Silly student debt diary

Puzzledbyadream

Subscribing! You're doing really well and it's so interesting to see how somebody else budgets and cuts down. Might start counting my NSDs and will definitely try money dashboard. Think I'll have the same issue as you with YNAB as I will be in my overdraft before the end of next month.

greensalad

Thanks! I really feel like I'm getting somewhere. March should be quiet too, I think we might go away in April but only to Windsor up the road. Keeping my budget down and planning large expenses in advance. The only scary thing now is my tax bill!

£25.20 on OnePoll. Getting there slowly towards that £40 cash-out. I was on £16.65 on 19th December so it looks like about a tenner a month or slightly less. Pretty pleased with that

Got £28 which will unlock in PayPal on Wednesday. Got three listings going at the moment due to end soon I reckon I will make another £30 from those.

Still have £8 on Amazon and another £10 should arrive within the next few months. That will help with household bits.

greensalad

So my Dad just came over for the evening. It's a bit of a shock actually. To put a long story short we have not had a good relationship over the last few years, to the point that only last summer I decided I was "done" with him. But somehow Christmas, and now my birthday coming up and he's turned himself around a bit. He texts me, he talks to me, he wants to come and visit. He didn't speak to me for about 5 years, he never once visited my uni town despite being close-by, I felt completely shut out but he seems to have turned a corner.

I ranted in here before Christmas about him mentioning he wanted to buy a few properties, and how angry it made me feel that people have money to throw around like that. I really didn't like him at that point. But he has been trying (and so have I).

The discussion of property came up again, and we talked about mortgages and such and how me and BF desperately want to start saving but the issues we are having (our area is going up in price faster than we can save, and we will be priced out soon enough). My Dad suggested something that I've always secretly dreamed but never dared to ask, about the idea of helping us out with a mortgage. Specifically, buying a share in a property with us. Essentially reducing the amount we need to save for a deposit significantly and making us co-owners in a house. He said it worked for him as it allowed him to enjoy the capital growth on his share of a property and it worked for us as it allowed us to have a stake in a property and see our money grow but without needing to save up a ridiculous deposit.

I'm a bit stumped. I feel like I don't want the "help from Daddy" card. It makes me feel like I'm not working properly for it or not appreciating it. But then is it so bad to make a financially sensible decision like that? Have I learnt my lesson? The debt has made me realise that I need to be accountable for my money and make steps towards my future, and wouldn't this be a sensible step?

Then he said something else which has thrown me completely. I explained to him my plan to clear my debt, then generate an emergency fund, and then finally start saving. I said my date to start deposit saving was January 2017 and that I was looking forward to it, but concerned that we would be priced out of the location by the time we had enough deposit.

He offered to pay off my debt. I'm floored. I even explained to him that part of it was my own foolishness that I spent it on silly things. I wanted to be honest with him. He said it was fine, and that he made the same mistake at my age, but he appreciated that I'd learnt my lesson so to speak and was working towards it, and that's why he'd offered the money. Because it makes sense for him to help me.

I'm floored, the amount he would give me would be £3500. He said I can have it by next week. All I need to do is send him my details. Arghhh.

I'm so thrown and torn with what to do. I don't want to take it because I feel like it's MY problem and I need to sort it out. But it makes so much financial sense and anyone here would be jumping at the chance to be given this amount. I've dreamed about winning a scratch card and clearing my debt, what's so different about this?

I need advice. If I took it, I'd clear everything almost instantly. I would put the extra money I have into my emergency fund, and grow it to £1k. I'd then start my deposit with my partner and get enough to achieve the leftover deposit from the 50% split my Dad would provide.

AleMrsT

Hi Greensalad.

I can see why you're apprehensive, I totally get it, you are an adult, you want to fend for yourself and prove you can do it, and you don't want to take the money from your dad as it kind of feels a bit like he's 'buying you back' into his life.

I get it.

But, think about it this way, get rid of the emotional side of it; imagine that what he is proposing is a business plan (it is - kind of), you both have things to bring to the table, him finance, you, property upkeep and ensuring that the house is well looked after, with a vested interest in making sure the property stays in tip top condition to keep it profitable/a worthwhile investment.

Him offering to pay off your debts is fantastic, it means he'll get his property deal sooner (you=get your own house sooner) and he has a happy daughter (i'm assuming you're female, sorry if I'm wrong!)
Perhaps talk it over with your partner, see what he says about it all, and definitely sleep on it before making a decision.

But, its fantastic news, its good to hear that he wants to be back in your life again, and this sounds like a good way for him to be able to be part of it properly.

patanne

Just delurking to play devil's advocate for a moment as you shouldn't go in with your eyes closed in view of your history with him.

Make sure you have a solicitor check out anything he wants you to sign and also you need to come to an agreement about exactly what happens if you need to move house. And even what happens if something happens to one of you.

There is nothing like money to make family & friends relationships interesting!

greensalad

patanne wrote: »

Just delurking to play devil's advocate for a moment as you shouldn't go in with your eyes closed in view of your history with him.

Make sure you have a solicitor check out anything he wants you to sign and also you need to come to an agreement about exactly what happens if you need to move house. And even what happens if something happens to one of you.

