The penny has finally dropped.

Karmacat

Hello svb!

Congratulations on starting your thread. I started my first diary thread on dfw a million years ago, something like 2007, and really, its been a life saver. StressedSteph said it - log on here every day, every day, three times a day if you want - diarise what you're doing, read what others are doing, post on your challenges, even if it repeats what you've put on your diary. MSE, and especially dfw, is a wonderful place :beer:

svb53 wrote: »

Hi,

Well, as the title says, the penny has finally dropped. It's been coming for a while, but yesterday was the first time that it's really hit home.
A little it about the recent situation. I became seriously ill when I was 18, and have consequently had a huge amount of surgery. I'm now 29, 30 in a few months. I've had to go self employed due to my health. Then just as I was getting my head around that, my husband left for someone else.
I openly admit I suffer with severe depression. I m now on the appropriate medication, and have used a lot of hypnotherapy. I've let a lot of things go, and I can now see and think more clearly. Whilst I was at my worse with depression, I couldn't open post or retrieve voicemails. It's my warning that I'm going into a slump. I currently have around 4 months worth of post to open, and 40 voicemails on my phone.
I've recently had major surgery, then contracted viral meningitis. Whilst being so ill, I had to let two friends come in and help to look after me. It's the first time I've ever really let down the barriers. They have helped me to realise that how much I have in the house is not normal. I'm not a candidate for a hoarders programme, but I do have a huge amount of clutter.

Ohmyword, you've had such a lot happen! Can I just say, I'm a big fan of selling to declutter, but after surgery and a very serious viral illness, you need to look after your health even more. Don't strain your recovering immune system to try and do it quickly. I understand the not opening post and not listening to voicemails - even the flu got me that way (this is my first "normalish" day after coming down with it on the 17th of this month). The post may be important, to be honest - for instance, although I pay my credit card bills in full every month online, the accounts themselves aren't online, so I need to open my post to tell me how much to sock over to them You know yourself what your own particular situation might be :kisses3:

I've just accepted a place at Birmingham uni to study counselling and clinical hypnotherapy. It's something I've always wanted to do, and now have more of an understanding having experienced it for myself.

That sounds great! I'm a self employed counsellor and psychotherapist, private sector obviously, and I'm at the other end of the spectrum, retiring in a couple of years, I've been doing it since the late 1980s. One very, very important thing I can tell you: I'd never trust a counsellor who hadn't had counselling, and not just the stuff that goes in parallell with being on the course either. You *needed* the help you got, you know on a gut level what a big difference it can make, that makes you a more trustworthy counsellor, in my book, than somebody who's sailed through life. The depths of pain are really difficult to understand for somebody who's never been there. You have, and you're ready to move on - along with study and growth, that can make you a fantastic counsellor :kisses3:

If you've read this far you deserve a medal. Sorry to go on, but I felt it was really important to be totally honest here. Thank you for reading, it's much appreciated.

Its a huge moment for you, you can really turn your life around gradually.

svb53 wrote: »

Can I get people's opinions please? Do you spread extra money across all debts, or throw it at one of the smaller ones to clear it and reduce the number of creditors? I've heard people do either option, but am interested to know what works for you.

People have already written about the basic principle - while making minimum payments on your other debts, paying off in full the debt with the highest rate of interest first, so that you pay less in interest overall, and when *that* debt is paid off, throw all the money at the debt with the next highest rate of interest.

There are a couple of tricky bits: sometimes there's a penalty fee that can wipe out the advantage of chucking everything at a debt that has a high rate of interest: you have to read the small print and check. The other is the psychological situation: if people owe small amounts of money to several lenders, even though its a low rate of interest, it can be a lot more satisfying to pay them off and get rid of them than the pure logic of the situation dictates. Or maybe saving up money to pay off a high interest debt in full worries you, having all that money in your account feels like its burning a hole in your pocket, and you're worried about spending it.

Its an individual thing, but the logic is just to pay off the debt with the highest rate of interest first. Martin calls it the snowball effect

I haven't read the whole thread yet, so I'll carry on Hope I haven't repeated what others have said too much!

Karmacat

svb53 wrote: »

I know that one of my debts only has £80 left outstanding, as I paid the majority of it in December. It's not the highest interest, but it's one that I can clear straightaway and be done with.

Okay, so thats the psychology thing I was wittering about - logic be damned, sort of thing - you have to do this in the right way for you!

RE decluttering, I don't quite know where to start. I have a large old house that needs fully renovating, but it can't be done without space. My ex hasn't cleared all of his stuff out yet either which isn't helping. I'm trying to deal with just one box full at a time, rather than getting loads out, then getting tired quickly and needing to sleep before putting things away again.

