Batting this curveball in a positive direction...

MeandO

Well, this is not the life I expected to be facing in my mid 30s.

I'd grab yourself a cuppa (or something stronger) if I was you...

As the title suggests, life has thrown a massive curveball at me this past year, in the form of an extremely amicable, yet very painful separation from my husband who was, and still is, my best friend.

Unfortunately, there lies the root of the problem.

We love and care greatly for each other, but were living like housemates and there was nothing else there. Regretfully, after months of soul searching, we decided the best option for the future happiness of ourselves and our much adored child (DS, 4) was to separate before our relationship turned to resentment and bickering which, unfortunately, was starting to creep in.

So, fast forward a year, (yes, we've really been sharing a house for the whole time!) and the ex is within weeks of moving out now that his house is ready. I have bought him out of our family home and he has purchased one just around the corner, so that he is close for our DS which is THE most important factor in all this.

I should probably say that I am not actually a new user, I spent a good 4 years on these boards paying off our debt, becoming debt free in 2013. Unfortunately, with the emotions running high these past 12 months, I lost a grip on the finances and I/we are no longer debt free, but this will largely be covered within my remortgage and some of the cash the ex is acquiring from the house. As this is a new start for me, I feel I need to leave my old user ID behind, it just brings back memories of times past when my future seemed a lot less daunting.

So, I am facing the scary prospect of going it alone now. _pale_

My budget will be tight beyond belief for a while and my way of living will have to change dramatically, but it can be done.

This diary, hopefully, will help me through the dark times (of which there have already been many!) and help me to keep focused on my new budget and making my new life a positive and happy one.

I think that's enough for now, I will update later with my new budget plan.

MeandO
x

PinkPoppies

Sorry to hear you have had such a tough time, it sounds as though your little boy is very lucky to have such sensible and considerate parents though.

Wishing you the very best of luck on your journey xx

MeandO

Thank you PinkPoppies, it has not been an easy decision to reach but we would rather our son grow up with two happy, yet separated, parents who get on extremely well with each other, rather than with a Mum and Dad who are unhappy, sleep in separate rooms and just 'share a house'.
I really hope we are doing the right thing for him and that one day he understands and forgives us for not staying together.

MeandO

Last night the ex and I sat down and talked logistics. We worked out when DS will be sleeping at whose house and planned school runs. It's so extremely amicable between us that neither of want to monopolise DS's time, but hopefully we've worked out the best way of doing this for DS. It was a conversation I never thought I'd have to have though.
I also had to draft up an 'agreement of separation' for the remortage company today. That was pretty sad too.

I need to pull the purse strings very tight this month as I'm already overdrawn and down to damage limitation until my financial situation changes when the ex moves out.
I've been bringing breakfast and lunch into work so I don't spend money and today have left all cash at home so I'm not tempted to buy snacks from the vending machine.

Lunch today was leftovers from last night's dinner of budget and storecupboard-friendly red lentil & quorn sausage chilli. It was a lot nicer than I expected and made loads in the slow cooker!

When I'm living on my own with my DS I'll be meal planning and shopping accordingly. I don't really have time to shop in the week, so my plan is to write a list of meals and internet shop for delivery once a week. Hopefully this will keep me on the straight and narrow with the much slimmer grocery budget. DS is not a great eater, which stems from a medical problem when he was a baby, but he is slowly getting there with trying new foods. I'm not fussy with food and will eat whatever is in the cupboard pretty much, so I'm hoping the grocery bill drastically drops.

Today I have made £15 selling some no longer needed baby equipment locally, and have interest on a £50 item so fingers crossed that sells quickly too. I do have a little pile to ebay, but I'm going to wait a few weeks before listing it as it is more summer stuff. I need to pay a £200 tax bill before the end of the month, so I'm hoping it will go towards that.

I've also donated lots of books DS has outgrown to his school, who were thrilled, as was I for the space it's freed up on my spare room floor.

I've completed yet more paperwork for the remortgage today, I'm hoping this will be the last of it now. Boy, who said divorce was ever the easy option?!

MeandO

My, I'm glad it's Friday, it's been a long week.
I'm so looking forward to a couple of days off of doing very little, other than being in my house and having fun with my little boy.

Keeping up the overdraft damage limitation, I brought breakfast and lunch to work today - brekkie was porridge, lunch was the last of the red lentil chilli which seems to get better every time I eat it (thankfully!).
I've been looking at low cost recipes and budgeting books online today. I stopped myself from buying the books (albeit second hand where possible) and printed out some of the nicest ones instead.
Part of me is almost looking forward to starting my frugal lifestyle, although I'm not quite sure whether it's excitement or terror I'm feeling at the moment, the two keep hitting me in equal measures!

