Husband will be so distressed due to my lies

cobbingstones

Hi all,

I'm in a real big mess and if my dh finds out he will be really angry.

A few months ago my 17 year old son walked out of his job and didn't bother to pay his rent. His was very close to becoming homeless, and I just couldn't stand the thought of him being in a hostel etc. So I bailed him out with £500 so he could get another job asap and pay me back. Not so. The lazy !!!!!! just sat around and he then moved in with my friend. He is now finally working (after four months of nothing) and I have just received a letter from the WFTC asking for their money back due to an overpayment. My husband didn't know about the lending of this money due to this account being an old one from before we met. He is dead against my son getting any beacuse of his attitude. I'm now really in a hole.

I have no income due to looking after the children in Sweden (we are here due to trying to get out of debt ourselves) and I'm extremely stressed trying to figure out how I'm going to pay over 1,000 back without his knowledge? The other £500 is for paying some towards his rent at my friends and also money for my mum who was broke because he stole money from her)


Sorry this is long winded. I've never lied to him before and he will be really disapointed and sad.

MM

myrnahaz

Were you paid the wftc in one lump or did you get it in installments? Can they really ask for it back in one lump? Maybe you could negotiate a repayment schedule with them. You may need to contact Citizens advice beaureau - a free service.

cobbingstones

Hi

It was paid in installments. Either way I have no money for myself.

jo1972

I don't think this is what you want to hear but I really think you should be honest with him. He will be stressed out by finding out but you are stressed out by hiding it.

LookingAhead

I'm sorry you are going through this stress

I can imagine it is not nice at all.

However not telling him won't get the problem sorted out......perhaps you need to tell him, accept the anger but say to him "I know you're angry but I will try and sort this out and I will never do it again" and encourage him to work *with* you rather than against you.

Yes he will be angry & disappointed for a while but he will come around. You will be amazed how many people on this forum have had to tell their partners that they are in THOUSANDS of pounds worth of debt and they have come out of it stronger.

Have you asked your son for some money back? I think he should pay some each time he gets paid as £500 back in one go will be unrealistic. If your husband sees he is paying *some* back, he might be less disappointed. Also then, your son will realise he can't expect free handouts whenever he is in a rut.

Can you EBAY, Amazon or do any extra work yourself to get some more cash in?

sammy_kaye18

I know its horrible but he might shock you - when my bf told me he was in £15,000 worth of debt he thought id walk but i shocked him adn just said right well lets get it sorted. I would tell him but make sure he understands why you did it. Is it his son too??You do need to have a swift word with your son though and tell him straight that you need the money, dont pu!!y foot around the subject just be exact and straight to the point. At some point you have to let kids make their own mistakes and learn their life lessons no matter how hard it is (says me at 23! lol ) .As for the tax credits - if you contact them and tell them your situation they will help you and set up a repayment scheme which means you pay back say £15/£20 a month not the whole lump sum which is helpful if you are struggling. My friend was paying it back at £2.50 a week becasue she just could not afford anythign else.

margaretclare

You have to tell him the truth, simply and honestly. There should be no room for lies, deception and secrecy within a marriage, especially about something as important as money.

Margaret

RAS

margaretclare wrote: »

You have to tell him the truth, simply and honestly. There should be no room for lies, deception and secrecy within a marriage, especially about something as important as money.

Margaret

Pls remember Debt-Free Wannabee's for support and help not judgement

juliapenguin

I really feel for you - my son was very difficult for a year and put his stepdad through a lot - it's all sorted now but it was awful at the time. My husband was actually very understanding, I think mainly because I didn't make excuses for my son. Talk to him - really you've got no alternative and it's better that you tell him now than that he finds out some other way. Julia x

thewayitis_2

Well said Margretclare. Honesty is the best way.

Why dont you tell your son to explain the situation to your OH? He'll know a bit of the pressure that the situation put you in if he has to explain why hes taking money from his struggling mum. Maybe next time your son wont take your gesture for granted, and who knows - he may start repaying a bit of it!

margaretclare

RAS wrote: »

Pls remember Debt-Free Wannabee's for support and help not judgement

No judgement involved - it's a fact, stated in general terms, not pointing the finger at anybody. Honesty is always the best policy, especially in a relationship, otherwise trust goes out of the window very quickly.

Margaret