Shops/restaurants and breastfeeding.

Eejay

I thought I would create a thread of positivity as an alternative to my Argos thread.

My baby is coming up 6 months and has been breastfed throughout. I struggled initially as it turned out she had undiagnosed posterior tongue tie, so she was not feeding effectively and needed to eat even more frequently than a typical newborn. It was eventually spotted and dealt with, and she feeds a lot less frequently now so the only time I really need to feed in public is when we are in a restaurant for a couple of hours.

You hear so many negative stories in the news about people who have been asked to cover up, move away, etc. I've never had a problem, despite the fact I struggle to be discreet (I do try).

Wilko
She got hungry in the queue and it's quite a walk to the nearest appropriate area for feeding. I didn't want to have to leave entirely as I didn't want to put my shopping back, but the queue was fairly long and so I asked if I could leave it on the pram, feed her at the other side of the tills where there is a bench, and pay afterwards. The staff were happy for me to do that and one commented whilst I was feeding something like how nice it was to see a content baby.

TK Maxx
I sat on the floor in TK Maxx as she was desperate and I had only given birth a few weeks earlier and was starting to ache from being stood up. I was well out of the way so don't think many people spotted me. They didn't spy on me on the CCTV then come and moan or anything, like some of the stories would have you believe shops do.

Dulux Decorator Centre
It was a bit out of the way of anywhere appropriate for feeding, so I wandered and fed at the same time. Tried to move out of the view of other people to save them any embarrassment.

Clas Ohlson
As above, but a few customers saw me. They mostly smiled politely and just got on with their day.

Harvester
I asked for a table where I could feed discreetly so as not to put anyone off their meal. The man said it didn't matter as they were a family restaurant and whilst he was happy to find me somewhere discreet for my sake, I shouldn't worry about anyone else.

Pizza Hut
I fed briefly the other day. One member of staff chatted later on about breastfeeding and telling me stories about when her son was little. The restaurant has been 'done up' in the last couple of weeks and was really nice all round, actually - staff very friendly and helpful, new menu was great, etc.

Morrisons
I regularly feed in Morrisons Caf! as I love the place - nice food at a good price. Nobody has ever complained. The odd old man looks a bit embarrassed but never said anything.

Asda
I sat on a chair by the opticians because the security guard couldn't think of anywhere else suitable and the caf! was closed. My Mum was with me and seemed eager to make sure nothing was on show. When a member of staff came into view I apologised and said I wouldn't be long. She said it was fine as they were closed anyway and so I could take as long as I liked.

Tesco
The woman who served us in the caf! seemed uncomfortable with me feeding, despite me sitting in the far corner. She didn't make any comments or try to embarrass me though.

Costa
They are very pleasant - one time I asked if there was a suitable spot for feeding and they suggested I just get comfy on a sofa.

Yo! Sushi
I saw a chef looking and then whispering to a colleague - think he was a bit embarrassed but nobody said anything to me. Someone came over to take an order and didn't comment or make me uncomfortable in any way. It's even more difficult to be discreet because we were in a 'booth' and there's little room to get comfy - I have to kind of lay her on the table and sit up really straight whenever we're somewhere with fixed tables and chairs.

IKEA
They have a breastfeeding area with one seat in the restaurant, but they said I was welcome to sit at the table and eat at the same time if I liked. I also sat on a sofa in the self-serve furniture area one time, and nobody complained apart from my Nana.

First buses (and occasionally Arriva)
Fed a few times in the first few months. Actually a really good time for feeding when the journey takes 40 minutes and there's nothing better to do. A passenger did shake his head one time but I didn't feel the need to run to the Daily Mail about it.

warehouse

I have absolutely no issues with public breastfeeding. What I don't like is getting dirty looks from a Woman who is breastfeeding as if I'm trying to take a look at her boobs. If you're that sensitive then stay indoors.

Good on you OP.

geerex

It's the most natural thing in the world and the fact that you had to post a thread like this sums up how wrong our attitudes are.
That said, from a personal point of view, I used to work in an environemt where I'd be standing over people and would occasionally see more than I should have
I can understand why its embarrassing for some people.

ALI1973

Well done you and all those stores/restaurants!

I never had any issues when bf out and about. I did tend to use a muslin over my shoulder as I felt more comfortable, but I do think that as long as your discreet people shouldn't have anything to complain about.

samanthaknd

Eejay wrote: »

I thought I would create a thread of positivity as an alternative to my Argos thread.

My baby is coming up 6 months and has been breastfed throughout. I struggled initially as it turned out she had undiagnosed posterior tongue tie, so she was not feeding effectively and needed to eat even more frequently than a typical newborn. It was eventually spotted and dealt with, and she feeds a lot less frequently now so the only time I really need to feed in public is when we are in a restaurant for a couple of hours.

