NST December Challenge - Festive and Frugal

apple_muncher

Today I am grateful for a lovely walk and chat with dd and her friend, for surprise Christmas cards, for dh, for plots and plans for January, for lemon curd.

mothernerd

I am claiming my 15th NSD but may need to adjust it tomorrow - got a craving for chocolate coated raisins and mentioned it to DS2 when he returned my phone call. He is coming later and probably won't expect me to pay him back, but little Arseda is due to close in half an hour (may have extended hours). He told me to write a list - does he think I have changed sex.

I have been pondering the boys/men issue and here are my musings:-
1) Feminism (which is a good thing) enabled big changes to women's working lives, more women in f-t paid employment etc but there was no corresponding division of unpaid domestic labour.

2) 'Traditional' division of men's/ women's jobs ie men doing diy/ putting bins out/ mending the car. The jobs in the male list were all occasional, they were expected to be admired (new shelves wow - ever had a woman show off her newly cleaned toilet other than on a stupid advert) and they were optional - no shame in paying someone else to do it. Apart from ironing services and the increase in takeaways or in the upper income bracket, a woman working f-t is still expected to do everything herself (and it's largely invisible and has to be repeated ad nauseum).

3) The 'pampered Prince' - certainly this was true for my generation. I've only been married once and the experience was so horrible that I would never share my space with a partner again. My ex's mother gave him a totally unrealistic view of his own importance. Similarly my own mother thought that my brother (who never married) was 'a catch' and never understood why his relationships ended. She still sees nealy every man who crosses her threshold is 'a nice lad' and never understands what 'is wrong with the women' who divorce these paragons. She also expects that when she dies, I will 'look after' my younger brother and her lodger (both men in their 50s).

4) You already know my views on sport, but I think the 'Games culture' also encourages men to stay little boys forever, the toys just get bigger and more expensive (televisions, multiple consoles, huge games collections).

5) In some ways it's a universal problem - Oxfam frequently directs financial support to women. When they gave money to men they spent it on beer and gambling, when it's given to women they feed their children and then make sure they get to school. Here women will do almost any job to feed and clothe their children, men are much more 'picky'. The majority of the workforce is female because they will put up with a lot more and employers exploit this.

6) Many men see their wages as an extension of pocket money. It's legitimate to spend their money on clothes, beer, games, dvds, music etc - let someone else deal with the boring bits like gas, electric, rent and feeding and clothing their children. (Men also see children as possessions not responsibilities).

I'm not anti men - they can be fun to have around. But women are the most frequent instigators of divorce and the 'nice lads' my mother admires are sometimes laid back to the point of being comatose, quite content to come home from their modest day's labour and slump in front of the box drinking/ smoking whilst their former spouses, once the shock of childbirth is over, strive for something better, go for education and training opportunities, often alongside all the other demands on their time.

I've tried to bring my sons up differently (although being an equal opportunities household, they are prepared to let the princess rescue them). Some success with the eldest two who can both clean - although DS2 tends to do the 'landlord's coming round to inspect, do it all in 12 hours' version. However even at 29 and 27 they have only just got permanent f-t employment (may be the area we live in).

DS3 has always been different. He could fall into a daze several times whilst getting dressed in the morning, never knew where his shoes were, nearly cried at the age of 11 because they no longer did velcro shoes in his size, was prepared to let all his toys go to Oxfam rather than tidy them up (his friends used to do it for him). I put just as much effort, if not more, into raising him.

He openly admits to being lazy and is resistant to change - several well-meaning people disregarded my pleas and 'had a word with him' - the more they go on, the less likely he is to do something. He was terrified that I would throw him out at 18. He chose to stay home and commute to a local university (which suited me financially). He rarely spends money he hasn't got (the other 2 owe me money from their time at university or other difficult times) but his ambition is limited to earning enough to pay for his next takeaway.

