Who should pay for funeral?

andycris3107

I'm not entirely sure that this is the right forum but here goes.

My stepfather died 7 months ago and although he had a life insurance policy it covered less than a quarter of the cost of his funeral. I didn't actually know my stepfather very well, he met and married my mother long after I had left home. My 3 sisters were always much closer to him, all of them calling him dad. He also had a son from a previous marriage.

I wasn't involved in the funeral arrangements directly but it was immediately clear that the cost of even a basic funeral was beyond what my mum could afford. One of my sisters had been sharing a flat with me and 2 weeks earlier had left without notice owing me a months rent, hence she claimed to be broke and unable to pay anything. Another sister lives overseas and said that she would fly in immediately but that the cost of the flight meant that she couldn't pay anything. Another sister claimed to be broke. Finally the son (the only one genetically related to him) simply thanked me for letting him know and said that he would not pay anything.

As you might guess I ended up paying for the funeral.

Since then I have received money from his insurance, plus some grants from various organisations. I am still however out of pocket.

Also since then One sister has been abroad on holiday and is now planning a summer traveling through Europe for a month. Another sister has paid cash for an extension to their house, and the overseas sister has had two overseas family holidays. The son has actually paid me something towards the funeral. I have asked several times for a contribution but everyone always claims to be broke.

The problem I now have is that I risk splitting a family over money if I keep asking yet will be out of pocket forever if I don't.

I just feel like I've been taken for a ride.

barbie_babe

I would say your mum should pay being his wife. You could tell her you are out of pocket and see if she can pay you small amount each week. How would she have paid for it if you didnt have the money ?

Savvy_Sue

Also what else was in his estate, and what did his will say (if he had one)? Funeral expenses always trump anything else, afaik, so if he had money in bank accounts, shares etc the cost of the funeral should come to you before that money goes anywhere else.

Jagraf

barbie_babe wrote: »

I would say your mum should pay being his wife. You could tell her you are out of pocket and see if she can pay you small amount each week. How would she have paid for it if you didnt have the money ?

Agreed. None of you as children are responsible. It was good of you to pay and you may not get the money back, but it was a kind gesture. I wouldn't ask your siblings, its your mum you need to ask / decide whether to ask her or leave it be x

AngelOfTheNorth

You have been taken for a ride, yes.

But it's done now. They clearly don't intend to pay you, despite having spare income to be able to do so. That is what it is. You can't make them, so the question is what you'd get out of pursuing it. And yes, as pp said, check out the estate .

Mojisola

andycris3107 wrote: »

The problem I now have is that I risk splitting a family over money if I keep asking yet will be out of pocket forever if I don't.

I just feel like I've been taken for a ride.

Is it you asking that would split the family or them refusing to contribute?

Whoever signs the contract with the funeral director is the person responsible for paying the bill. No-one has to arrange and pay for a funeral - no matter what relation you are to someone.

If there is anything in the deceased's estate, then the funeral bill is the first thing that has to be paid.

g6jns_2

andycris3107 wrote: »

I'm not entirely sure that this is the right forum but here goes.

My stepfather died 7 months ago and although he had a life insurance policy it covered less than a quarter of the cost of his funeral. I didn't actually know my stepfather very well, he met and married my mother long after I had left home. My 3 sisters were always much closer to him, all of them calling him dad. He also had a son from a previous marriage.

I wasn't involved in the funeral arrangements directly but it was immediately clear that the cost of even a basic funeral was beyond what my mum could afford. One of my sisters had been sharing a flat with me and 2 weeks earlier had left without notice owing me a months rent, hence she claimed to be broke and unable to pay anything. Another sister lives overseas and said that she would fly in immediately but that the cost of the flight meant that she couldn't pay anything. Another sister claimed to be broke. Finally the son (the only one genetically related to him) simply thanked me for letting him know and said that he would not pay anything.

As you might guess I ended up paying for the funeral.

Since then I have received money from his insurance, plus some grants from various organisations. I am still however out of pocket.

Also since then One sister has been abroad on holiday and is now planning a summer traveling through Europe for a month. Another sister has paid cash for an extension to their house, and the overseas sister has had two overseas family holidays. The son has actually paid me something towards the funeral. I have asked several times for a contribution but everyone always claims to be broke.

The problem I now have is that I risk splitting a family over money if I keep asking yet will be out of pocket forever if I don't.

I just feel like I've been taken for a ride.

Sorry to say you have been taken for a ride. It was generous of you to pay even though you had no legal obligation to. Only you can decide if the potential family rift is worth sticking to your guns.

Sazzie23

Who deat with winding up of the estate (reclaiming any insurance, old savings accounts etc) that person should refund the money for the funeral to you, if they fail to do so you might be able to take action against them.

Of course if it's a family member who dealt with it taking recovery actions probably cause too much grief, at least you know how loyal the family are to each other and you, and can make your own financial arrangements accordingly.

Be thinking about your mothers affairs and get her to make appropriate arrangements, maybe she might leave you a bequest to repay what you paid out for her husband. I think you sound like a good person, unfortunately this is not always rewarded on this earth.