No More Chardonnay for me! My booze-free Diary

Chardonnay

HB, you speak so much sense as usual! I think maybe that's what puts a lot of us off stopping drinking altogether. For me, it's like I'm waiting for the lightbulb moment where I no longer even want to drink any more but I know that's not going to happen. We just have to make a decision and stick to it, through thick and thin. It's so great to hear that you never even think about having a drink any more. You are such an inspiration and your advice and experience as someone who has been there and come out the other side is so valuable!

OH and I went away for the weekend and got back yesterday. I hadn't drank at all since the previous Saturday. On Friday, when we arrived, I had a glass of wine with my lunch then OH and I shared a bottle of wine on the evening. On Saturday, we walked to the local country pub and I had a pint and a half of cider, then a glass of wine with lunch and OH and I shared a bottle with dinner again.

So not an awful lot, but enough to make me feel really tired. I just felt below par for the whole weekend - really disappointing. I also woke up in the early hours of Sunday morning feeling panicky, with my heart starting to race. I haven't felt like that for such a long time now - it wasn't nice. I did some deep breathing and it passed but it's made me start thinking about whether I should carry on drinking at all. I just seem to have such a low tolerance to alcohol now. Even OH said to me last night that maybe I should stop drinking again.

To be truthful, I kind of miss being AF in a way. I loved reading the blogs, being part of the AF community. I really felt like I was part of something special - sounds silly maybe but that I was going against the norm, and I liked that

But then I think I don't like the restriction of not being able to just have one glass of champagne or Prosecco or not being able to have a glass of wine with dinner (although truthfully I had to force down the last of my wine on Saturday night as it tasted acidic). And the thought of having just the one - well it's a bit of an illusion really isn't it as it's rarely just the one!

All food for thought! Hope you are both ok and have a great Monday and it's so lovely to hear from you both!

MarylandCookie_2

Hi Chardonnay, thank you for your post, I found it really helpful, we certainly do sound very similar! I'm on day 10 AF and have found it pretty easy to be honest, I've not wanted or thought about having a drink. Went to a party Saturday, that was infact an all day drinking session for some of the gang! I decided to drive and had no qualms about not having a drink. It was interesting to see how people changed as the day went on, and how they suffered the next day!! That being said I know I don't want to commit to a life of AF, for the very same reasons you stated. But again like you I love the sober blogs and being part of that community. Interesting, and lots of food for thought!

I'm loving my training at the moment, I'm doing a lot of heavy (for me) weights, squats, dead lifts, bench press and over head press and cannot believe the change in my shape. I've always exercised, for the last 20 odd years have been to the gym, done classes etc, but this is the only thing that has made an obvious change to my body. I love it!! I used to run 3x a week getting up to 10k a run, but never really enjoyed it, I'm not a natural runner and after the runs I did never felt the sense of achievement that I'm getting now - but it's about finding what you love and enjoy and will stick too isn't it? I still do a bit of cardio in my classes, but prefer strength traing now.

So happy the kittens are settling in, my fur baby is curled up at the side of me snoring away! I wouldn't be without her!

Have a great week, good luck at your next couple of socials, l shall be thinking about you xxx

Honey_Bear

Now that I've been AF for over a year it doesn't feel as though I've given up anything worth having. It's very much like being and smoker and then being a non-smoker - the process is a toughie initially but once you get past the cravings it genuinely is a breeze compared to the early days.

Honestly, if I'd known going through the metamorphosis led to this quality of life as (relatively) quickly as it has, I would have been able to consider stopping drinking much sooner. The thought that stopped me was always, always, always, 'But how will I celebrate birthdays/Christmas/achieving something special?' I felt bereft at the very thought of never being able to celebrate things with the people I wanted to share those special occasions with. How's that for brain-washing?

I didn't need booze for decades, but once I was in the habit of drinking to express happiness, I was stuck in a rut and couldn't see how life would be better out of it. Classic case of an abusive relationship, isn't it?

