natal depressive due to an extremely high maintanance child that doesn't feed or sleep very well. Il tell her when she can handle it and she will understand. With regards to being frugle, my debts are currently around £1000 a month, once my fianc!e's maternity allowance stops then my wage covers all household expenditures with nothing for a social life, it's as fridge as I can be, thanks for your advice

That doesn't address the trust issues.
New Mums are very protective of their children and often feel vulnerable -don't assume you know how she will react. Parenthood changes a lot. She'll also likely want to buy loads for the baby -and if she doesn't fully understand there is no spare money to do so- that will bring more problems.

I know you think I'm being harsh but you really need to think through every step first -but hopefully your situation might help someone else in alerting them to the dangers of how things can change when you have a child and lose a wage once you realize how expensive childcare is. (I took a different route -intended to go back fulltime but realized that part-time was actually financially better after tax and childcare and commuting costs as well as giving me more Mum time- maybe an option to look at if you haven't already. I worked 3 days 2 with childcare and the other my husband looked after our child which not only saved childcare costs but gave him time with our child that he missed out on in the week as he often got home after our son was asleep. ) I didn't earn a fortune but it kept our heads above water and meant we didn't have to wait years to get a mortgage due to shot credit.

Chris4877

We've discussed the fact there is no real spare income when she doesn't return to work, we'd be in the same position even if she did go back to work as any other income coming in (not a lot as she doesn't earn much) would have to be declared and given to the OR would it not, I was told anything surplus over £50 goes to the OR

tomtontom

Your pension payment is very high, is this through choice or are you a high earner?

Chris4877

It's a percentage of my wage, it's the only contribution I can make. I came out of my pension two years ago to save me going bankrupt to continue paying my debts, my debt has actually reduced a lot over them two years. If I stayed out of my pension to pay my debts I would never have a pension

lilybankrupt

I'm sorry to hear of your situation, it sounds like your fiance is going through a tough time?

I would think long and hard about the decision not to tell her though. The problem is that BR is going to involve some changes - for example you'd be wise to ensure you have no joint accounts and you will only be able to have a basic bank account after BR. You may find that utility companies close your existing account and open a new one. And that's without the letters marked 'insolvency service' coming through the door.

My view is that she will find out anyway, or at the very least get suspicious / concerned as to what is going on. If she's having some mental health issues already she may start to worry you're having an affair or planning to leave or something, especially if you say you can no longer have a joint account.

So if she's going to find out anyway, honestly I would tell her before that happens. The fact of your BR remains the same either way, but surely adding lies and suspicion is only going to make things worse?

doomandgloom

I second most people on here, it would be in both of your interests to let her know.

I'm a single parent so I never had a partner to inform. And anyone who has responded to any of my early posts on here will know that I felt very down and a failure for declaring myself BR.

However my overriding factor was that I was becoming a mum and my little one deserved a better life than one where I would be scrimping to pay the debts every month for the next 30 years. I'm about 6 months in and only just starting to see BR as a fresh start. But that is what it is really. So maybe you could position it that way to your fianc!?

From the sounds of things you may not be subject to an IPA but without knowing your incoming and outgoing expenses i could not say for sure. But if you're not then it's just one year you have to get out of the way until discharge.

Good luck

justworried

My wife and I are on debt management with Stepchange,we are both in out late sixties and the debt is too high for us to clear.We don't own any properties of any thing of value.I am at this moment waiting to have a chest xray done as im coughing up blood and I fear for the worst.I love my wife soo much and we have been together for over fourty years.I don't want to leave her with this large debt.We sold our last home and put any profit down with my daughter and son in law profit on their sail into a deposit on a larger home for us all to share.My son in law and daughters name are on the home ownership and have paid the mortgage since moving in five years ago.The debt agency has told me to look at going bankrupt,what would this mean on the property?would they be forced to sell it,if not would that be the best answer for clearing my debt for my wife?

Pricivius

To add to the points others have made, I would be absolutely livid if my partner made such a huge decision which affects all of us without consulting me. Why do you get to make such a huge decision on behalf of the family?

It appears you have both decided that your fiancee is not returning to work after her maternity leave, but how could she have made this decision when she is ignorant of some of the crucial information? It was not an informed decision as she has no idea about the true financial state of your affairs. Whatever maths you did to work out whether the family would be better off with her working FT, PT or as a SAHM must have missed out a huge chunk of the relevant figures.

No matter how overwhelmed she is feeling right now, once she finds out you have kept this from her and made decisions with her without telling her important information, there is a distinct possibility her feelings of vulnerability and being out of her depth will multiply. I hope you are right that she will just take this in her stride and be fine with it, but please think very carefully before taking such a huge decision without discussing it with yor chosen life partner.

Louk

You must tell her, wether that means delaying bankruptcy until you feel she is better able to cope. This is a decision that is going to affect you for a long time. You are a growing family who may want to buy a home in the future etc etc.

My ex was a gambler and bit by bit I, then a new mum myself, uncovered his habit, lies and debts that he hid from me to "protect me". It's devastating, 5 years later and we are divorced and I have just been discharged from bankruptcy (caused by by his failure to tell me he was not paying the mortgage on our old home) and I am about to start seeing a counsellor because of the results of all this.