Sister in-law has asked us to give £300 for parent's 60th Anniversary

LEJC

i hate the idea of combined presents ...but thats just me...I think it stems from the fact I like to choose a gift rather than be told!
I guess it really depends what you normally do as a family and how comfortable with doing it.
With regards to te amount some would find that perfectly acceptable and others would really struggle ...
If its the amount you are worried about then speak to whoever is fixing the price and explain its a little more than you were hoping to spend andsee if the holiday can be trimmed a little...maybe two nights instead of 3 for example.


If you say no what impact is that going to have...and I think thats what you really need to consider...sometimes it is just a case of sucking it up to give them the "treat" they deserve...sorry theres no real answer here you just have to go with what you feel you can afford and assess the potential impact on how others treat you if you decide against the full contribution...only you know how you are viewed in the eyes of your family!


A few years back we were asked to attend a birthday meal for a family member at a very posh resturant and the amount was eye watering and far more than we would even have spent an a special meal...but we went and we paid up probably because we wanted not to cause a scene...it was a nice night and I am glad we were there to share the party...but I also wish that others in the family had asked for opinions and budgets first before assuming what ours was.

fabforty

For me, it depends on a lot of things. As usual, what is reasonable to some may not be reasonable to others. How much is the holiday, how many siblings, who decided to get them the holiday as a gift, did everyone agree, etc. £300 my seem like a lot for a holiday, but if (for example) there are three siblings and the holiday is for two people, then £900 won't necessarily go far. When my parents celebrated their 50th anniversary, my siblings and I spent £500/600 each on their gift which incidentally was also a holiday to the Caribbean (their birth place). We had decided to do it the year before, so we had plenty of time to save up if need be.

Mojisola

booklover wrote: »

It's my mother and father in-law's 60th Wedding Anniversary very soon and my sister in-law has asked that all siblings give £300 towards a holiday for their parents.

fabforty wrote: »

When my parents celebrated their 50th anniversary, my siblings and I spent £500/600 each on their gift which incidentally was also a holiday to the Caribbean (their birth place). We had decided to do it the year before, so we had plenty of time to save up if need be.

There's a big difference between all the siblings making a joint decision far enough in advance to plan for saving the money and one sibling deciding what the holiday will be and how much everyone has to pay.

TBagpuss

If there has been a pattern whereby your SIL makes a decision and the other siblings have always been happy to go along with it then it is unreasonable to expect her to know that you and your DH are no longer happy with that. I think that you DH would need to have a conversation with her (and perhaps the other siblings) and explain that while he appreciates her hard work in organising things, he and you are working on being more organised with your own finances and he would, in future, prefer that she discuss with him any proposed joint gifts so that the budget is set by all of the siblings, not just by her.

If the £300 it out of your budget right now, then I think, as long as the holiday has not yet been booked, he can say to her that he is sorry, but doesn't have £300 in the budget, that he is happy to contribute £150- £200 and would she like any help in identifying a suitable holiday on a slightly lower budget.

if the holiday is already booked then I think on this occasion you need to go with it, as it would be unfair to leave SIL out of pocket just because you and your DH want to change the long standing arrangement about how these things have been organised in his family, and then have the conversation with her afterwards, about planning for any future joint gifts.

In my family , where we have done joint gifts it has always been on the basis of discussions about what can be afforded, either "Dad would really like X but it's too expensive for me to buy alone, is anyone interested in doing it as a joint gift?" or a case of eveyrone putting a set amount in and then deciding what to buy. In the first example, where there is a specific thing that we're trying to get, the shares have not always been equal, as we each contributed what we could afford. (this depends on the family dynamics. Last time we bought something in this way my younger brother was just out of university and was on NMW whereas the rest of us were all in fairly well paid jobs,. He put in what he could afford and we split the balance equally.

warehouse

It's not the money I'd be concerned about. What exactly is your SIL planning? Do your MiL and FiL even want to go on a holiday? Mine certainly wouldn't when they hit the 50th, let alone 60.

fabforty

Mojisola wrote: »

There's a big difference between all the siblings making a joint decision far enough in advance to plan for saving the money and one sibling deciding what the holiday will be and how much everyone has to pay.

I know, which is why I asked if they had all agreed on the holiday as a gift. It is not clear from the OP if SIL unilaterally decided that the gift will be a holiday and where to, or if they all had some input but OP is surprised at the cost.

Perhaps after 30 years it's time for one of the others to take on responsibility for arranging the gift.

booklover

Hello again.

Sorry for the delay in replying; many thanks for all your very replies. I'll add some further details now.

It's my husband's parents 60th Wedding Anniversary - NOT, my parents, they both died several years ago.

My sister in-law asked her parents what they'd like as a present; they said a holiday in Paris. In total, 5 siblings are expected to donate £300 each. Therefore: £1500 will be available for their holiday. The other siblings have all agreed to this amount. There was no consultation with my husband regarding the amount (there never has been over the last 30 years!) and it's very difficult being the only ones raising concerns about it.

As a result, we'll just 'suck it up' and give the money. No choice really!
It annoys me for many reasons, I'd rather not go into. But thanks everyone for your input. It's certain been very helpful.

Mojisola

booklover wrote: »

My sister in-law asked her parents what they'd like as a present; they said a holiday in Paris. In total, 5 siblings are expected to donate £300 each. Therefore: £1500 will be available for their holiday. The other siblings have all agreed to this amount. There was no consultation with my husband regarding the amount (there never has been over the last 30 years!) and it's very difficult being the only ones raising concerns about it.

As a result, we'll just 'suck it up' and give the money. No choice really!

But there is for the future.

After paying up your £300 and letting the birthday and holiday pass happily, your OH needs to talk to or write to all his siblings and say that it was a struggle to find that much money and that he needs to be consulted in advance about how much the gift is going to cost otherwise he may not be able to pay up in future.

74jax

booklover wrote: »

Hello again.

Sorry for the delay in replying; many thanks for all your very replies. I'll add some further details now.

It's my husband's parents 60th Wedding Anniversary - NOT, my parents, they both died several years ago.

My sister in-law asked her parents what they'd like as a present; they said a holiday in Paris. In total, 5 siblings are expected to donate £300 each. Therefore: £1500 will be available for their holiday. The other siblings have all agreed to this amount. There was no consultation with my husband regarding the amount (there never has been over the last 30 years!) and it's very difficult being the only ones raising concerns about it.

As a result, we'll just 'suck it up' and give the money. No choice really!
It annoys me for many reasons, I'd rather not go into. But thanks everyone for your input. It's certain been very helpful.

in this instance I would just pay it.

Ideally sil would have spoken to you all and said we can do this for xyz amount or this for xyz amount, what do you all prefer? But she didn't.

It's up to your hubby to give her the money and mention next time he'd like to be involved a bit more in the planning side of things as he feels a bit left out.

Marshmallow82

£1500, that how much a trip to Paris costs? I haven't been there