NOT BUYING IT! 2015 - A consumer holiday

CAFCGirl

Effyb4 wrote: »

I have been seriously thinking about using our garden to produce fruit and vegetables for us to eat. I have tried this in the past, but not very successfully. I hope in the new year to have another go at this. I have been thinking about buying some books to help me with this, but when perusing my bookcase today I saw a book about growing veg, so I don't need to go shopping after all.

I do think I am going to need some support though, as neither I nor OH are very green fingered.

Effy - im right with you there. I tried my hand last year and did relatively well but grew a fair few things that we dont eat - they were easy and I got seeds for free, but I want to be more aware and structured with it this year.
Annoying our flower bed that runs down side of garden path is in shade so quite hard to use that.
I do have a large trough planter thats over 6 ft long x 2 ft wide that I'd like to work on and regain control over as opposed to it being a giant litter box for the cat community :mad:

purpleshoes wrote: »

I said on the thread earlier that what I remembered about being a kid was getting a stocking with apples, oranges, choc coins, to be honest, if someone wrapped something up and gave it to me, it wouldnt matter if it cost 50p

Presents are just presents, its the sentiment behind the present that matters.

Yes I feel like I definitely could have done this with DS and he wouldnt bat an eyelid, but its me, somehow Ive convinced myself that I cant do that - or more the world im living in would have me believe I cant.... well no more! I'm taking back Christmas and my life, I've been paying 'the man' to look after it for long enough, and it hasn't served me well at all! So now its my turn :T

YORKSHIRELASS

CAFCGirl wrote: »

It is just so hard in this world...... or is it? Is my belief that its hard/challenging/difficult/seemingly impossible how I've been conditioned? To just accept that this is how the world is, and fighting it is too big an ask?:(

I think as a parent nowadays this is an incredibly difficult challenge. I grew up in a family where money was tight. Sadly that didnt make me sensible and appreciate the value of money when I was older it just made me desperate to spend spend spend once I was old enough to get a credit card.

Your have a golden opportunity with a 4 year old to teach him about the value of money and how having stuff isnt really important. Once they get older its just too late. My boys understand the value of money but the pull of advertising and the need to have the same things as their friends is very strong, especially with my 14 year old.

However, seeing my boy today happy in his new thermals, woolly socks and slippers that were all needed and were part of his Christmas present has really pleased me. He did get some more frivolous presents too but there is a balance to be struck and I have to remember to lead by example (which I dont always find easy).

I admire your attitude and you make some thoughtful comments. We can negotiate this together I am sure!

My immediate challenge is avoiding those online sales - just because its cheap doesnt mean I need it or can afford it!!!

thriftwizard

One of my favourite Christmas presents this year is a fabulous teal-green sparkly top - lots of sequins, flattering shape, fits like a glove & well-made - that I'm thrilled with; it goes really well with some other items I own for dancing, which is my favoured form of exercise. And I'm very happy to tell you all that DD1 found it in a charity shop - I'm so proud of her!

And DS1 surprised us all with some fabulous handmade perfumes; he's been fascinated with scents as long as I can remember, and now he finally has some time to indulge his hobbies as things are (currently - touch wood) going well for him professionally, he's turned it to good account.

CAFCgirl, I had my kids & did most of their bringing-up on autopilot, before it became blatantly obvious which way we were being herded. But despite all the conditioning, it seems they're turning out OK anyway. I'm sure yours will be getting an excellent example of how to step outside the Matrix when he wants to, and your time is indeed the most precious gift you can give him, so don't worry too much.

GreyQueen

CAFCgirl, I was very moved by your post and your thoughts on the kind of upbringing you want to give your son. It's a powerful force for change to even have these thoughts, as so many of us roll unthinkingly along the tracks laid out for us. More power to your elbow.

I feel privileged that I didn't have a privileged upbringing, IYKWIM. There wasn't hunger or more than moderate discomfort, but there was the absolute sense of security, the feeling that me and my brother were the absolute centre of our parents' world and that no harm would come to us.

Yes, we had our brattish moments, and there were many an exasperated parental we can't afford its. But it does kids no harm to understand that the family's resources aren't unlimited. I still get shocked when I hear parents express the opinion that you show love to your children by giving expensive gifts, that modest gifts or no gifts are unloving. That even if you have to borrow the money and pay it back all year, that it's the loving thing to indebt yourself over giving children's presents and outings.

