Sister in-law has asked us to give £300 for parent's 60th Anniversary

booklover

Hello

It's my mother and father in-law's 60th Wedding Anniversary very soon and my sister in-law has asked that all siblings give £300 towards a holiday for their parents.

Throughout the 30 years of our marriage my husband has always paid whatever she has requested, for their parent's birthdays etc. I'm interested in hearing whether you think it reasonable and fair that 1 sibling decides the amount that all the others must pay.

To be honest, £300 is more than we expected to pay - maybe £150-200!

Look forward to your replies. Many thanks in advance.
Booklover :A

ellesbellesxxx

Woah woah woah that is a LOT of money! Your husband surely just needs to tell her no! That is one heck of a holiday!

ceh209

In my family, we don't ask for money.


We suggest an idea, and ask what everyone thinks of it, including whether it is affordable, before going ahead.


This sounds rude and presumptuous, and I'd be telling SIL that if I were you.

comeandgo

For any large event in our parents lives our family does club together for something special and I may be guilty of doing as your SIL has done and suggest something that we can afford and assume my siblings can afford it too. The value I would have no problem with, it's a holiday for a 60th wedding anniversary, and we do spend similar amounts. As you were prepared to pay about £200 anyway is it worth getting into family disputes over £100?

roddydogs

When their gone, your Hubby will wish you'd given a lot more than £300.

wiogs

We have always been aware of family finances and would never suggest anything that was out of the range of all.

I would also expect to have discussed this with other family members before coming to a decision. I wouldn't just say right it is £300.

If you feel it is too much then don't pay it.

wiogs

roddydogs wrote: »

When their gone, your Hubby will wish you'd given a lot more than £300.

Why?

Will giving more money extend their lives?

DigForVictory

Much depends on how well you & SIL & parents communicate.
If it really is going to be a £600 holiday & she's done proper MS due diligence & this is the very best package for the 600 and it is what the inlaws honestly would like (it might be a 900 or 1200 holiday, after all, tastes vary) then if you can afford it, pay up & wish them all the best.

If you are uncertain, then talk - to husband first. He may not realise sundry MS tips & tricks could be used, or have a previously unvoiced concern sis is a bit too keen on bingo.

If no matter how well researched, you simply can't find £300, then definitely talk - to husband, to SIL (could she lend you that 300 & you trickle pay it back?) and to parents in law. They've managed 60 years matrimony, but they've some OS tips! And are they absolutely sure they want this holiday? A bucket list thing or just SIL thinking nice idea for them?

Hang on - *all siblings*? Where's she sending the parents to? Vegas? Switzerland?!
Definitely time to check when you get free phone calls & start talking.

Andy_89

It would depend where they are going but £300 isn't a lot in the grand scheme of things IMO.

Especially for that occasion and the fact its your parents.

I am going to stump up about that for my sister's 30th.

duchy

If it's a special anniversary and a trip to somewhere they'd love then an extra £100 now to me wouldn't seem huge.

Presumably they are in their eighties so any trip could be the last trip that health allows them to do together .....so to quibble over an extra hundred that you can afford rather than an impossible amount for your budget doesn't seem like much to me - but a lot depends if it is can't afford or don't want to afford. For me I know my parents went without at times when we were kids so if I had to stretch my budget to treat them I probably would (both my parents are now dead so sadly I am not lucky enough to have your dilemma)

rach_k

When we're buying presents together, my family usually discusses what kind of thing we'd like to get, then we decide on a budget and then usually one person will take responsibility for finding the present and we all pay up. Sometimes one of us won't have much of an opinion and won't say much but the budget is always agreed first, so it does sound a bit off to me for the sister to just decide what and how much and then ask for the money.

However, I suppose it probably depends on the past - if she has always been left to sort things for the last 40-50 years, it wouldn't be unreasonable of her to expect that she will be left to sort it again this year. Has your husband actively involved himself in present-buying or budget-setting? I have sisters so we all tend to get involved but my OH has brothers and one sister; it's always the sister who is left to sort out presents so she does tend to just say what they're buying and what everybody should contribute.