Do you keep your debt a secret?

RosaBernicia

Not any more.

I have always told a few close friends that I had debts, but not how much. I told my parents recently as I was fed up of hiding it and they have actually been much more supportive than I expected. I think they are finally realising that the world is different from when they got out of uni debt free and bought a 2 bed semi on one average income!

Also, my debts have been mostly due to paying for a second undergraduate degree and reducing my hours to do a masters, plus learning to drive (which took an embarrassing amount of lessons and a ridiculous amount of money in my case) plus buying and maintaining a car. I only really keep the car in order to get to family at the other end of the country in a hurry if necessary, and am grateful I'm able to do this as it was a massive help when my dad was suddenly ill. So I feel I have mostly spent it on worthwhile things.

It's true you never really know what other people's situation is and I really try not to make assumptions any more. One friend I thought was fine has debts herself also from our studies and a relative I thought was loaded borrowed from family for her postgrad fees. For a long time I thought I was the only one and that others would judge me for it and now I don't know why I got that idea.

Rosa xx

Newyorkdreams

We keep it a secret. Only myself, my DH and my mum know the amount. Others know we have 'debt' but not how much. I would be mortified and ashamed to say what it is and don't want judged by people commenting on what we buy or do with our money (how can you have a baby when you are in so much debt? Why are you going on a nice holiday when you are in so much debt? etc etc).


And to echo others comments, it's no one else's business!


NYD

rokchik

F e c kless = irresponsible
And yes, I realised after I posted it that it is indeed a common replacement for the 'f' word - I should have known, as I used to love Father Ted!

volensia

I'm very open and honest about my own personal debt, and my general financial situation, but I know that I have a pretty good control over it. If I had more debt and less control, I'd probably be less likely to want to talk about it. If I'm short on money one month, you can guarantee I'll be the one to refuse doing something being I'm short on cash. Though, to be fair, I'm a bit like that even when I have the money. xD

tori.k

YORKSHIRELASS wrote: »

So, no. No-one knows about our debts except us. Our teenage kids know we have some debts but not how much.

I have older teenagers 18+ at home and they know our full financial affaires it been a good teaching tool especially if they decide to come into the family business, we decided to keep it all transparent as I wanted them to feel that debt isn't taboo and comfortable to discuss any financial issues they may be facing themselves, found it's also allayed the worry they had when it seemed we had an awful lot of Credit cards tarted to 0% deals.

pridebeforeafall

My first post!

My wife is the only person that knows the amount, I feel so terrible about it that I would never tell anyone the specific amount. My extended family know there is an 'issue', but not what exactly.

I'm so desperate to talk about it that I've joined the forum to do just that!

Hedgehog99

femalemonarchfemalecanine wrote: »

Because it is used as a euphemism for f u c k

but only to get round profanity filters and to avoid swearing in public - just like some people start to say ssshhhhh.... and end with sugar.

for f e c k, my dictionary says there are some obscure meanings, plus efficacy, quantity, number, the bulk. f e c k l e s s is (archaic) feeble, ineffectual, helpless & futile.

MichaelaLondon

I will tell anyone who will listen - for several reasons

Firstly, I feel we got into debt for "good" reasons - i.e. house renovation rather than general overspending - we were just very naive about the ability to re-mortgage afterwards. So I don't feel that we would be judged too much.

Secondly, because we live quite frugally compared to most of our friends and family, other than the house of course. We don't go on holidays and we dont' eat out a lot or even get takeouts much. So again I feel people wouldn't judge me too badly by saying things like "why are you going on hoilday when you have debts"

Mostly though because so many people are in the same boat and there are lots of solutions and help available but only if you know about them. So I want to help people learn what i've leant about credit files, budgetting, which debts to pay first etc etc.

Still I rarely tell people the headline figure - I have shared our family's budget with people though, and I have done one for another family who had a change in circumstance and were struggling to manage. So they have seen what our monthly repayments are and how we target any spare money at the worst credit card.

Its really strange when I think about it though - I am definitely guided by how much I think people woudl judge me, but I don't think of myself as someone who much cares what others think of me.

The more we all talk about it, the more we can educate each other and the less debt we will get into in the first place - so why do we still feel there is a stigma? odd!

Hedgehog99

I don't discuss the amount, but I do explain to friends that I am skint. That's not a problem though because I don't have rich friends with bigger budgets trying to persuade me to spend spend spend.

If I had or was planning to have joint financial accounts with someone, I would tell them my debt value before that because it is the right thing to do and I know I wouldn't want to take on someone else's debt.

I want to pay off my cc's and am in the process of doing so. My parents don't know about my debt, but I suspect they suspect I owe something. If I died before it is paid off, a payment from my employer because I had died while I worked for them would more than cover my cc's, mortgage and the cost of winding up my affairs, so my parents would not be out of pocket.

I'm not proud of where my debt came from. It was due to paying for things (annual car & home insurance premiums, plus some UK holiday expenses, but only a Travelodge for a few nights etc) I thought I would pay off in two or three months, but didn't and then the interest added up when I was only making min payments. I now always pay more than the min payment so that I account for the interest I will be charged the next month and so that my balance decreases. I'm glad kids get financial education at school these days. We did interest rates in maths, but that was it.

I read on here yesterday about paying off one cc to prompt a new 0% offer, so I think I will try that.

I think discussing or not discussing debt is so private because of how we perceive others. When I look along the road where I live, there are people who appear to have a large income, but do they really earn the £50k each it would take for their lifestyle or are their nice cars, ever-changing sofas, sky TV and renovations all on tick? "Keeping up with the Joneses" is an important social pressure, and advertisers thrive on it, making us think we should have the very latest everything.

NotGivingIn

DH and I have significant debts that we built up through following bad advice, so am wary of who I would talk to about this anyway. This is why we only talk to our DMP organisers about it. Like others I think close friends & family may have guessed due to a lack of social life and no holidays at all for the last 5 years. It should also be noted that in my job, it is actually listed in my contract that I could be dismissed for bancruptcy and other financial issues due to the sensitive nature of my position - another reason for many people to keep quiet.