If It's Not One Thing It's Your Mother

margaretclare

Hi L-Jay

I wish I could get through to all these older women who're stressing about leaving their house etc etc to save it from.... I wish I could tell them that life is not yet finished, especially not in your 60s, you're only a spring chicken then! When life suddenly gives you another chance, you need the courage to stretch out your hand and grasp that chance before it floats away.

I had several 'friends', women who went to the same church, back in 1997, and what a load of Job's comforters they were. 'Oh, I wouldn't want another man in my home, in my bed, why can't you be content to be a widow and live on your memories?' Or: 'He's left 2 women before, he'll leave you'. The fact that there were darned good reasons why he left them, and he's still here 10 years later, has escaped most of them.

Having said all that, I'm a great believer in putting all your affairs in order, wills etc. But if I'd given this house away 10 years ago, it wouldn't have worked. From being in my name only the title to the property is now in both our names - I did that after our wedding in 2002.

As localhero says, 1 in 4 women end up in long-term care - but that's a minority! It means that 75% of women continue living in their own homes, even if they need help coming in to enable them to do so.

Margaret

L-Jay

margaretclare wrote: »

Hi L-Jay

I wish I could get through to all these older women who're stressing about leaving their house etc etc to save it from.... I wish I could tell them that life is not yet finished, especially not in your 60s, you're only a spring chicken then! When life suddenly gives you another chance, you need the courage to stretch out your hand and grasp that chance before it floats away.

I had several 'friends', women who went to the same church, back in 1997, and what a load of Job's comforters they were. 'Oh, I wouldn't want another man in my home, in my bed, why can't you be content to be a widow and live on your memories?' Or: 'He's left 2 women before, he'll leave you'. The fact that there were darned good reasons why he left them, and he's still here 10 years later, has escaped most of them.

Having said all that, I'm a great believer in putting all your affairs in order, wills etc. But if I'd given this house away 10 years ago, it wouldn't have worked. From being in my name only the title to the property is now in both our names - I did that after our wedding in 2002.

As localhero says, 1 in 4 women end up in long-term care - but that's a minority! It means that 75% of women continue living in their own homes, even if they need help coming in to enable them to do so.

Margaret

You're an inspiration Margaret - good on you.

Errata

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Look on the Silver Savers board, there's a few threads about this kind of thing over there. Tell her to listen to MargaretClare who points out that very few people end up needing care in care homes, and when they do it's not usually for that long, so really there's no point worrying about it!

Good point. And even fewer will need to live in a care home as the direction of travel is the provision of extra support accommodation - self contained flats with residents loung/dining room - which are staffed by qualified staff 24/7. People who live in them are tenants and pay rent, but most of that would be covered by renting out their old property or income from the sale. It's a much better outcome for all concerned. As Sue writes, people don't live long once they've moved into a care home.

ness_w

Many people rent out their homes when they enter care homes, it helps to pay the fees and means they do not have to sell.

Ness.

margaretclare

Hi

Just another thought: before your mother starts to take equity out of her house she should consider paying off the existing mortgage. Or, she could do what we did in 2003 - release some of the equity in order to pay off the mortgage and free up the money that is going every month to the mortgage. Although she may be a little young to do it at present, but it could be worth bearing in mind.

We had to be 68 before we could do it, or one of us had, but we released 25% of the 2003 value of £140K and paid off the mortgage. This immediately gave us another £260 or so a month to do what we liked with. We've almost finished all the jobs that needed doing to modernise and update this 1930s bungalow, plans that were started by my first husband when we moved here in 1990. This summer's project is to replace some fence panels on the side that we're responsible for, and also to build a brick wall between us and next door, H 6' x L 10', then we can paint it white and grow things up it. My late husband had this in mind before he died in 1992, then my son-in-law built a fence for me, which is now showing its age.

We should have been on holiday at Niagara at this moment, only I'm recovering from a fractured pelvis. And goodness only knows what I'd have done in the last few weeks if DH hadn't been around to do everything - cook, help me in and out of the shower, drive, you name it. I couldn't have relied on a daughter's help because my surviving daughter is 250 miles away. I don't take him for granted, I appreciate everything he does, mainly just the fact that he's here. So, yah boo sucks to all those miserable nay-sayers I told you about. And if I hadn't had the courage to invite him to move in with me back in 1997, none of it would have been possible.

Margaret