You hear so many negative stories in the news about people who have been asked to cover up, move away, etc. I've never had a problem, despite the fact I struggle to be discreet (I do try).

Wilko
She got hungry in the queue and it's quite a walk to the nearest appropriate area for feeding. I didn't want to have to leave entirely as I didn't want to put my shopping back, but the queue was fairly long and so I asked if I could leave it on the pram, feed her at the other side of the tills where there is a bench, and pay afterwards. The staff were happy for me to do that and one commented whilst I was feeding something like how nice it was to see a content baby.

TK Maxx
I sat on the floor in TK Maxx as she was desperate and I had only given birth a few weeks earlier and was starting to ache from being stood up. I was well out of the way so don't think many people spotted me. They didn't spy on me on the CCTV then come and moan or anything, like some of the stories would have you believe shops do.

Dulux Decorator Centre
It was a bit out of the way of anywhere appropriate for feeding, so I wandered and fed at the same time. Tried to move out of the view of other people to save them any embarrassment.

Clas Ohlson
As above, but a few customers saw me. They mostly smiled politely and just got on with their day.

Harvester
I asked for a table where I could feed discreetly so as not to put anyone off their meal. The man said it didn't matter as they were a family restaurant and whilst he was happy to find me somewhere discreet for my sake, I shouldn't worry about anyone else.

Pizza Hut
I fed briefly the other day. One member of staff chatted later on about breastfeeding and telling me stories about when her son was little. The restaurant has been 'done up' in the last couple of weeks and was really nice all round, actually - staff very friendly and helpful, new menu was great, etc.

Morrisons
I regularly feed in Morrisons Caf! as I love the place - nice food at a good price. Nobody has ever complained. The odd old man looks a bit embarrassed but never said anything.

Asda
I sat on a chair by the opticians because the security guard couldn't think of anywhere else suitable and the caf! was closed. My Mum was with me and seemed eager to make sure nothing was on show. When a member of staff came into view I apologised and said I wouldn't be long. She said it was fine as they were closed anyway and so I could take as long as I liked.

Tesco
The woman who served us in the caf! seemed uncomfortable with me feeding, despite me sitting in the far corner. She didn't make any comments or try to embarrass me though.

Costa
They are very pleasant - one time I asked if there was a suitable spot for feeding and they suggested I just get comfy on a sofa.

Yo! Sushi
I saw a chef looking and then whispering to a colleague - think he was a bit embarrassed but nobody said anything to me. Someone came over to take an order and didn't comment or make me uncomfortable in any way. It's even more difficult to be discreet because we were in a 'booth' and there's little room to get comfy - I have to kind of lay her on the table and sit up really straight whenever we're somewhere with fixed tables and chairs.

IKEA
They have a breastfeeding area with one seat in the restaurant, but they said I was welcome to sit at the table and eat at the same time if I liked. I also sat on a sofa in the self-serve furniture area one time, and nobody complained apart from my Nana.

First buses (and occasionally Arriva)
Fed a few times in the first few months. Actually a really good time for feeding when the journey takes 40 minutes and there's nothing better to do. A passenger did shake his head one time but I didn't feel the need to run to the Daily Mail about it.

Going back 13 years ago when my teen was a baby and I was breastfeeding, I only lasted about 5 months as I found it rather embarrassing and some places just didn't accept it then, I remember on The First Bus going to Glasgow and he was screaming so went to feed him and a creepy looking guy just had a big grin on his face staring,I think that was the final straw and I gave up. But I do praise any woman who can manage and feels confident enough to do so, I never was.

Eejay

I am oblivious to people staring. I was in a caf! and my friend asked if I wanted her to wait before ordering a drink to try and block the view of some man behind her who was gawping. In a little restaurant with my Mum and a few other people, they commented on how an old man had looked over and did a double take and then couldn't wait to leave lol - and in the same restaurant the waiter was desperate not to look at me whilst taking my order. Didn't notice any of it though. I think it's one of those things where people sometimes don't know what to do with themselves once they've realised what is happening.

It doesn't help that I was always reassured that if you're breastfeeding, the baby's head preserves your dignity. But, in the words of my Nana, 'they're the size of saucers!' I did try to get on with a muslin cloth but I kept getting in such a pickle that it was even more obvious what I was doing, and sooner or later it'd fall down. She couldn't maintain a proper latch and with the cloth it was difficult to get her back on because I couldn't see what I was doing. Now she has no excuse other than being too nosey and constantly stopping to have a look around and grin at people!

