Advice needed for Partner's debt problem

wit40iwtwan

Hi there

My partner is near on £40K in debt and has stopped paying these debts for the past 18 - 24 months to the best of my knowledge. They are not causing me any issues other than I know they stress him out. Bit of background. Messy divorce about 5 years ago and what I can only assume was out of control spending and denial have caused his debts. He is of the opinion that it is his problem and that he is waiting for the creditors to declare him bancrupt.

We have only recently moved in together and I earn a good salary. The rented accomodation and all utility bills are in my name. In fairness he now lives within his means and does not want ANY debt. I know he thinks by waiting for the creditors to make him bancrupt it will be like the past is finally put to bed. I on the otherhand think he should contact the creditors and try to stay away from bancrupcy. It puts pressure on me in that if we ever want to buy a house it will all have to be in my name,etc.

I have a few specific questions and then am open for whatever advise anyone can offer me, if anyone has been in a similar situation that would also be welcome.

1. If someone has debts to only TWO different companies is that reason why they will not consider stopping the interest and accepting some sort of lesser payment? My partner has told me this is what he has been told. He apparently contacted the creditors saying he could not afford the repayments and was told pretty much that it was tough.

2. How long do creditors chase someone before they give up? He has moved and kept off the voters roll, even now his address details are secret to everyone but his work.

I want to support him but it is a difficult topic when the relationship is still in its infancy (+-2 years)... I have a reasonable credit rating. If I were to secure a loan for 25% of his outstanding - would this be something I should consider and offer the creditors full settlement?

What are his options and what are mine? Can I talk to the creditors if he really is in denial? I doubt it but this forum is probably my only hope right now. I want him to do the right thing for everyone, but I do not want to be lumbered with debt for the rest of our lives? Is it wrong to let the creditors make him bancrupt - I hear that is then only a 2 year thing? HELP

rog2

I would advise that he talks to one of the debt counselling charities as soon as possible. There are links to CCCS, CAB, Payplan and the National Debtline via the DFW resource bar. Their advice is free, professional and confidential.
I would NOT advise simply waiting for a creditor to make him bankrupt - firstly, he will NOT have the same control of the situation that he would have if he self-petitions, and secondly creditors tend to resort to some very unpleasant tactics before considering bankruptcy.
Neither would I reccomend that YOU borrow to pay off his debts. I would reccomend, strongly, that you keep ALL accounts in separate names and have NO financial attachment whatsoever until the matter is resolved.
His creditors should NOT discuss his debts with you, unless he has authorised them to do so.

PixiePie

wit40iwtwan wrote: »

I have a reasonable credit rating. If I were to secure a loan for 25% of his outstanding - would this be something I should consider and offer the creditors full settlement?

What are his options and what are mine? Can I talk to the creditors if he really is in denial? I doubt it but this forum is probably my only hope right now. I want him to do the right thing for everyone, but I do not want to be lumbered with debt for the rest of our lives? Is it wrong to let the creditors make him bancrupt - I hear that is then only a 2 year thing? HELP

I can't comment on a lot of that I'm afraid but the thought of you getting a loan to help him out PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS. My father did this for me and it did not help and has made things worse because now I am going BR but this will not be included in the BR and it makes me feel like total scum. So PLEASE do not do this, it will only help to make your partner feel worse about everything.

You cannot talk to his creditors unless he has given them (written I think) permission for you to deal with his affairs I am afraid (which makes sense, anyone could ring up and say. yeah he's letting me talk on his behalf...). It depends on who you talk to about is it wrong to let his creditors make him BR - those that are against BR would probably say yes, in my case I would welcome it and thank them profusely if they would as I really really can't get the money together to pay for my BR at the moment or in the near future, so it would be a weight off my mind. It doesn't automatically impose any further restrictions (like a BRU/BRO) on you as far as I am aware - please check this with one of the charities (CCCS/National Debtline/CAB money advisor, this is free and totally impartial advice). Also as far as I am aware there isn't a specific time limit like 2 years etc, it can be for any amount over £750 BUT it is very unlikely this will happen as I understand (and logically) as they get nothing out of it if the BR doesn't have any assets (which is usually the case - if we had a Rembrandt in the loft we wouldn't be going BR now would we?), it costs them over £1000, whereas if they keep the debt going they might just get the money somehow. If you mean '2 year thing' the after effects of being BR that really is not the case - you're BR for 1 year (or less) and then it's on your file for 6 years, but it is something you will always for the rest of your life have to admit to when applying for certain things (eg a lot of insurance policies ask if you have ever been BR and if you have you cannot lie as this is fraud). So it does impact, but read through the thread to get a balanced view of this I would say and talk to the charities to get more info on it (the others have links in their signitures so can link you staight to their websites). Struggling to repay the debt however can be years and years and years of strife and worry and if you just can't do it, you can't do it, so BR is there as a tool for this (otherwise it wouldn't be there).

