Omg!!! Help me

Ianf72

:wall:
I need your help and advice I'm desperate and feel life is not worth it any more.

I 'm in debt crisis, lost my business and my marriage is breaking down.

I have debts from my personal and business life. I was a sloe trader so I have all the debt of around 30k. I can't see an end and now my marriage is breaking up. I'm finding it really hard to meet the repayments on my debt. I am currently working as an interim turnaround manager for the NHS on 275 a day. My contract ends in March and I have been advised by my agent that I will get another placement.

2015 is not good for me and I do feel like what's the point (sorry to be so morbid and I know there are people worse off than I)

I have a rundown van on its last legs and need transport to get to my job. As I am going to be separating from my wife I won't be able to use hers. Should I get a credit card and buy a run around before I enter into any DMP?

God I'm so down I could just cry. It's easier for all if I wasn't here!!

Any advice would be great
Thanks
Ian

Bored

Please remember, how ever bad a situation you feel you are in financially, nothing is worth taking your life. Take care of yourself and your mental health first of all and worry about everything else afterwards.

If you are feeling suicidal please contact the Samaritans and book an appointment with your GP ASAP.

Dr._Shoe

Awww hun. Keep your chin up!

I don't now enough about financial things to offer you advice but one thing I do know is that the night is always the darkest before dawn.

I thought I was hard done by when my boyfriend of only 4 years told me that he didn't want to see me any more and moved out just before Christmas. Now things are on the up, I'm dating again and socialising and quite enjoying the single life.

Another thing I know is that in the big scheme of things £30K is not really a lot in this day and age. If it were a mortgage you'd be laughing! You earn more in a day than I earn in a week but much of that is my choice because I'm doing the job I love.

Things may seem bleak now but in a year's time, or even in a few months, everything will seem so much better because this is the most depressing time of year.

Use this site, it has a lot of spectacularly useful info for people who need to save cash and get out of debt. Also it's a wonderful community for people who who need a shoulder to lean on.

Hang in there, things do get better, I promise!

Patman_Post

Hello Ian,

I really felt that I had to drop you a note, as it seems that you are really suffering. I have an idea what you must be going through because that was me 5 or 6 years ago. I can tell you that things can get better, but in order to do that you will need to take control. Reading through your post it seems like all that life is throwing at you is taking up all of your energy through excessive thinking.

Believe me I know how debilitating this is. I would be up all night running through thoughts in my head; having discussions with myself (heck, I would even have arguments with myself). I realised that this was a complete waste of my energies. It was sapping me of strength and making me worse to live with - hence my marriage interruption (I would say break-down, but we are back together now on a much more even keel). So you see things may not necessarily be over just because they appear so now.

One of the worst things I used to do was drink myself into oblivion every night. This was quite possibly the worst action I could have taken. It stopped me from functioning in the morning and in the evenings I was always looking for my next drink - so adding to my already desperate financial situation. I was sinking into a hole fast, and suffered the same thoughts as you are going through at the moment.

I wasn't self employed - but I was over £50k in debt.(Long story - one I can tell you over time after you get through your current crisis). Your problems can be overcome (I am living proof) but it is going to take some effort on your part.

First things first - and please get yourself to a doctor. I know that some people may think that this is admitting weakness (that's how I thought) - but it is the very best thing you can do. They will be able to provide medication that will help you to see your problems more clearly and so allow you to deal with them more efficiently. They can also provide counselling for you (or for you & your partner if this helps your relationship problems).

The next thing I did was get an exact understanding of my debts. I was saying things like oh yeah I have £20k on my cards, and wandering through life just repaying minimum balances. It was only after adding them up that I realised just how bad it was. Once I knew how bad it was I was able to form a plan to tackle it. It really did add years to my life. The stress was killing me and I didn't realise.

Anyway, I hope you are able to take this advise. 1) avoid drink/drugs. 2) get to see your GP. 3)write down exactly how much debt you are in and work out how much spare cash you have to start repaying it. I wasn't earning as much as £275 a day (but this does sound like a contractor arrangement - so I am not sure how much this is in comparison to my salary). Using my basic calculator it sounds like you are on about double my salary, so you should hopefully be able to pay it twice as fast.

Please don't despair, and find anyone you can who will listen to the things you need to say. I found that saying things like "I have a problem" out loud to other people helped me to reduce the anxiety and fear I was suffering.

I really hope you are able to put things in a clearer perspective in the morning. I really do.

Ianf72

Thank you so much for your advice it really helps to talk. I would really like to email Martin but not sure if you can?

Patman_Post

Hi Ian, I would think you probably can't mail him directly (I am unsure).

He does have a twitter feed - it is just there on the right hand side of the screen. I am not sure how twitter works (never embraced social media, d'oh) - but it does seem to be accessed by the great man himself.

JustUsSix

Hi Ian,

I'm new to this too and friday was my 'OMG' day. We had bailiffs turn up at our house and had no money to pay them with. There is nothing like the fear you feel when it seems you're drowning in debt but please, please remember that nothing is so bad that it can't be fixed. On friday i was in such a state, i came on here convinced bankruptcy was our only option, this lead to snowballing 'what might happen' thoughts but posting here, watching Martin's videos and reading other's stories was such a help.

We too are in around 30K debt, my husband was made redundant and we went from having a combined yearly income of £82k to almost nothing overnight. Yesterday my hubby and i sat down and went through everything - in comings, outgoings, checked benefits, used the budgeting tool on here etc . Just the process of doing this and knowing id taken those first steps has made a huge difference to my mental state. We've a long way to go but starting the process really does ease the pressure.

As i said, i'm new to this myself so have very little advice, i just wanted to say good luck and remember, it can be fixed

debt_free_vix

Hi Ian,

I'm a newbie too, so trying to find my way. We got into debt when my hubby lost his job (he hasn't worked full time in 6 years, despite having a PHD) and I became v depressed, so started spending my way out. I'd always been terrified of debt then found myself £14k in the red somehow! I just had my light bulb moment today, and we'll get out of this somehow. SO WILL YOU. First things first: see your doctor. If you're feeling like life isn't worth living, that's understandable, but remember that any type of extreme stress turns to distress, turns to depression. You've lost your perspective momentarily but that is ALL; that's why it feels like there's no way out. But there always is. Get professional support which will provide your lost perspective for you until yours comes back. Believe me, it will. The people here seem very supportive, and everyone's rooting for you. Keep fighting Ian.

Sazzie23

Morning All

Its good to know you are not alone here is the phone number for the Samaritans if anyone needs it

Samaritans 08457 909090

I'll let the OP's pick up on how to help, but remember that any financial situation is fixable but seeking help as early as possible reduces the pain.

Dozey_crow

Hi Ian,

Please ignore the post from 'If I were a Welshman', it is not indicative of this board at all. I suspect it's a spammer or troll and have reported it. Others will do the same in sure. So keep posting and draw on the support you can find here!

Bobarella

Hang in there Ian. I am a self employed small business person myself & the stress of trying to find money when it simply isn't there is horrible isn't it. If you need to have a cry do it! It's a stress release after all.
I know it's easy for me to say but have you thought about the way you want this to go? If you had a choice in it? It may make you feel better. For example. Do you want your marriage to break down? If no. What simple things are in your power today to do to stop that happening?
Have you sat down and written out your situation on paper? Sometimes just starting to do that can feel like you are taking control.
I think half of it comes down to self belief. Which is hard to have when you are in the bleakest points. But you are in the right place. Keep us posted. Literally

Bob