Walking away from any abusive relationship is difficult and for those of us who can and do I think there is always a point at which we realise that no matter how bad life on the other side seems, this one has got so bad it's worth taking the risk.

To succeed at anything that's difficult I think we have to want it a lot, or at least have a shedload of self-discipline. I just wanted it enough, and the self-discipline came because I chose the right support to help me through.

Chardonnay

Hi MC, well done for doing 10 days AF and for driving to the party. Interesting that you didn't miss drinking! Have you had a drink at all?

Well done on the weight training. Your enthusiasm is obvious! It's great that you've found an exercise that you love. I really think that's the key. I love my running but my best friend loves swimming and we both get such a buzz out of it and that is so important

HB your comparison with being a non smoker is really interesting. I found giving up smoking quite easy when I put my mind to it and now it very very rarely crosses me mind to have a cigarette. Maybe once or twice a year, very fleetingly for like 10 seconds? It's amazing that you now feel the same way about booze. I guess it's all about getting rid of the brain washing and starting new habits. You are still such an inspiration and will be to anyone who decides to stop drinking. Your contributions are invaluable!

For me, I didn't drink at all for a week and then had a half bottle of Prosecco last night. I did enjoy it and feel ok today. I think in reality I have not reached that place where I want to stop drinking altogether and as you say, you really do need to be committed to do that, which I am not. I drink far less than I used to - the main problem now is not so much I don't know when to stop (which I didn't in the past). It is more how even moderate amounts of alcohol seem to affect me. I'll continue with my trial and error though and keep an open mind and see how I get on.

Hope you're both having a fab weekend!

lulabelle

have just stumbled across this diary and thought I'd subscribe.

not read it all but from what i've read i think we might be quite similar.

i've always had a low tolerance to alcohol but reckon that has worsened in the last couple of years.

i can sometimes just drink a couple then that's enough but oftentimes i drink so much i can't remember what happened. the other week i drank so much that i spent all next day being sick and couldn't even keep water down.

worried i will lose my partner over it if not careful and there have def been occasions when i've done stupid things as a result of booze.

going to read this diary for inspiration!

MarylandCookie_2

Morning all, and welcome Lulabelle.

Had a great weekend, busy though where does the time go? I didn't feel tempted to drink until yesterday, I was watching Sunday brunch with Simon Rimmer and Tim Lovejoy (i blame them lol!!) they were wine tasting and reviewing a Rioja, the description was so good my mouth was watering! I bought a bottle and had a glass with Sunday lunch, and I really enjoyed it, it was delicious. I feel exactly the same as you, if I can moderate, which I'm getting better at, that's the plan going forward.

How are the kittens Chardonnany? Hope they are doing ok and have settled in.

Have you done park run this weekend? The weather was lovely yesterday, I went to the gym but thought how nice it would be to run through the leaves in the sunshine! PT again this week, I wonder what joys are ahead?! Can't wait, he really pushes me and I'm stronger than I thought possible! I'm also keeping a food diary which is interesting!!

Have a great week everyone - happy moderating :0)xx

Honey_Bear

Chardonnay wrote: »

I found giving up smoking quite easy when I put my mind to it and now it very very rarely crosses me mind to have a cigarette. Maybe once or twice a year, very fleetingly for like 10 seconds? It's amazing that you now feel the same way about booze. I guess it's all about getting rid of the brain washing and starting new habits.