TBeckett100

There is a sort of militant undercurrent with breastfeeding mums. Rather than time a shopping trip or coffee after a feed, mums seem to want to be seen to be breastfeeding. Trouble is, it makes people unsettled. When your in public, just when you think you'll be looking at the cakes in Costa, suddenly a breast is out in the corner in a "look at me, I want you to challenge it so I can get enraged and be Mother Nature or run home and tell mumsnet.

Men sometimes need a wee but you don't see us whipping it out at The Tesco checkout.

HB58

TBeckett100 wrote: »

Men sometimes need a wee but you don't see us whipping it out at The Tesco checkout.

Not the same thing at all.

Eejay

TBeckett100 wrote: »

There is a sort of militant undercurrent with breastfeeding mums. Rather than time a shopping trip or coffee after a feed, mums seem to want to be seen to be breastfeeding. Trouble is, it makes people unsettled. When your in public, just when you think you'll be looking at the cakes in Costa, suddenly a breast is out in the corner in a "look at me, I want you to challenge it so I can get enraged and be Mother Nature or run home and tell mumsnet.

Men sometimes need a wee but you don't see us whipping it out at The Tesco checkout.

I don't agree with purposely making people feel uncomfortable. 'Nurse-ins' really annoy me because all it is doing is making people who don't support nursing in public even more against it.

Women need to wee too - we use the toilet. Urine isn't a food source though, and nobody needs to see or use your p*nis in public. Ridiculous comparison. I hope you're equally against topless men in summer though.

ETA: And against the idea of restaurants/caf!s and people stuffing their faces on park benches. How dare they eat in public! Nobody wants to see that.

olgadapolga

TBeckett100 wrote: »

There is a sort of militant undercurrent with breastfeeding mums. Rather than time a shopping trip or coffee after a feed, mums seem to want to be seen to be breastfeeding. Trouble is, it makes people unsettled. When your in public, just when you think you'll be looking at the cakes in Costa, suddenly a breast is out in the corner in a "look at me, I want you to challenge it so I can get enraged and be Mother Nature or run home and tell mumsnet.

Men sometimes need a wee but you don't see us whipping it out at The Tesco checkout.

I think that you are over-generalising considerably. IF there is a "militant undercurrent" then it's from a minority, not the majority of breastfeeding mums.

It's not always easy to "time" a trip out around a baby's needs as these needs change on a daily basis. None of my children have fed to a "routine". The "routine" has been decided by THEM. It's called demand feeding. Surely when you are hungry, you eat? Why should a breastfed baby be denied food just because they are out somewhere? What if they are out for the whole day? Why should a mother and baby be hidden away just because they are breastfeeding? Talk about comments from the Dark Ages.

I am no Mother Nature but I have fed my children whenever they have needed feeding. I don't particularly want to feed in public but better that than a screaming, miserable baby. Most of the comments I have received from others have been very, very supportive, things like "it's so nice to see a baby breastfeeding". The ONLY person I have ever come across who was "unsettled" was actually my Father-in-Law who was so embarrassed that I left the room to spare his feelings. And this was in my own home!

I fed/feed (as I am still feeding my youngest) whenever they need/have needed it as I would rather feed them in public, regardless of how others feel about, than I would expose a load of total strangers to a screaming baby and ruin their lunch/coffee break. Think about it for a second - what would you prefer? A quiet, feeding baby who is unnoticed or a screaming, miserable one ruining your Costa coffee and muffin?

Funny how it's acceptable for a man to walk around bare-chested in the summer but a woman is frowned upon by an unenlightened, uneducated minority because she dares to expose a tiny amount of skin (less than you'd see on her hands) whilst breastfeeding. A minority who can only think of breasts in a sexual manner, rather than as a baby-feeding medium.

And your analogy between breastfeeding and urinating is pathetic to be quite honest. Enough said.

ThumbRemote

TBeckett100 wrote: »

There is a sort of militant undercurrent with breastfeeding mums. Rather than time a shopping trip or coffee after a feed, mums seem to want to be seen to be breastfeeding. Trouble is, it makes people unsettled. When your in public, just when you think you'll be looking at the cakes in Costa, suddenly a breast is out in the corner in a "look at me, I want you to challenge it so I can get enraged and be Mother Nature or run home and tell mumsnet.

If breastfeeding was considered completely normal by everyone, there would be no need for a 'militant undercurrent'.

You don't get a militant undercurrent of people deliberately going outside and shaking hands with each other, because shaking hands is considered a normal, everyday social function.

Until breastfeeding is seen in the same way, and no-one is surprised or unsettled by it, then good on those people who deliberately try to make it more commonplace.