Husband left using 'post it' aged 70!!!

Pollycat

mgdavid wrote: »

unusually judgemental there duchy! Don't forget women can be abusive and bullying too - he may have simply been escaping just in time with his sanity and life intact...

I seem to recall that I've read a few of Margaretclare's posts about the circumstances and, although her post on this thread sounds pretty callous, I think there was a lot more to it than her post suggests.

Seth0571
I suggest you do some research on what your MIL is likely to get in benefits.
This link has a couple of benefit calculators that will give you a good idea:
https://www.gov.uk/benefits-calculators

Do this and go armed with it to CAB.
Make sure someone goes with your MIL (if possible) and take notes.
Make a list of the questions you want to ask and tick them off as you get definitive answers.
She needs to know where she stands regarding the place she is living in. Who is on the rent book?

Still working at age 74? And with mobility issues? Bless her!
She may be entitled to guarantee pension credit, which will then entitle her to housing benefit and council tax benefit.

Good luck with this.

Please come back and let us know how you get on.

C_Mababejive

It reminds me of that fab song and maybe it is one of the best ways. Just go...it saves a lot of faffing about..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhasLyfuT4Y

margaretclare

mgdavid wrote: »

unusually judgemental there duchy! Don't forget women can be abusive and bullying too - he may have simply been escaping just in time with his sanity and life intact...

Couldn't have put it better myself. That was exactly the situation.

When you get to an end- stage like that, saving your sanity and your life may be the only option. Discussion will not help. Tried that already, many times.

That happened in November 1997. We were married in 2002 and we are still together.

RAS

Is mum on the rental agreement? She needs to urgently establish if her husband has given notice on the property in which she is living without telling her.

Check www.turn2us.org.uk for help re housing, CT etc.

And speak to AgeUK.

Do they have any joint bank accounts or savings accounts. If so those need to be secured.

Either go into the bank today and tell them that all further debits require both signatures or

Take out half the money in each account and then tell them that all further debti need both signatures.

And take meter readings for all utilities. Check what they are currently (possibly in surplus).

Pollycat

margaretclare wrote: »

Couldn't have put it better myself. That was exactly the situation.

When you get to an end- stage like that, saving your sanity and your life may be the only option. Discussion will not help. Tried that already, many times.

That happened in November 1997. We were married in 2002 and we are still together.

I think you've mentioned this before, margaretclare.

That's what I meant in my post #12 (although I'm not sure I worded it quite right).

I knew it wasn't just as simple as him leaving a note and walking out.

margaretclare

Pollycat wrote: »

I think you've mentioned this before, margaretclare.

That's what I meant in my post #12 (although I'm not sure I worded it quite right).

I knew it wasn't just as simple as him leaving a note and walking out.

You did word it just right, Pollycat, although obviously there was a long story before that. Even I don't know all that went on because I didn't meet him until a few weeks before that fateful Bonfire Night.

Cowardice someone said? Some family members summed it up pretty well. 'What took you so long?' That was her daughter's reaction and then 'Be happy'.

It seems that the OP, and others, are surprised that this has happened with a couple in their 70s. No one can know all the details of what happens in someone else's marriage, but at 70 one is increasingly aware of time running out. We all have only one life to live.

seth0571

Many thanks for all your responses & I do think in the long run she will be better off without him, wasn't exactly a 'loving' husband. I have spoken to her housing association this morning & as they are both on the tenancy they both need to sign to get the other one removed- advised to get the DD changed to my Mom in laws name & for now leave him on the tenancy until speaking to CAB.
Will defo be following up on the advice we need to sit down with her regarding the finances at the moment she is still hurt and angry. It's not the breakdown of the relationship it's the way he has left things their finances were kept separate (his choice) & it's not the first time he has left he walked out on his first wife with a young child years before he met my MIL. Guess it's just part of his DNA! Once again many thanks for your help & support.

RAS

Hi

If their finances were separate then at least he cannot take out loads of money and leave her with the overdraft.

However, since they are married all assets of the marriage need to be shared. Does he get a pension? Did he have any savings?