Thank you for your kind words. I'm just trying to make sure people understand that life without booze feels better than life with booze for some people, and I happen to be one of them. I wanted to be a non-smoker for years before I managed to give up and I tried everything - hypnosis, acupuncture, patches (twice), absolutely everything. When I finally did stop - just willpower. And no-one was more amazed than me. I had cravings, obviously, and for the first two weeks I couldn't think about anything else, but they faded gradually and within a year I found myself thinking, 'I used to do something nice now; what was it? Oh yeah, have a fag. Oh well.' and that was that. That stage lasted quite a long time but nine years on it's been so long since I had that happen I never think about smoking at all any more unless I smell it on someone's clothes. (Yuk)

A year plus a bit on after stopping drinking I can't say it's the same about booze. I'm genuinely shocked at how dependent we've become as a society about needing booze to have to good time. I was invited to a halloween party on Saturday and listening to the hostess planning it - it was all about vodka shots, and something or other jellies etc etc. It just made me sad.

Which is why I've highlighted this bit of MC's post:

MarylandCookie wrote: »

I didn't feel tempted to drink until yesterday, I was watching Sunday brunch with Simon Rimmer and Tim Lovejoy (i blame them lol!!) they were wine tasting and reviewing a Rioja, the description was so good my mouth was watering!

It's OH's favourite wine and I enjoyed it too, but really my point was - it's everywhere. The temptation to drink really is ubiquitous now and it wasn't when I was growing up. I didn't start drinking until I was in my late 30s, now it's normal for people to drink from the legal age. I fear for them, I honestly do.

In almost all modern drama on TV people come home from work ... and pour themselves a glass of wine. No-one, apparently, makes a cup of tea any more.

We're so conditioned to think and believe booze is where we start being ourselves when we're not working that anyone who doesn't drink is seen as abnormal now.

I'm so glad I got out when I did and I know most people don't need to but I don't think most people realise that this new normal is actually, in terms of human evolution, not progress.

Chardonnay

Hi Lulabelle and welcome to the thread! :hello: It does sounds like we are similar! My tolerance to alcohol definitely seems to be getting worse as I get older.

I have definitely been there with the being sick all day the next day and not remembering what happened. Thankfully, that hasn't happened for a good while so that does make me realise that my drinking habits have definitely improved a lot. It's so horrible to be in that place and it has taken me days to recover from a binge like that, so you really have my sympathy!

Are you planning on stopping drinking or cutting down? Have you seen the cutting down/stopping alcohol thread on here? I haven't caught up with it for a while, but that has really really helped me to moderate my alcohol intake. That can be a great tool to help you think about what you're drinking.

Please keep posting here too though as will be great to hear how you're getting on!

Chardonnay

Hi MC! Pleased you had a great weekend and well done on just having the one glass of Rioja with lunch - sounds perfect!

The kittens are great thanks MC. They are 4 months old now and getting up to lots of mischief! They bring a lot of fun to the house, they are so naughty!

I haven't done parkrun for a couple of weeks with being away and then working last Saturday but I am doing it this week and can't wait to get back into it again! I have still been running though. I did 10k on Tuesday and OH and I went to go out this morning but it started raining and was thoroughly miserable so we gave up and came back. That's the only trouble with winter running!

Sounds like you're doing really well with the gym. Great to have a PT too - that must really push you! And well done on the food diary. Are you noticing a big difference?

Chardonnay

Morning HB! You are so great to have around because when we first think of stopping drinking, it feels like such a massive hill to climb and like we are really depriving ourselves of such a great pleasure. Your experiences are invaluable and your positive attitude actually makes me want to stop drinking again! But I am going to carry on as I am for now and see how I get on I think.

Yes it is very sad how booze is such a massive part of our society now, particularly in the UK. Everything seems to revolve around drink and as you say, it is brought into every situation somehow or other. The drinks industry have been very clever in their advertising in making people think it's an essential part of enjoying our lives. It's sophisticated to drink wine - right? They do it all the time on the soaps as you say, come home from work, pour a glass of wine. And my personal favourite, the high flying bosses that pour themselves a whisky in their office! What's all that about?!

When I stopped drinking I guess I noticed it more. We have all been very brainwashed, and it's so ridiculous that it is the norm to drink and that people who don't drink are somehow abnormal. I really hope that the tide is turning with that and that people can see what is actually happening here!