what to do with a bored mother

TBagpuss

'evening' classes are not always in the evenings - she could check out her local adult ed. options and see whether there is anything which takes her fancy.

But ultimately it is up to her - you can ask her whether there is anything she would like to do, and see whether there is anything she can think of, even if there are problems with how to achieve it. Then you can consider whether the problems are insurmountable.
Travelling - what about travel within this country?

lso - is it possible that she wants to be persuaded? For example, with the familt history, you could try sending her specific questions, so she had a starting point, rather that just a general 'tell be everything'

all that said, ultimately it is not your responsbility. (and it is just possible that replying to her complaining with a quering "so, I understand that you're bored. What are you planning to do about it?" might work!

PasturesNew

trailingspouse wrote: »

She enjoys knitting, but can't read patterns.

You can get A4 sized magnifying glasses - the shape of a sheet of paper, on a stand. That might work. Google for some to see size/shape/price. They're about £4-6 or so, from lots of places, including amazon and ebay

PasturesNew

TBagpuss wrote: »

'evening' classes are not always in the evenings

Actually, I've mostly found that 'evening' classes are mostly in the daytimes for the past 10 years.

VfM4meplse

Get her to start Kondo'ing. That buys you a week in which to think of a more sustainable plan

Seriously, do you think she might have a touch of depression? I wouldn't rule it out. Why not ask her if she has any regrets in life or if there is anything she would like to do. She must have a passion for something, even if it's not everyone's cup of tea.

meritaten

my mum whines about how lonely/bored she is - but all suggestions are rejected too.
to be fair, I think its because my mum is hard of hearing and embarrassed about it. and she WILL NOT consider a hearing aid. its so ruddy frustrating because she is quite fit and well for her age - and I have looked into activities around here and me and sis would be happy to take her to them. but, she wont go. so I understand how you feel and will be reading the suggestions on here in case anyone can help us too.

jackyann

Suggest that she read the classic book "Games People Play". She might especially enjoy the section headed "Yes, but......."

Having said that, she is obviously at a transition point in her life and it is scary - in some ways, the scariest of all. She may genuinely not have the energy or focus to do things, and hates it.

She is lucky to have a child who cares about her this much. I suspect she will find reasons not to do any of the good suggestions.

I would turn it around a bit: I suggest that during your visits, you do a little activity together. Open up a jigsaw, or get out some knitting / crochet to do yourself, and show her. Maybe you could get out the family photos and go through them - say you want to scan them into your computer and need to make notes on them. She may be more willing to "help" you than to take up something herself.

I wish you luck!

Snakey

She could watch box-sets on the telly. I bet there's loads of stuff she hasn't seen.

Other than that, well if she's got to eighty-something without having the first idea what she likes doing, the chances are there's a bigger problem there than a simple lack of inspiration. Anhedonia can be a sign of depression, but reading between your lines she's been like this for most of her life so (although I suppose lifelong undiagnosed depression is possible) it's more likely just her personality. So I'm not sure I'd spend too long trying to help as I doubt she's going to suddenly leap up and go "OMG tennis, I'd forgotten all about that! You absolute star! I'll buy a new racquet first thing tomorrow!" or whatever, no matter how many things you think of.

As someone's already said, you might try pointing her towards the internet. It may be that she hasn't realised that there are such things as discussion forums rather than just websites that you look at, and this may be something new that she would enjoy. A lot of people who are generally too selfish to have friends (because you have to do things you don't want to do, and listen to things you don't care about, and put up with their flaws, and remember birthdays and notice haircuts and all that stuff and generally be nice) absolutely love online communities. Suddenly there's a place where you can pick and choose what you get involved with, walk away from a conversation that's got boring or a person who's annoying you, jump right into the middle of everything that interests you without waiting to be asked, start conversations about yourself secure in the knowledge that somebody will most likely join in, and drop the whole thing in an instant if something more interesting turns up in your life. Apparently, anyway. Being a totally well-adjusted person myself I wouldn't know.

Peter333

Not being funny OP, but has she actually said that she wants you to find her something to do?

Shocking news, but some people are quite happy doing nothing - or very little, and are quite happy to just potter around and let the world go by. Other people seem to take umbrage with people who don't want to join in stuff, as if they are an anti-social misery-guts. But not everyone wants to join in with organisations like the W.I. and be badgered by people to 'do more' and have more hobbies.

My wife (we are in our fifties,) said it would be her worst nightmare joining the W.I. and people at the Church are always trying to get HER to join in things outside of the Sunday service. She says that people don't seem to 'get' that she is FINE as she is. She DOES have a few hobbies and interests that other people don't necessarily know about, and they are her business, and she does not appreciate people badgering her to do other things! Especially when she has said NO several times.

I think people interfering and trying to make you do stuff and join in when you don't want to, is very exasperating, and actually rather rude of them.

So unless she is specifically asking you to find her something to do, then why are you trying to interfere in her life? How is her 'not doing much' affecting you?

pollypenny

Let her whinge. She's moaning because she has an audience, you, OP.

If she's fit and healthy, she can occupy herself.

consumers_revenge

Our local gun club is always on the look out for new challenges..

How quick is she on her feet?

( and have you got her life insured? )