How do you decide when to have children?

Em88

Mattygroves2 wrote: »

So I'd go against the other posters and suggest having the child before buying the business. Or you may find yourself having to wait a long time until you've got a number 2 you can trust at work if you want to have more than a couple of weeks off on maternity.

What's the problem with you both working - I would have thought it was the norm in London to have both parents working. You'd have to factor in the cost of childcare though and it might be cheaper for your OH to go part time. Congratulations on finding yourself a partner who isn't phased by stereotypes - I doubt I know anyone who'd be happy as a SAHD.

I wouldn't be concerned about leaving the company in my co-owners hands while I was away plus as my DH would be a SAHD then I wouldn't need to be off loads. As I am relatively newly qualified in my career I think taking time off would be a hindrance. There is nothing wrong with us both working but it would be nice if we could afford for that not to be the case. Plus is my DH were a SAHD he would be able to do more freelance stuff that interests him more than his day job does.

themull1

I had my daughter when i was 30 after a night out, i got drunk and obviously didnt need contraception!! I was never going to have kids.This was with my husband btw not a one night stand! There will never be the 'right' time, and how do you know that when you do decide, you will actually be able to conceive? or it might take years. Do it now if you're going to do it, when age is in your favour.

thriftylass

Em88 wrote: »

Part of what makes it hard is that my mum is absolutely desperate to be a grandmother. We were out for dinner for my birthday a couple of years ago when my friend had just had her second child and my mum said she wishes he could swap places with my friend's mum so she had grandchildren already. My dad has also mentioned recently that it would be nice if we had children before he was an old grandad!

As harsh as it sounds but it has nothing to do with them, it is not their choice. Don't let that pressure you into a decission. My mum wanted grandkids since she was 46. She had to wait another 13 years . Yes it would be nice not be old grandparents but I would never ask my children to have children because of that. Although I'm probably overreacting as I'm sure it was just a comment they made without thinking what it means to you.

aileth

We decided after I woke up one morning with the absolutely overwhelming urge to procreate. I'm 27.

We went out for lunch and I told OH how I was feeling. He was delighted. My parents are odd ones, they have always said they don't want to be grandparents as it makes them feel 'old.' However, on letting them know our intentions my dad was ecstatic. My mum had some reservations, but nowhere near what I was expecting.

We are currently TTC atm.

When we had discussed kids previously, we wanted to have thousands in savings, a new house, etc, etc. But when we sat down and discussed it, we realised we are actually in a fairly good position, especially compared to some people. We own a house that's big enough, a car, we have some debt sure, and a very small amount of savings. We figured by the time we waited to be in 'the' perfect position, my uterus would've probably dried up and flown away!

A big boon for us though is that I can switch to working from home, so although our income of course would be affected, it certainly wouldn't be severe.

GoldenShadow

I think if you can consider the prospect of waiting four years and feel OK about that, then that is half of your answer.

I'm 23, OH 26. Been together 3 years and saving for a deposit to buy a house. Employment wise I'm on a 2.5 year contract expiring March 2017. I want a house, then kids. I am quite miserable about the fact this could be 3-5 years away. I don't have loads of things that I want to do before I have kids, don't care for holidays, would rather build career after kids and keep going than build it, have kids and go back to building it etc. I don't think I would be very interested in rebuilding my career post kids if I had them in my 30's. I worry I may be inclined to never go back..! So doing the kids thing a bit younger would hopefully give me more momentum to keep going career wise later on.

I am impatient, and I have felt this way for quite a while which is how I have become confident in this 'route' for now

Em88

Thank you to everyone for their comments.

I think I already know that for us it just makes so much more sense to hold off for now and then try in a few years. We will be much better off financially and also will have had the chance to enjoy the things we currently enjoy a bit longer.

I know we cannot guarantee that we will conceive at that time but there is no guarantee now either and if it happened after I own the business we would have money for IVF etc, or we could adopt, or we could carry on as we are just the two of us. My DH is my best friend so if the rest of our lives were just the two of us it's not like it is a bad thing.

I think I just need to accept that I will not make my parents happy in terms of grandchildren but that's ok.

roses

I had my first at 35 and it still held back my career.

There will never be a perfect time but there will be a time when it just feels right and you'll know when it arrives.

sulphate

roses wrote: »

I had my first at 35 and it still held back my career.

There will never be a perfect time but there will be a time when it just feels right and you'll know when it arrives.

I agree

The right time for someone else isn't necessarily the right time for you.

I'm 27 and had my first baby 3 weeks ago, my career is already affected because I turned down a job offer when I found out I was pregnant! My choice though.
We don't have loads of money, and only have a small 2 bed house, and if we had waited longer we might have a bigger house etc but we decided to have a baby first and we can always upsize later. But we have more than enough.
I don't think having a baby when you live pay check to pay check is sensible but if you have a reasonable sum of disposable income then it's ok.
When you have a baby the amount of money you spend on other things dramatically reduces anyway.

As you rightly said consider the impact on your lifestyle. I feel like we've had enough nights out etc!

Definitely don't feel like you should have a baby now to make your parents happy with regards to grandchildren. They won't be the ones trying to settle a screaming baby at 3am!

Em88

I know someone who used to work in a firm down the road who had a baby recently and when I spoke with her before she had him she said it felt like career suicide... I think there is still a big impact for women and it makes it easier (generally) to decide to have if it is their wife who will be the one making most of the sacrifices. I know I am very lucky that my DH is happy to be a SAHD if it is what makes more sense for us as a family. He is very supportive of my career.

My parents definitely won't be the ones looking after it in the small hours. They wouldn't see it that much either as we live around 2 hours away from them - that will be another problem. I get made to feel bad about moving away from home already, I can't imagine what it will be like when we have children!

The fact that we don't have family near by is another reason that makes me think wait a bit. Currently we go out nearly once a week to a comedy or music gig or meeting friends at the pub etc. We won't be able to do that once we have children so best to make the most of being able to do that now!