The bit about creditors not accepting something (sorry I don't totally understand that bit) - at the end of the day they want money, and generally the full amount. If they even think a sniff of it is going to happen they will not accept anything less than this as they want their money. So them not accepting a payment plan and freezing the interest is just them being mean - if you go through CSSS etc they can help set up payment plans that if your OH really does not have enough money to repay the statement amounts etc they have to accept I believe based on his I&Es. They will probably never give up chasing him is the bad news on that comment, (or fair news one might argue) but then who wants to go through life looking over their shoulder anyway? I have done over the past few years and it totally and utterly sucks and drains the life out of you until you are exisiting not living (not really to do with debt but where we have been 'living'...long story).

I hope that helps a bit, more questions feel free to ask on here people are really very helpful, and don't forget to go to one of the charities for proper excellent and FREE non-biased advice

tallyhoh

I would really like to say something positive and reassuring but the only thing I can think of right now is: Run like the wind!!!!! if he doesn't think he has a problem and wont do anything about it

See my previous posts for reasons why.

wit40iwtwan

Thank you all for the advise - from this I agree that I should not get into debt to get my partner out of debt and that he should contact one of the agencies. My only real challenge now is to somehow get him to acknowledge the need do something. Does anyone know how I can delicately handle this? Any suggestions?

NekoZombie

wit40iwtwan wrote: »

Hi there

He is of the opinion that it is his problem and that he is waiting for the creditors to declare him bancrupt.

2. How long do creditors chase someone before they give up? He has moved and kept off the voters roll, even now his address details are secret to everyone but his work.

So does he want to be declared bankrupt or not? They're going to find this very hard to do if they don't even know where he lives....

rog2

wit40iwtwan wrote: »

Thank you all for the advise - from this I agree that I should not get into debt to get my partner out of debt and that he should contact one of the agencies. My only real challenge now is to somehow get him to acknowledge the need do something. Does anyone know how I can delicately handle this? Any suggestions?

Just tell him that if he is determined to go for bankruptcy he should seriously consider a debtor petition as his creditors will go out of their way to make life uncomfortable for him BEFORE they deliver the coup de grace of a creditor's petition.
If he is in any doubt, get him to read through the threads on this, and the DFW, board.

BrandNewDay

wit40iwtwan wrote: »

Thank you all for the advise - from this I agree that I should not get into debt to get my partner out of debt and that he should contact one of the agencies. My only real challenge now is to somehow get him to acknowledge the need do something. Does anyone know how I can delicately handle this? Any suggestions?

I am glad that you're not going to take on any of your partner's debt. It would have been very inconvenient to me to have to reach through my computer and shake you.

It sounds like you're asking, "Is there any way to make my man do what I think he ought to do, when he doesn't want to do it?"

Short answer: no.

Longer answer: Not really, but you can do what is best for YOU and see if he doesn't get inspired to do what you want him to do. In other words, don't pay any of his debts or cover for him in any way. That means don't make it easy for him to continue as he is by lying for him or signing off on things for him or cashing checks for him or whatever. In fact, I really hope that you don't do ANY sort of long-term investments into your futures together. If, on the contrary, you make it clear that you're not interested in settling down with an irresponsible man who won't deal with his responsibilities, he may become inspired to do what he should do.

It's not hard or expensive to declare bankruptcy. He could have been discharged by now.

I would be very, very worried about starting a family/future with someone who thinks problems will go away if you ignore them.

tallyhoh

I really wish I could think of a way of helping you make your partner see the error of his ways. I havent managed to help mine in 22 years!:mad:

Afraid with some its a bit like being an alcoholic, no use paying the beer bill off for them, it will enable them to buy more. They have to see the light in their own way.

You could keep trying to help in small ways, like pointing him in the direction of this site.

For goodness sake dont loan him any money or pay any debts off for him. Make it plain that he's going to get no financial help from you in any way. Make sure you put a note on "experian" or the like to say that you have seperate finances and that they should not class his finances with yours, if you dont then you will both have problems with credit.

You do realise (Ididnt until a couple of weeks ago) that if you had a purchased a house and lived there together, you possibly could end up losing it because of his debts?? thats the worst thing for me.:eek:

Good Luck!!

Richard_S

wit40iwtwan wrote: »

Thank you all for the advise - from this I agree that I should not get into debt to get my partner out of debt and that he should contact one of the agencies. My only real challenge now is to somehow get him to acknowledge the need do something. Does anyone know how I can delicately handle this? Any suggestions?

Hi wit,

I hope this doesn't sound flippant; it's certainly not meant to be. If all else fails, why not draw up a loan agreement and lend him £2k-£3k, with specified repayment dates. Make sure you keep the money where it's not going to be spent frivolously and when he's missed say three payments send him a demand for the money. When he can't pay, petition for his bankruptcy; it's going to cost you the legal fees to do it, but it could well be a cheap option in the long run.

Before you consider actually doing this, write your plan down bullet point, and show him that if he hasn't got what it takes to confront his past mistakes then you damned well have; who knows, it may just be the "wake up" call he needs.

Regards

Richard

NekoZombie

Although some may remember the thread I posted a couple of weeks back about a loan to my sister - well I lent her the money - suffice to say the loan is still outstanding. Some people can't be helped, despite the best will in the world.