One box at a time is exactly right. When I helped my sister clear out her garage after her husband died, we were standing in the only place with clear floorspace :eek: so we started to clear a shelf. That didn't take long, so we created some floorspace, and we could move around and see what was there. Its like the snowball of debt, but physical

As far as your ex's stuff still being there - he's the one that decided to leave! He can take his own stuff. If not, mm, I wouldn't put it into storage actually - what if he won't pay the bill? I'd tell him its going into the back garden, or by the bins, anywhere out of your home. He has to face the consequences of his actions (oh god yes, I'm a counsellor, after all ).

svb53 wrote: »

I've not done loads as I'm still sleeping the majority of the time, but I've done bits. I listed an armful of stuff on ebay which is all selling really well, and I've had two buy it nows on some of the expensive make up.

I'm glad to hear you're sleeping - thats the most important, as I said, you need to heal.

I said to someone in passing that I'm doing this, and they replied about how everyone says they want to change the world this time of year, and it's full of "new year, new me" promises that then get broken. And I just thought that actually that's not what I'm doing. I've known I need to do this for at least the last six months, and have watched my health deteriorate, knowing that I'd need major surgery. With all of the change in my life in the last 12 months, from leaving my corporate job that was killing me for self employment, the stresses that working for yourself brings, then my husband leaving. In an odd way it feels like it's a period of clearing to make way for the new.

The person you spoke to is just speaking from convention - what they said is true, after all, but its also true that you're going through a lot more than that. Its totally what you said in your last sentence, clearing out to make way for the new.

I know I've got some uni textbooks to buy in January so am trying to build a little fund for that.

I'd advise you to be careful what you buy - check out the ordinary town library, and check out the university library too. Check how soon you can join the library, and whether you can get books out before you actually start your course. If you do decide you need to buy, and go onto ebay and whatnot, be careful to get the right edition - some of the basic books on counselling skills were published a long time ago, and they're in their 7th edition or something, but the earlier editions are still for sale.

gallygirl wrote: »

Well done on what you've achieved do far :j. I'll point someone from the mortgage free board in your direction as she can natter to you about your course. Are there any grants you can apply for to get help with books etc?

Thats me Lot of questions in this bit, its just a ramble, I don't mean to be pushy, sorry! You're already accepted on the course; is that the source of your self employment, or are you already doing something else? If it *is* the source of your self emp., how long is it? Is it a foundation, are there other courses you need to do before you can work? What about accreditation and insurance? What professional body? How will you fund yourself while you're training? How will you build up your client base? It can take several months to get your *first* client, let alone enough to create an income to live on. Or would you be applying to work for Employee Assistance Programmes? Its a tricky field to work as a counsellor, but its absolutely possible to earn a good living. My own little niche has collapsed, and I'm kind of burned out anyway, but a good living can definitely be had. And the work is really, really worthwhile.

As you like writing lists you'd probably like doing a statement of affairs. Can someone on here supply a link please, I don't know where it is . If you list the interest rates as well as outstanding balances we can give better advice. I'm all for keeping it simple and keeping your motivation going at first so I'd probably advise killing off any I could that have low balances.

I've lost touch with the Statement of Affairs linkie too ... if no one's posted it by the time I post this opus I'll have a looksee while my pasta's cooking

Have you listened to any of your phone messages yet (or have you solved that by selling the phone ). Personally I'd just delete them all without listening to them - if it's important they'll ring again and if it was time sensitive then it's already too late .

:rotfl: Thats a very Gally solution - I like it :j though I couldn't cope with doing that myself

Make a to do list (including doing an SOA, getting your SNOWBALL debt date (which you can then work at reducing) and deleting the phone messages) then you can cross them off and get a sense of achievement :T. You are doing remarkably well with what you've been through so take pride in yourself :j. In fact, write that on the list as well :rotfl:.

What she said :j:j:j

AleMrsT

in_need_of_direction wrote: »

I agree with gg. I would add though that you should give your ex a date to clear out his stuff or advise him you will be putting it into storage. Otherwise, like me, ten years later you'll still be finding it in the loft!

Hi SVB. I agree with INOD on this one, I told my ex to fetch the rest of his stuff 'next week', two weeks later, I sold it ALL at a car boot sale. His loss, he should have fetched it when I told him to!!

Pidge_jen

I've been ill really for a few years, with various different things. I do have a pretty poor immune system (I was misdiagnosed with a gastro condition aged 16 and put on industrial doses of steroids, which I maintain has affected me to this day - it was actually all due to a surgical :mad:up from my appendix being removed). The viral meningitis - probably a month or so since I've been having symptoms, but only diagnosed 2 days before Christmas. I'm a stress head, and I think the combination of new job, new house, mortgage, debt, and post grad degree has probably taken it out of me! Hope you feel better soon. My New Years resolution is to be less of a stress head

With uni, don't run out and buy loads of books..the uni library usually has everything u want, or they usually pay for subscriptions so u can use e-books for free.

jwil

:wave: Didn't realise you were starting a diary. Good luck