Thought It Was The End

Levi-

Hi Stu, just seen your diary, you first post struck a cord with me because I had that 'red light feeling' when I was driving home a few times just wishing someone would crash into me.. !!
just think now you have taken this first step things CAN and WILL get better for you... they won't get any worse, and thats an amazing realisation. take the time you need to sort out your mental health too, health comes first and don't hurry back to work until you are strong.

sometimes it takes tearing all the pieces down to build up something better and coming to this forum is also certainly a great move. good luck man, you're on the right track now

RuthnJasper

Stu - well done (as mad as that sounds, and I apologise if that comes across as patronising; it isn't meant to) for your light-bulb moment. I remember mine with stark clarity as though it was yesterday.

It takes a great deal of courage to face up to things as you are doing. I can't improve on the sorts of things you are already doing. BUT this is the first step towards a way out of the mess in which you find yourself - and you CAN do it.

Good luck to you. You'll get there. x

rockabillygirl

Hi Stu, I think your doing brilliantly, and your mum and step dad sound like wonderful people. As Levi said, take the time you need to build your strength (both emotional and physical), and remember, it's not how far you fall, but how high you bounce back! There are some amazing people on this forum who can offer advice and support. Just decide what works best for you. Take care x

mfmaybe

Best of luck, getting started is the hard part.

Just a thought, can you sell this car you can't afford? Would it pay off the loan? It's a huge share of your total debt and your minimum payments look almost manageable without it?

Stu_1978

Thanks for all the recent messages of support. One thing this whole situation has done is opened my eyes to just how many people are going through this......and the fact I'm not alone.
Biggest update over the last week is that I finally got round to telling my Dad and Step-Mum on Tuesday. I thought I had it all sorted in my head what I was going to say and because I had told Mum everything already, I thought it would be easier, the second time. How wrong I was, I barely said hello before I completely broke down and I was unable to tell them anything. Luckily Mum grabbed the phone and she explained the situation to them. I felt so guilty that I couldn't tell them myself, but it was just like the first time all over again. I was so angry at myself and words like 'failure' and 'useless' reared their ugly head again. Couple of hours later Mum managed to calm me down and my Step-Dad had the brilliant idea of sending him an email instead, that way I can get down everything I want to say in a clear and concise way.
I did this on Wednesday and both Dad and Step-Mum really appreciated it and said themselves it was the best thing to do. I felt so much better that at last all the immediate family knew everything. Dad and I spoke on the phone for nearly an hour on Thursday. I didn't break down once and we had a great conversation. I really thought I had taken a massive step back after that first phone call but I now know it was a very little one and thinking back it obvious I would be emotional.
I have opened a new 'safe' bank account and also filled out the application form for the IVA. I am setting tasks to do each day and this is really helping me to get some kind of structure back into my life. I am planning on going back to my house this Tuesday, to pick up paperwork and make sure everything is ok.
If anyone has any experience of IVA's I would really appreciate it if they could message me and let me know how they got on.

Cheers

Stu

rockabillygirl

Hi Stu, just wanted to say that it was great to read your update. Your doing amazing and will get through this. Your family sound fantastic. Take care x

tlc678910

Hi Stu, it sounds like you have a lovely supportive family, and a supportive boss. I hope you are feeling more positive. How is it all going?

Stu_1978

Luckily my house was ok, nothing major had happened to it. Felt a little strange going back after being away for so long but that soon passed. Dad and Step-Mum came over, it was great to see them face to face and give them a big hug, we all got a little emotional LoL. Even though we had spoken at length on the phone, we had a good chat. There's no substitute I suppose for talking in person. It made me feel alot better having seen them.
Regarding the IVA, the case has now been passed to an Insolvency firm called Debt Lifeboat (good name!). They think I have a strong case going forward to the creditors. Things have been moving quicker than I thought they would, which can only be a positive. I have another load of paperwork to read through and sign, then if they are happy they will present the case to the creditors, then it's finger crossing time.
Saw the GP again yesterday, she is really happy with the progress I am making and says it's like speaking to a different person, than the first one that walked through her door. She has signed me off for another 3 weeks, as she says it would be best while I am awaiting the IVA decision. Think she's worried if I don't get it I could slide back to where I was a month ago. I suppose erring on the side of the caution is no bad thing.
I am planning on returning to the house tomorrow and spending the night, just to see how I feel. It will be good to get away for a bit and it will give Mum and Step-Dad some time to themselves.
The good days are definitely now starting to outnumber the bad ones.

Cheers

Stu

Stu_1978

Things have been pretty good since my last post. I have now been sent my proposal for the IVA. Everything is now done, just a case of dotting the I's and crossing the T's. Hopefully I will get a decision in the next couple of weeks. Seems like I have done more paperwork over the last month, than if I was at work. Still, it's a small price to pay if it means getting out of this hole.

Cheers

Stu

tlc678910

Hi Stu, it's great to read you are feeling more upbeat. Now you have the support of your family I'm sure you will cope with what comes along - keep sharing with them. They remind you that there are more important things than the money - like your health and well being!

I hope you are taking care of yourself as well as all that paperwork!

Tlc