In my job, at this time of year, I hear parents justifying to me and mine, as employees of their landlord, why they haven't paid the rent in December and January. Because they've got kids and because it's Christmas. This warped sense of priorities scares the stuffing out of me, frankly, I'm scared for their children being at risk of homelessness due to rent arrears.:(

I will be charity-shopping for next year's presents throughout 2015, tucking away the things which will bring happiness to my family and friends, and looking forward to the same in return.

It's not about the cash value, it's about someone taking the time to think about what you would like, and to cater to that, rather than impose their views of what they think you should be wanting. It's the time and the forethought which warm me as much as the gift.

CAFCGirl

YORKSHIRELASS wrote: »

I think as a parent nowadays this is an incredibly difficult challenge. I grew up in a family where money was tight. Sadly that didnt make me sensible and appreciate the value of money when I was older it just made me desperate to spend spend spend once I was old enough to get a credit card.

Your have a golden opportunity with a 4 year old to teach him about the value of money and how having stuff isnt really important. Once they get older its just too late. My boys understand the value of money but the pull of advertising and the need to have the same things as their friends is very strong, especially with my 14 year old.

Sounds like a similar upbringing and subsequent result to myself. I fear my son feeling as I did as a child/teenager, suffering bullying because I didnt have the same amounts of money as my friends, or the clothes etc that they did..... It led me to being a money naughty young adult which I am still paying the price for over a decade later.
I dont want him to end up repeating the cycle but I also dont want him to end up feeling 'entitled' to money because we have it (well im hoping we will one day LOL)..... I guess I just dont really want it to factor in his life very much in either negative manner (not having it/having it but abusing it)

You are spot on though, hes 4 - what a perfect time to alter the path! It was hammered home after spending time with my nieces and nephew at IL's boxing day buffet. Their parents had spent £600 in 24 minutes at the sales on 3 items for the kids, and the whole day was spent with one child badgering my BIL as to whether their new ipad was at collection point yet, and counting down the hours to the supposed 4pm collection time. All day that's all we heard from her. Even I was getting annoyed with it! :eek:

I don't want my son becoming what I saw today......

Chrisblue1962

GreyQueen: Did you manage to get your nice Christmas walk that you talked about in an earlier post?

Myself and OH have both been confined to bed with flu, coughs and basically quite ill. OH, prior to getting flu / cough (from me ), was laid up for three weeks with sciatica .

We are both looking forward to a healthier New Year!! :rotfl:

7_week_wonder

117pauline wrote: »

I've also been musing on the reason why we feel we need to "reward" ourselves or others and that usually involves buying things. I am making myself a list of non-buying rewards to motivate myself toward! So it is mindfulness in all things!

I definitely need to work on this at the moment. We've been travelling up and down the road to my mum's a lot over the last few months and haven't had much time to ourselves. The temptation is always to treat ourselves "because we're worth it", so non-buying treats is something that would be good for us.

CAFgirl, I don't have children, but your post was very thought-provoking. Along with lots of the folk here I agree that something has gone wrong with society and the balance in our lives. I'm not sure I've got any answers but I will be reading along with interest hoping for inspiration from the wise people aboard the ship.

miss_emmajane

It is such an interesting topic, I was brought up frugally by my parents, I didn't go without and was very secure and loved but definitely wasn't well off or going on abroad holidays like my friends. However aged 18-23ish I was awful with money, spent my savings and got into debt, it all changed when I was looking to move out with my OH at 24 and I found these forums, it was like I was reincarnated as my Mother from all those years past! I now pride myself on the fact I am sensible with money, can do a lot with what I have and 95% of my clothes are from carbooty or charity shops (and I always get told I have lovely things and am lucky!! How ironic that most were a couple of pounds).

Maybe the frivolous stage is normal but glad it was just a stage or phase, seems for a lot of people that isn't the case.

DawnW

miss_emmajane wrote: »

95% of my clothes are from carbooty or charity shops (and I always get told I have lovely things and am lucky!! How ironic that most were a couple of pounds).

You are probably really good at putting things together, and caring for them so that they always look lovely These are skills that cannot be bought, however much is spent.

emslovesmickey

117pauline that sounds like a great idea - what if we all contributed to a list of non-buying treat ideas? I've thought of a few myself but I'd love to hear what kinds of things you do.

I couldn't believe some of the stuff I've read on here today about parents going into debt and risking homelessness so their kids get expensive presents. With any luck we can buck the trend, and maybe start a new little non-buying revolution of our own!

I'm going to try my best to make presents next year. I made birthday presents this year but,as I went to Florida in November, I bought christmas presents there. I've got a good idea for christmas and, while I will need to buy a few supplies, I'm going to keep costs down to a minimum with any luck.