There is nothing like money to make family & friends relationships interesting!

Yes this was a concern of mine too. It's a difficult one. The thing that caused our last argument was indeed stemmed in money. He had agreed to help me at university for my final 6 months so I could focus (without needing to work my part-time shop job) and one day, the money he promised simply didn't arrive. It was 2 days before rent was due and I didn't have enough to pay it. I contacted him and he explained it was a clerical error as he had just done something with his banking (the old excuse) and needed to set it back up.

Any normal person who had an agreement with someone would sort something like that out in a few days, at most. I could scrape by. But he didn't sort it out, even after I begged and begged and explained I had no money to pay rent, buy food etc.

In the end, the next month was paid OK but that missing month was STILL missing and my Grandparents offered me the money so I could add it to my missed rent. My Dad just never got round to paying the missing payment. In fact, he eventually paid it in August (the missing month was March).

The argument that started was that he felt all I wanted was his money. Actually, all I wanted was his respect to not go back on a deal. I didn't care about the value I cared that he had thought it OK to leave me out in the cold and break our agreement.

He eventually paid it and we didn't much speak from August to Christmas. Oh yes, he had also forgotten my birthday earlier that year (January!) I'm his only child and he had completely forgotten my birthday existed. He was there, how can you forget something like your child's birthday? I didn't send him a card in August and was at the point I was happy to just not talk to him ever again after he disrespected me. I wrote him a letter, a very angry and stern one. Nobody had ever spoken to him like that before I don't think, my Mum and Grandparents always tip-toed around him but finally I figured I had nothing to lose anyway so I wrote how much his disrespect had hurt me and how it simply was not on.

We didn't speak much for months until Christmas came around and he wanted to come and visit. I hadn't seen him at this point for 2 years, and he lives about 40 mins away. He came round to visit our flat and we had a great evening. He even bought me a Christmas present. We had drinks and listened to music and it was all good.

I kinda feel like maybe he realised what he had done when I wrote him that stern letter. For the first time in his life someone (and even moreso his daughter) had stood up to him and told him plainly what a !!!!!! he was. I think maybe it had taken him time to think about it and that's when Christmas came around.

Ultimately I'm still on the fence. BF is excited and very keen to progress but we still need to save the deposit for our half if we did do this, so this is still a year or so off. I think we will just have to take my Dads advice but consult with a solicitor of our own anyway. He might not like that but hey at least I can say he taught me well enough to always get a professional to read my contracts! He can't get upset about it if he would do the same!

anothermoneysaver522

Wow, that's an amazing offer. There is nothing worse than being in debt, and it would be brilliant to have your debts cleared, and it would be a weight off your shoulders too. If I got an offer of my debt being paid off I'd jump at the chance! xx

Puzzledbyadream

I understand you wanting to refuse on principle, but I think this is probably something you should take. From what I know of your dad he hasn't exactly being Father of the century so maybe you should see this as sort of being payment for that? You're right, most of us would dream of such a situation! My mum told me on facebook the other day that if I wanted money I had to work for it because that's what she had to do, totally different situations.

greensalad

Puzzledbyadream wrote: »

I understand you wanting to refuse on principle, but I think this is probably something you should take. From what I know of your dad he hasn't exactly being Father of the century so maybe you should see this as sort of being payment for that? You're right, most of us would dream of such a situation! My mum told me on facebook the other day that if I wanted money I had to work for it because that's what she had to do, totally different situations.

Yeah, I kinda feel like I should have to work for it but I am not a fan of the "I had a hard life so you have to have one too". I understand the sentiment that you can't just give things away to your children as they'll never learn. But if they HAVE learnt, then maybe it's OK. I mean it's not like I've had an easy time of it. I never moved back home after uni and have been living self-sufficiently since July when I graduated and thought that was how it was going to be for the rest of my life. My BF said this was the last "bail out" so to speak. After this I am truly on my own, but that's just fine with me. In fact I prefer it.

I also think that if it allows me to get a house of my own sooner then I really can't turn it down. I've worked out I need to save about £6000 to contribute towards a deposit (with BF putting in similar) if we were going to go for this 50% thing. I could probably do that in 18 months if I didn't have debts.

Puzzledbyadream

greensalad wrote: »

Yeah, I kinda feel like I should have to work for it but I am not a fan of the "I had a hard life so you have to have one too". I understand the sentiment that you can't just give things away to your children as they'll never learn. But if they HAVE learnt, then maybe it's OK. I mean it's not like I've had an easy time of it. I never moved back home after uni and have been living self-sufficiently since July when I graduated and thought that was how it was going to be for the rest of my life. My BF said this was the last "bail out" so to speak. After this I am truly on my own, but that's just fine with me. In fact I prefer it.

I also think that if it allows me to get a house of my own sooner then I really can't turn it down. I've worked out I need to save about £6000 to contribute towards a deposit (with BF putting in similar) if we were going to go for this 50% thing. I could probably do that in 18 months if I didn't have debts.

Yeah please don't think I was saying you should listen to my mum! If it gets you to a more comfortable financial situation after the debt scare you've had then I don't think you can turn it down. I think you've been very lucky, but you've also had a hard time of it. Go for it.