Ex-husband has gotten £15k debts in my name

bargainbetty

I know you want things to be as pleasant as possible, but unless he can get all of those debts moved out of your name (one at a time if not all at once), your only safe bet is to report him. If he fails again, and from the history you describe, it sounds as if he might, you will be the one dealing with it.

If you reported it, there may be some possibility of having a court order for repayments made against him, or even reaching agreement with the creditors that the debt is moved to his name - I'm really not sure what they might be prepared to accept.

Ultimately, you have to protect yourself against the event of him doing this again. If he took out another debt in your name, how would you ever convince a court that he didn't have your permission, as you have allowed him all of these?

I'm sorry, and I wish you and your son all the best.

byjimini

Hi everyone, is it not possible to write a recommendation to the court in support of him, despite the fraud?

I've no idea, just trying to soften what feels like an inevitable blow.

Muhren

This is a difficult one as emotions are involved but as a compulsive gambler myself I think you need to make him accountable for his actions and should therefore report him. Otherwise how is he goign to learn?

If he is serious about stopping he will go to GA and try and rid himself of this horrible addiction. If he attends regualarly they will most likely give him a reference to help show that he is doing something about his problem.

Seanymph

Addiction is a bad thing. It's bad because the addict gets used to pushing responsibility onto other people for their behaviour. And other people (this is you) facilitate their behaviour.

His mum is now - and you have - and you are still if you don't report him.

He may go to prison. Chances are he won't, but he may. However he's done a bad thing, an illegal thing, and left the mother of his child and his child facing homelessness potentially? He doesn't 'care' about that, he cares about funding his addiction.

Yet he's trained you to put him first, above your needs, and his child's needs.

Everyone is focused on prioritising his drive to obtain cash by whatever means to gamble.

You need to stop being his fall guy now. He's gone. You have said you are going to protect your child from this man, and yourself, and build the sort of normality into your life that enables your child to grow up in a secure environment.

Well, part of that is going to be to stop covering up for this man. Saying 'he may go to prison' is an excuse really isn't it? He's broken the law, you, the victim, are seriously trying to make sufficient excuses that rather than have him face the consequences of his own actions, like an adult, you are saying 'he may go to prison' to justify you, who has complete responsibility of your child, trying to bail out the debt.

YOU may go to prison. Then where would your child be.

Not only do you know a fraud has taken place and you aren't reporting it, you have all this debt you can't possibly service.

His mother, and you, need to stop now. He needs to be allowed to take on the responsibility for what he has done - because he will not stop until you two stop taking on what he is pushing at you.

KA87

Thanks for all your replies.

I've spoken to him and he understands that I can't have this debt in my name and he will admit everything to the police. He still love us both very much and wants to do what's best for his son. He's been suicidal recently and mental crisis team have been involved. His mother has kicked him out as he has stolen £2000 from her and he's living at a hostel. She has bailed him out time and again and he owes her over £30,000. He has still manged to keep his job thankfully, just been off sick for depression but he gets paid for it, but I realise i can't reply on him giving us the money each month.

He has tried pretty much every type of gambling treatment you can think of. He was referred to National Gambling Clinic and we went to London togther to get him support. He has paid for private cognitive behaviour threapy, been to GA in the past, all to no avail. The crisis team have told him to try again as on average a person fails six times following help before suceeding. He is also going to get more counselling referred from Gamcare. The crisis team suggested he needs to quit for himself and after thinking about it he never has tried for himself, always for me or his mother, hopefully in the future he can succeed and be a good father to his son.

Can please someone point me the best way to proceed with this. Should I go to each company individually and tell them a fraud has occurred and let them know it was my husband or is there a national fraud dept I can ring. Or should I just call my local police force?

Many thanks

JournalGirl

https://www.cifas.org.uk/pr

Not sure about how to report this - hopefully someone else will advise - but have a look at this link. You can have a marker against your name, which means that lenders will do additional checks if credit is requested.

It sounds as if your ex husband could slip and repeat the behaviour, so better to close that door completely.

Seanymph

When my ex did this I contacted the companies themselves - after all, the debt is in your name, so they will talk to you about it.

I really think you are doing the right thing.

KA87

Thanks very much for your help, I've had a good look on the internet and been informed I should first contact Action Fraud to get a crime ref number then contact the relevant debt companies or else they will not listen to you.

Hopefully with my ex going back to GA and starting counselling again along with good character references, he will only get a suspended sentence or caution.

haycorns

KA just wanted to say well done for being so strong - its a difficult path you are going down but hopefully at the end all three of you will be in a better place. Big hugs

Marktheshark

Just remember it is the companies that have been defrauded that are the victims of this crime.
They are the ones who have allowed themselves to be duped out of money.
I would contact the police and let them deal with the victims.