MeandO

Well, the weekend had its fraught moments and was a little stressful at times, but on the whole, not so bad I guess.

I had to spend some money at the weekend - £50 on diesel to fill the car up, £15 on a new duvet for DS & some household bits we need from HB, and had an online shop delivered for £34 which stocked the freezer up.

Ditched the idea of taking DS to the cinema yesterday morning which would've cost us close to £20 and went for a walk in a local beauty spot with park etc, costing just £1 entry.
Spent the afternoon painting and playing with DS, all fun for free

This morning I have listed a few things on ebay which I haven't managed to sell locally. Two are bulky items, so they will have to be for local collection only, so not sure if they'll sell. Hopefully it's all go and will bring some much needed funds in.

I'm counting the days until payday...

Mumoffourkids

Hi MeandO,

I just wanted to comment on your story as although I have more kids than you, the reason why you split up with your husband is so similar to me. Me and my husband had been co-existing for a while and again we decided to split before we went too far and started to hate each other. It is hard and we are trying so hard to remain amicable for the kids as I would rather the kids grow up with two happy parents who are separated rather than two unhappy parents who are together.

The other thing that I had in my head was that my parents stayed together far too long just for the sake of me and my brother and I really didn't want that to happen with my kids!

I am a lot happier now in my life although it is stressful bringing up four kids by myself and working part time! And it is a struggle money wise until our former house sells.

I have subscribed and will be tracking your progress as you go. Good luck with the overdraft damage limitation!

MeandO

Hi Mumoffourkids and thanks so much for dropping by.

It's really not nice at all to hear other people are going through the same thing, I wouldn't wish this on anyone! It must be extremely difficult with 4 kids, I find it hard with 1!
I work full time and also have a business which takes up a lot of my time once DS is in bed, so poor little one is in childcare every day after his part time school, thankfully he seems to like it and be thriving on it though. Unfortunately I can't afford to give up the business or cut down my hours at work.

Fingers crossed your house sells soon too, ours was on the market for almost year unfortunately, hence why we eventually agreed I would buy the ex out.

It's such a rollercoaster of emotions all of this isn't it!

The very best of luck to you xx

Mumoffourkids

I only work three and a half days a week and I have someone who comes to my house on the days I work to look after the kids which does help but it is hard work. Mondays and Fridays are my catch up on the housework days but I keep getting distracted!

It is definitely hard with four kids but my oldest is almost thirteen and she does help with the younger ones. I couldn't do this if I worked full time and running a business on top must be very hard!

I used to run a business with my ex but he took that over, but today I have helped him with a couple of bits as his computer isn't working but its ok as I have time.

I definitely have good days and bad days, today is a good day and I feel like I am getting a lot done. Last week was filled with mostly bad days. I think I just have to realise that and not beat myself up when I am having a bad day.

Good luck to you as well. How many days are there until payday? I am counting down the days as well!

MeandO

I know what you mean about housework - I spent the weekend trying to catch up, but it doesn't look like it!

That's nice that your eldest helps out too.

Must've been something in the air last week then as most of my week was filled with bad days too, with lots of tears. Today hasn't started too great, but I'm just writing that off as a Monday morning thing.

10 days til payday and it can't come soon enough!! When the ex finally gets the money from my remortage, he is throwing a lump at the bank account/credit card so it's more or less all paid off. He's very good like that, so I can't complain.

On a positive, just sold the first BIN on ebay, only £5.99 but it all helps!

Mumoffourkids

That is good about the Ebay sale! Lets hope you can make some more sales on there. Me and the kids moved into a rented house nearer to where I work so most of the stuff I could sell is still in the loft of our old house. I must spend a weekend there sorting out stuff to sell soon!

With my Ex we split the debt half and half and as more were on cards in my name than in his name, he is going to be paying me the difference. He should be able to do that next month as he has just started a contract role.

He will also be able to pay me a decent amount of maintenance next month, so this should be the last month that I am really struggling, next month should just be a little struggle whilst I am waiting for various benefit claims to be updated. But luckily they should all be backdated so I should get a lump sum and then regular payments!

This week is definitely going to be a big struggle, I have worked out that I am £100 short which is my food budget. So I have to work out how to buy food on zero budget.

Sorry to hear your week last week was a bad week too. It had lots of tears for me too! This week is definitely going to be better as although I didn't get everything done on my list today, I did get a lot done and made enough chicken pasta bake from our left over roast chicken to feed me and the kids tonight and for me to take to work for lunch!

Hope your day got better