Getting over divorce

w00dy_2

Wonder if any of you could give me some advice.

I have now been separated from my ex-Wife for 21 months, and been divorced for 4 months (after 8 years together) but I just cannot seem to shake off the blues. I have kind of withdrawn from all activities (apart from work) don't really see any of my mates (because they are all married with kids....and because I am so depressing to be around ) and just can't seem to shift the bad mood.

I recently bought a flat to live in (after leaving the marital home) which I have done up and is now finished, which took my mind off things a bit, but now it is finished I feel as bad as I did some time ago.

Is this normal to still feel like death warmed up after a year and a half? Everyone keeps telling me to "buck my ideas up" and "move on", but I just can't seem to do it. All the time I am getting more and more isolated though.

Could any of you kind people offer any suggestions? Surely the bad feelings should have passed off by now?

Thanks v much

wendym

As a rule of thumb, life-changing events need two years recovery. Counsellors recommend postponing any avoidable major decisions in that time. So the worst is well behind you now.

I recommend going easy on yourself, watching only TV that cheers you up/makes you laugh (treat yourself to a couple of DVDs?), eat as well as you can manage, with a vitamin supplement, and if possible have something to look forward to in the nearish future.

And keep posting here - they're a really good crowd.

NAR

Woody, the good news is that you are going through the norm! I've been there and got the T-shirt. Good friends of mine at work included me in nights out, which really helped to rebuild my confidence which quite frankly had been badly battered. You must try and rebuild your social life and start being positive again. There is a future for you I'm certain; if I did it then so can you! Good luck.

Errata

Hiya, sorry you're feeling a bit rubbish. Doing the flat up took your mind off things a bit? Is there another project you could throw yourself into? New sport, hobby, interest, education? It sounds like you need to find something to plan for and look foward to.
Give yourself time, it takes as long as it takes, but if you feel a bit 'stuck' this site might give some ideas http://www.livinglifetothefull.com/elearning/index.php
If your low mood is bothering you, a quiet chat with your doc might be helpful, as will making sure you eat healthily and exercise.
Best wishes and hope this helps.

Becles

I went through the same *hugs* It will pass and I promise you there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I'd lost all confidence and decided I needed to do something completely mental that I wouldn't normally do. The day I did it would be the day I started living for the future.

So I jumped out of a plane at 10,000 feet and raised nearly £500 for the British Red Cross doing it!

If you can face a challenge like that, then it's a doddle dealing with daily life

Is there anything mad that you've always wanted to do, that you could use as a similar starting block?