Pulling my hair out already!!!

Harrysmum_2

Hi all hopin for a bit of advice?
I have a son that will be 6 in november but the thing is his attitude towards me.He speaks to me like i mean nothing and is always shoutin(i put this down to me shoutin).
He very rarely does as hes told we have to ask more than 5 times before he does it.We have tried takin things away and rewards but nothin seems to work.
He can be a very good boy at times which is lovely but i just want him to speak to me in a nicer way and have a bit more respect for me.
Do any of you have any advice on what i could be doin or what i seem to be doin wrong.

Any advice helpful.

Thanks

TheWaltons_3

He may have learnt this behaviour from his peers.

Do you shout at him?

Harrysmum_2

Yeah i do which i understand thats why he shouts back at us but it the why he speaks at other times cause we dont speak to him like it.

TheWaltons_3

Harrysmum wrote: »

Yeah i do which i understand thats why he shouts back at us but it the why he speaks at other times cause we dont speak to him like it.

Well first of all don't beat yourself up about shouting at him, but be conscious that a child who is shouted at, will shout back. When you are angry, you express your frustration with shouting... your son sees this and copies.

Same as if you hit them, they will only hit.

I can honestly say that I very rarely ever shout at my Toddler, she winds me up but she is just so cute and I can only think of two times in almost 2 years that I have really raised my voice.

BUT I have shouted in anger at my son who was screaming all the way for a 2 hour drive and I was ready to bang my head off the Glass. The result? My toddler shouting 'SHUT UP BABY' :eek:

In what way is he speaking to you badly? Perhaps you could try and ignore this rude behaviour - really ignore it.

mirrorimage0

dont really have a great deal of advice but im going through the same thing with my son so you are not alone. (yes theres lots of them out there) i have a 7 (going on 21) and a 5 yr old both boys and they can be the best of boys sometimes but the eldest one can have such an attitude at times and to be honest i believe he gets most of it from school friends, it started going pear shaped when he was about 5 and a half but he was also very bored in school as he is quite a well abled pupil, but there is light at the end of the tunnel he is 7 now (8 in november) and his attitude is really starting to improve and yes we have had the odd shouting match too unfortunatley but what with the house, two kids a dog a job and a partner sometimes i just have to shout (give me the dog anyday) we all know we shouldnt but sometimes it happens so dont beat yourself up over it. x just wanted you to know it does get better just keep up the good work with him and it will be ok in the end he is just seeing how far he can push you and for a child any attention is great wether its good or bad its still attention ( and i know when my youngest started having his own little clubs etc to go to where i had to pay attention to him sometimes more then my eldest didnt like that either and would get grumpy) just a touch of sibling rivalry at times too.

good luck and keep at it.


P.S hi the waltons have just replied to my other topic about max (good news me thinks)

globalds

you are in control of this relationship .The child is six years old .Not only should you behave in way that is an example to this child but you also have to acccept the responsibility that you are teaching this child .and if that means you have to lay down the law and and draw lines ,creat lines that don't get crossed and if they do then their are consequences ..withdrawing priveledges ,computer games ,T.V for half an hour or a bit longer or just plain going home if in the park or even the shops .
The one thing you can't do ..and expect a possitive result ....Is to allow a child to try and control the situation .It is not fair on the child or yourself .
You have made the choice to have this child .And this is part of the responsilbilty .Once you take control you and the child will reallly start to enjoy each and every day .

Savvy_Sue

I just can't hear my children when they don't speak to me properly. No, really, did somebody speak? Nope, I still can't hear anything, and I'm not sure they were talking to me, because that's not the way we talk to each other in this house.

You do have to set a bit of an example here, but the odd shout can be forgiven. I do apologise to mine if I've lost it big time, although I do also say that it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't come home from work and found NOTHING done from the list of jobs left ... (Mine are teenagers, before I'm accused of child neglect.)

HariboJunkie

TheWaltons wrote: »

Well first of all don't beat yourself up about shouting at him, but be conscious that a child who is shouted at, will shout back. When you are angry, you express your frustration with shouting... your son sees this and copies.

Same as if you hit them, they will only hit.

I can honestly say that I very rarely ever shout at my Toddler, she winds me up but she is just so cute and I can only think of two times in almost 2 years that I have really raised my voice.

BUT I have shouted in anger at my son who was screaming all the way for a 2 hour drive and I was ready to bang my head off the Glass. The result? My toddler shouting 'SHUT UP BABY' :eek:







In what way is he speaking to you badly? Perhaps you could try and ignore this rude behaviour - really ignore it.

Ok I'll confess to being a shouty mummy. I wish I wasn't but I do raise my voice to make myself heard. Contrary to your statements.... My children have never shouted at me and although I have smacked them on the rare ocassions that they do something incredibly naughty or dangerous, they have never ever hit me, eachother or another child.
My children know I shout. They also know they are loved and secure and have boundaries which enable them to feel safe.

To the Op....Sorry you're having these problems. Is he interacting well with friends and other adults. Are you a bit cooped up together in the house? A break from your kids, even if it's a 10 minute walk around the block can be a godsend. Otherwise I'd go with the advice to ignore as far as you possibly can.

Harrysmum_2

Thanks all for your comments some every heplful.
He should be startin beevers in november so maybe that will help.
He gets on well with other kids and adults and does well at schl and no probs there.
He use hit out at me a couple of yrs ago which was really upsettin but i think that was just due to frustration and not been able to express himself that has all stopped now but i do get the odd little push which i try to ignore.
Today so far has been good we've walked the dog to our local car boot sale and hes now out playin with friends so fingers crossed it might be a good day.

Thanks again

conradmum

How does your partner speak to you? Is he copying someone else's behaviour?

I like the suggestion of not hearing anything that isn't said respectfully.;)

Kimitatsu

I have an 8 year old and a 10 year old and I have to say that neither of them would dare to spek to me like that.

It isnt easy because they do get so much from their peers and the tv. I am with Savvy Sue, unless he speaks to you properly you cant hear him. I still do that now!!

And him hitting you is a complete no out of the question sit on the stairs time out penalty. At the moment he is only 5, what happens if he "pushes you around" at 18? Both of my boys will be taller than me, the eldest one does not have far to go now, but they wouldn't even entertain the idea of physically attacking me.

It may be that he is frustrated but you have to set the boundaries and stick to them, he steps over that boundary then he has a consequence to his action. In our house that still applies today, I had a stroppy 10 year old that really didnt believe I would cancel his residential trip with school if he didnt have an attitude adjustment. I felt awful doing it but that was the boundary and he chose to cross it, so the consequence was he lost the reward.

Equally you have to reward good behaviour, we still have a family day out every week, and they get to chose what we all do. This week it is Simpsons the movie (personally I cant stand them but hey its their choice!) other weeks it can be as simple as a walk in the woods dependant on how the finances are.

Set the rules as a family and stick to them, its not easy but no-one tells you this bit when you are pregnant!:rotfl: