Need some help and advice on what to do next.

Needsomeluck

(I am a long time member under a different name just want to keep this seperate from that).

Quick history: I am married with 2 little ones, been with OH for nearly 7 years, married nearly 2. I am currently retraining as a hairdresser, OH just lost his job. We are packing the house as we are being evicted and will be moving into temporary accomodation before the year end. I have been receiving help with depression over the last year.

My relationship has come to an end but I dont know how to tell OH that, I know that he wont take it well. I still want to be on friendly terms with him so that he can be a dad to his children. He is a stubborn and pig headed person and has in the past made this part difficult with his attitude. We split briefly a few years back. He couldnt deal with being just friends and as a result stopped seeing his daughter as much as he had been.

On the other side of it, we have a alot of things on HP, credit cards and such and they are all in my name because his credit is shocking. How do I go about sorting this stuff out?
As I said he has just lost his job but this is a frequent occurance with him, in the last 4 years he has had a minimum of 2 jobs per year. He cant hold a job.

I feel completely alone and lost and dont know where to turn, my family are not supportive and I dont really have any close friends.

How do I approach this? what do I need to know? Any help is appreciated.

whitewing

Maybe concentrate on the financial side first, as not knowing what to do about that must be adding enormously to the stress. If that feels more in control then you may be able to approach the split better.

He can't hold a job, maybe, but at least he is getting jobs so there is hope perhaps that once the worst is over (the eviction) that things will become more stable for him and you, whether separately or together.

Your children are young so I would say, just get through Christmas first. Or do you need a clean break for the New Year?

My point is that you don't have to do everything at once.

Treat him with respect and dignity, even if he is being a prat, and then it is really his decision about how much he sees the children, if you do split. But give him time to come to terms with what is happening to him and his family.

Tommelise

I dont have any advice to offer regarding how to talk to your husband about splitting up. From what you have written it does seem that he is likely take it badly,.


Regarding the the debt - try posting on the debt free wannabe board.


Your situation must be overwelming and especially this time of year. Sending you some HUGS and good wishes

TBeckett100

Wait for him to get a job then hit him with child Maintenence. Otherwise he'll sit on the dole paying £5 a month for his kids whilst you remain legally liable for the debts

I'm afraid financially you will be in for a rough time. Emotionally too. Have an exit strategy lined up I.e a place to go.

j.e.j.

Try posting your SOA on the debt-free wannabe board if you need advice about how to deal with all the debts you have both run up. If he's not bringing in any money you'll probably be no worse off financially if you do throw him out, - you might even find yourself better off.

VfM4meplse

I feel for you, whatever you do is going to be a tough decision.

Needsomeluck wrote: »

On the other side of it, we have a alot of things on HP, credit cards and such and they are all in my name because his credit is shocking. How do I go about sorting this stuff out?
As I said he has just lost his job but this is a frequent occurance with him, in the last 4 years he has had a minimum of 2 jobs per year. He cant hold a job.

Setting aside the emotion of the situation, is this man a help or financial liability? Is the debt likely to increase with him in your life.

It may be the case that you have to tell him that you have to put the kids first and can't afford to support him too. You can't get less personal than that and it will be a wake-up call for your OH, it registers 10/10 on the scale for making a man feel useless.


In your position I would be knocking on the door if the Salvation Army, but you also have to be prepared to give back when your life is on track.