Did i do the right thing when it = money

continualdiamond

Im kinda in a difficult position, i guess i am trying to make myself better, so here goes with details.

My sister gets married this Aug, 25th. We couldn't afford the airfare, so my parents kindly stepped in and paid for me to go. Well i was due to fly out last night to Austalia and had a horrible panic attack and couldn't fly.

Today, obviously i've had mixed emotions.

1. Thinking about all the stuff i will miss out on, big one being a bridesmaid in my sisters wedding, not seeing family (haven't in 3 years).

2. Looked into exchange rate to change my travellers cheques back etc and put the total back into our budget, IF i had gone with the spending money (£179) we would of paid the price in September and not been able to afford to live. My partner starts a much better paid job the 6th Aug, but its monthly pay and at the moment he gets paid weekly, so that affects everything.

I wasn't aware things would be so tight in September had i have gone on my holiday, my fiancee assured me we were alright and he'd 'make do' while i was away because he wanted me to go back for the wedding so bad.

We've just entered into a DMP as well, sent letters to creditors last week, so in that sense i am glad i didn't go, because 2 heads to deal with it all are better than one.

I think i did the right thing when i look at what that £179 will now be put towards, rather than a holiday that was going to make us suffer even more. Yet now do i get these feelings out of the way of feeling terrible that i am going to miss my only sisters wedding.

I know i am not the only one to miss out on these kind of events due to money issues, i am sure a lot of you out on this thread have missed on many things. So any tips to try and cope and feel a bit better???

My fiancee has been really supportive, i only have him as all my family are in Australia, i am on the only one who lives out here.

Would you all agree that long term i did the right thing as we'll be better off for money now when we go a whole month without my fiancees wage, we both will be on monthly pay now :eek:

hypno06

Sorry to read that for whatever reasons you are missing your sister's wedding.

Sometimes things happen because they are just meant to be - you had a panic and couldn't go through with the flight, and as a result, you can eat and live through September without undue worry.

Your sister wouldn't want you to make yourself worried over debt etc so use the money wisely, wish her all the best on the phone, think about her wedding in a very positive way, and put the money in the budget.

I hope you are feeling better now and the panic has subsided x

newleaf

Sorry to hear you have had such a distressing time. Often, panic attacks are a symptom of stress caused by other things not going well in your life - like finances. I feel sure your sister and family will understand. I hope you are feeling better now, and urge you to seek help with anxiety management from your GP.

ltm07

You are in a similar position to me. My brother & his OH are getting married in Brisbane in November. Our family are going(apart from one brother & his family,as he said he couldn't afford to get the money together,even though my brother over there said he'd put the money together so they could go & they could pay it back in installments). My OH got £3500 compensation back from her old job as they were underpaying the women employees,otherwise we wouldn't have been able to go. It has been on the back of my mind how we were going to pay for accomodation,food etc. Luckily through some advice on here i have cashed my AXA Sun Life policy in,so i will soon be receiving £1800. We will enjoy it over there & i will be glad to be at my brother's wedding,but saying that if my OH hadn't received the compo & i hadn't cashed the policy in,we would have been miserable for the next few years trying to pay everything back. My brother understands why my other brother isn't going as he & his OH are in a similar position to us. Life really is tough at times.

TTMCMschine

ltm07,
if things are so tight you'd be better off using the money to pay down some debts instead of jetting off to Australia, even if it is your brothers wedding. I think your other brother has the right idea - can't afford it, so not going - spending money on things that we can't afford is what gets most people into debt problems to start with.

My sister in law is getting married in Malta in a couple of weeks & we aren't going. Not because we haven't got the money, but because we're saving to buy a house (& the wife doesn't like flying anyway) & the airfares for 2 adults & 2 children & hotels, etc would just be too much - we need the money for our life here, not to spend it on flying abroad for a wedding. My sister in law fully understands that we won't be going - they chose to get married abroad, so shouldn't expect everyone to be able to come, & it should be the same for people who live abroad permanatley.

ltm07

If it weren't for us getting all that money we wouldn't be going TTMC. However,we paid for the flights as soon as OH received the £3500(flights came to £1950 for the 3 of us,God only knows what we've done with the other £1550 ). The £1750 will easily cover the accomodation for 3 of us for the 3 weeks so it's just a case of getting the spending money together,& thankfully the cost of living is alot cheaper in Oz than it is over here. As i said before if it wasn't for the £3500 my OH received then there's no way we could have afforded to go. You're points are correct about people shouldn't expect everyone to go over though. Another reason we are going is because a couple of years ago i went for 6 weeks to see my brother over there & OH & daughter stayed here. I saved solidly for 2 years to go,but OH didn't want to take DD out of school. As soon as i boarded the plane i regretted going on my own and promised to take them over. When OH received the money,it was the perfect opportunity to go,especially as my brother is getting married. We didn't have our lbm til the start of this month & we are starting to get everything under control & as soon as we get back we know it's cheaper hols for the next few years & we will be doing our upmost to become debt-free.

poppyjay

hope you are feeling better its a awful thing to happen but it has .your health is the most important thing that matter .you need to take thing steady for the next few days dont rush into anything.hope every thing goes well for you

continualdiamond

Thanks so much for the replies, its nice to read other peoples opinions and similar experiences. While being in my sisters wedding would of been amazing and having got see all my relatives would of been great, i would of felt worse when i came back, having to of really struggled for money.

I surpose when i look at it more, with what has happened, now i can save up on my own for myself and my fiancee to maybe go to Australia together next August and know we 'have' the money and opposed to convincing ourselves, will be okay, which i now clearly can see we wouldn't of been when i had come back.

Thanks so much once again, i am feeling loads better about eveything today. Just what to say to work friends when i go back to work (school) in Sept, they will all be asking q's of what my holiday was like.

ltm07

Glad you are feeling better. Maybe just tell your friends & work colleagues that you had a panic attack about flying. They don't have to know about the other reasons. I was feeling down about going myself,but as i am cashing in my savings plan,it has given us so much breathing space. Good luck & at least you will have the time to get the money together for next year. All the best.

southernscouser

This is probably no help to you at all but;

I'd do everything I could to make it to the wedding if I really wanted to go.

How much exactly do you need?

And then think what can you do to make that money?

What have you got that you can sell?

Ebay, boot sales, amazon?

If you really want to go there must be a way and maybe we can help you.

Burlesque_Babe

I missed my sister's wedding in 2001 due to me being very very ill. My mum offered to pay for me to take the train first class (ouch!) from Dorset to Scotland but I was too ill and I felt guilty, but at the time I wasn't well enough to really leave the house.

Financially I was in a mess at the time and wouldn't have been able to pay the bills if I'd have gone and paid for a hotel etc (even with the more than generous offer by my parents - something they themselves would have struggled to pay for me)

They gave me a copy of the wedding video so I did kind of see what happened.

This has made me think though - is there anyway it could be broadcast - via a webcam? You could see it 'live' if it could be.