He is very involved with his games making and has taught himself many of the skills required. He wants to live with his gf but I can't see them being able to afford it - she has a mimimum wage job (at least she is finally getting enough hours). I have tried to emphasize that he would be stopping her achieving her potential if he continues to be 'high maintenance'. I've also pushed the line that it is possible to live well on two modest incomes if he learns and adopts other life skills (cooking/diy etc). He's still a work in progress.

Other news. The reduction in toilet paper use is going well. I have written down all the SOA headings that apply to me and will go through looking at ways to reduce expenditure/ continue not spending. Want to continue de-cluttering in 2015 (could try for another boy) but also want more 'mindful giving' - finding the right people to donate my humble belongings to.

I have some lovely flowers to look at - a gift from the grandmother of the Christmas stocking recipient.

Today I am grateful for flowers, tuna and the lovely Rik Mayall (watched the tribute last night).

traveller

mothernerd wrote: »

I am claiming my 15th NSD but may need to adjust it tomorrow - got a craving for chocolate coated raisins and mentioned it to DS2 when he returned my phone call. He is coming later and probably won't expect me to pay him back, but little Arseda is due to close in half an hour (may have extended hours). He told me to write a list - does he think I have changed sex.

I have been pondering the boys/men issue and here are my musings:-
1) Feminism (which is a good thing) enabled big changes to women's working lives, more women in f-t paid employment etc but there was no corresponding division of unpaid domestic labour.

2) 'Traditional' division of men's/ women's jobs ie men doing diy/ putting bins out/ mending the car. The jobs in the male list were all occasional, they were expected to be admired (new shelves wow - ever had a woman show off her newly cleaned toilet other than on a stupid advert) and they were optional - no shame in paying someone else to do it. Apart from ironing services and the increase in takeaways or in the upper income bracket, a woman working f-t is still expected to do everything herself (and it's largely invisible and has to be repeated ad nauseum).

3) The 'pampered Prince' - certainly this was true for my generation. I've only been married once and the experience was so horrible that I would never share my space with a partner again. My ex's mother gave him a totally unrealistic view of his own importance. Similarly my own mother thought that my brother (who never married) was 'a catch' and never understood why his relationships ended. She still sees nealy every man who crosses her threshold is 'a nice lad' and never understands what 'is wrong with the women' who divorce these paragons. She also expects that when she dies, I will 'look after' my younger brother and her lodger (both men in their 50s).

4) You already know my views on sport, but I think the 'Games culture' also encourages men to stay little boys forever, the toys just get bigger and more expensive (televisions, multiple consoles, huge games collections).

5) In some ways it's a universal problem - Oxfam frequently directs financial support to women. When they gave money to men they spent it on beer and gambling, when it's given to women they feed their children and then make sure they get to school. Here women will do almost any job to feed and clothe their children, men are much more 'picky'. The majority of the workforce is female because they will put up with a lot more and employers exploit this.

6) Many men see their wages as an extension of pocket money. It's legitimate to spend their money on clothes, beer, games, dvds, music etc - let someone else deal with the boring bits like gas, electric, rent and feeding and clothing their children. (Men also see children as possessions not responsibilities).

I'm not anti men - they can be fun to have around. But women are the most frequent instigators of divorce and the 'nice lads' my mother admires are sometimes laid back to the point of being comatose, quite content to come home from their modest day's labour and slump in front of the box drinking/ smoking whilst their former spouses, once the shock of childbirth is over, strive for something better, go for education and training opportunities, often alongside all the other demands on their time.

I've tried to bring my sons up differently (although being an equal opportunities household, they are prepared to let the princess rescue them). Some success with the eldest two who can both clean - although DS2 tends to do the 'landlord's coming round to inspect, do it all in 12 hours' version. However even at 29 and 27 they have only just got permanent f-t employment (may be the area we live in).

