Gross neglect in a care home

SlimmingSusan

Cavework, I hope it will not be the last post you make as our experirnces are similar, not the same but similar, but I beat myself up every day that dad passed away alone from pneumonia, in his sleep, 19 days before he would have turned 80. This experience is a normal one but mother made it all the more harder over the 7 years of his illness, ansd still refuses care herself, even though she is literally housebound, and sits in her rise and recline chair all day.

She says she 'copes admirably', yet when I or my children visit, which is getting less and less as she'sso nasty, she has not had a cup of tea all day. I know different, as the kettle is warm, she cannot be coping well but also not doing anything.

IK knoiw in April rules change and I can get a ss report in my own right. She has accepted nothing since dad had his stroke in 2006, and it has destroyed me. Yes I am exhausted, but still trying to do a degree and protect my kids from her at the same time, there is no way they will be treated like her convenience like I have all my life.

This is awful to say, but my dad was a lovely person and I wish he hadn't gone first. It was only when he became incapacitaited overnight with his stroke that she changed, but looking back I see how much she affected me all my life. I love her, but I am suffering terrible problems mentally now, and it impacting on everyone.

I have phoned her gp many times, but they don't care, my gp is a different surgery in same town and is horrified.....

SlimmingSusan

BobQ, that is the information I need, thank you

SlimmingSusan

Actually, now I understand what you said I will copy my pm to you on here as am horrified that you think that standard of care is acceptable, this was when my mum was paying a grand a week privately by the way, before the nhs and police got involved then had to paqy for the 3 months for nursing care at the end of his life. If this is what is happening then it is wrong...
To cavework
I understand what you say, but this was gross neglect, and has been upheld as a complaint by social services themselves. He only stopped sitting up in his . Left to sat in an upright chair, never moved, as disabled and not able to say he was in pain. Even we visited often we did not know, as he was always sat in lounge and the sores were forming on his legs. Of course he was not able, but every human being deserves respect and equal care. Am not going to argue, of course he was at the end, but that does not excuse neglect, and suffering and so much pain from not being turned, as he was so disabled, left in the same position for hours, and could not tell anybody, as he lost his mental capacity. Well this has left me on disability benefits, pip, and made me so ill so the impact of poor care at the basic levels has a massive impact for society.

I will graduate next year, or the year after if my gp signs me off this week, in my dad's name, and hope to make this world a better place by doing so.

SlimmingSusan

nobody interested? So this standard of care is acceptable?

Torry_Quine

I doubt anyone thinks poor care is acceptable! :eek: You need to look after yourself though and hard as it sounds try and let go of what has happened. Social services are looking into this and they are the ones who have the power in this area.

As a carer yourself you need to be assessed as to your needs.

Pricivius

I don't think anyone has said or could possibly think that the standard of care is acceptable.

However, as I tried to point out, you need to find a way forwards for your own health and wellbeing. It happened. It should not have happened, but it did. You need to find the tiniest positive from this horrific situation and build it into something. You suggest you have plans to make the world a better place once you have graduated and this sounds like a way forward.

What happened to my relatives should never have happened, but there were positives and we've all grasped these and moved on. There really is no other way...

Sazzie23

Grief is a terrible destructive thing, it sounds like your mother started to grieve after fathers stroke and never moved on.

Please don't beat yourself up about father dying alone, I cared for my father in 2002, he waited til I nipped out to the toilet before passing. I'm sure it was deliberate, my brother had just left to drive home and I left the room momentarily. I don't know what your beliefs are about death and afterlife etc, but it gives me comfort to believe that Dad knows I tried to do the right thing, and I hope that your father will look the same at you.

Bizarrely, and I know it makes me sound mad, my father communicates with me through music, whenever I get in the car at a certain place there will be a song on the radio helping me get strength to carry on when life is tough. It took me a long time to realise this was what was happening, but now I recognise it, I get comfort rather than be spooked by it.

I feel from your posts that you are the keep going type of person, and work through it, me too - but give yourself a break. SS have investigated, CQC are looking into it, what more can you do? Can't change the past and you are doing your best to change the future. See the MP, maybe he's had other reports about this 'care' home. Always think though what action do I want this person to take...otherwise it's just a rant and won't achieve.

I hope this helps you somewhat, maybe it won't but perhaps it will spur you on to whatever you need to get through this.