DS3 has always been different. He could fall into a daze several times whilst getting dressed in the morning, never knew where his shoes were, nearly cried at the age of 11 because they no longer did velcro shoes in his size, was prepared to let all his toys go to Oxfam rather than tidy them up (his friends used to do it for him). I put just as much effort, if not more, into raising him.

He openly admits to being lazy and is resistant to change - several well-meaning people disregarded my pleas and 'had a word with him' - the more they go on, the less likely he is to do something. He was terrified that I would throw him out at 18. He chose to stay home and commute to a local university (which suited me financially). He rarely spends money he hasn't got (the other 2 owe me money from their time at university or other difficult times) but his ambition is limited to earning enough to pay for his next takeaway.

He is very involved with his games making and has taught himself many of the skills required. He wants to live with his gf but I can't see them being able to afford it - she has a mimimum wage job (at least she is finally getting enough hours). I have tried to emphasize that he would be stopping her achieving her potential if he continues to be 'high maintenance'. I've also pushed the line that it is possible to live well on two modest incomes if he learns and adopts other life skills (cooking/diy etc). He's still a work in progress.

Other news. The reduction in toilet paper use is going well. I have written down all the SOA headings that apply to me and will go through looking at ways to reduce expenditure/ continue not spending. Want to continue de-cluttering in 2015 (could try for another boy) but also want more 'mindful giving' - finding the right people to donate my humble belongings to.

I have some lovely flowers to look at - a gift from the grandmother of the Christmas stocking recipient.

Today I am grateful for flowers, tuna and the lovely Rik Mayall (watched the tribute last night).

You've hit the nail on the head with many of your points :T

Fmess

Mothernerd you are so right, well put!

liltdiddylilt

Yes mothernerd - fine points indeed.

Well - I have done the scores on the doors on YNAB. My 'assets' have increased exponentially throughout this year - YNAB and the threads on here have helped me put more and more money to good use rather than wasting it as I used to.

I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart and wish you a merry christmas and happy new year. May all your dreams come true!! xx

speakingofart

SFD yesterday, and presumably today and tomorrow, as my plans are limited to going to the pub tonight - my friendship group ensure the driver doesn't buy drinks, so since I have to drive anyway, should be SF!

Groceries £35/£150 15th december till 15th January
SFDs: 7/15
Petrol £34/ 60 15th December till 15th January
Lunch to work: 15/15

Merry christmas to all turtles - I look forward to 2015's challenges! Thank you all for your support, kind wishes and help over the year... have a great day tomorrow!

maria3104

Hi

Happy Christmas to everyone. Hope to see you on the 2015 threads.

I anticipate having another NSD today and continuing now up to 31st, So I will have had the most frugal Christmas since I was about 8! Could not have done it without you all.


Thank you and Happy Christmas to you all.

traveller

Morning all. Well my plans today are as much food prep as possible while me and the little fella watch some Christmas specials on netflix, then at some point today pop round to my mum's and neighbour to give them their presents.

Have a great Christmas everyone and thanks for your friendship and support! Take care :-)

Fmess

Morning all


Unfortunately, lilt was right yesterday and I did overdo it and now I'm aching all over and feel like I'm coming down with something


However, just been paid so transferred money to all the relevant places and paid towards the debt. Just need to wait for a balance transfer to a new 0% credit card to go through and I can make a few more adjustments. Up to 46.2% debt free now, so missed my target by 3.8%, which isn't too bad


Hope you all have a lovely Christmas tomorrow, I dare say I'll be reading up at some point once I've ate too much to be able to move off the sofa

sazzlebgood

was at the sainsbob's at 7 this morning to get DD1 oranges with leaves( always on her christmas list along with bluetak) as when OH went last night they didn't have any and he bourght normal ones instead.So all shopping and wrapping is done. Looking forward to taking FIL OH and DD2 up to wakey this pm to see great granma and have fish and chips for lunch. Not had many nsd but can claim one for tomorrow at least.Christmas 2015 money saving started currently £21.Going to track santa:santa2: on the computer later.:xmassign:everyone