Decree Absolute/Consent Order

kaybo69

Hi, my wife left me for someone else a year and a half ago and I am at a point where I can apply for the decree absolute as the petitioner of the divorce to which the STBX agreed to adultery as the grounds.

I am just a little bit nervous about the financial side of things.
She had previously agreed that if I paid for the divorce and a consent order that she would sign the consent order stating no future claim on my finances including pension on the condition that I pay off a remaining debt which is in joint names.

Since then I have paid for the divorce and been paying the debt but now she has backtracked and wants me to declare my financial position, which I have done because I want to be upfront and get a clean break ASAP.

I simply can not see the point in me paying for a consent order now if I have nothing else to gain from it as it appears she is weighing up my finances to help her make a new decision, and I have done my bit with paying for the divorce, and let's face it I will end up paying off the debt anyway unless I want to get bad credit.

So I just need to assess the future risks to me without paying out anymore money on this marriage/divorce.

My position is a pension with a value of £27k when I retire in 30+ years, thats £3.5k per year benefit.
We have a joint loan lasting another 22 years with £8k remaining.
I earn twice as much as her if not more these days

Everything else has been settled. We sold our house, I gave her £4k out of the proceeds of the house sale and between us we paid off about £18k of the loan mentioned above.

Since the split I have met someone else with whom I am living in her house and we are expecting a child. I have no children with my ex.

Me and my partner want to consolidate and buy a house together and so she is selling 2 of her houses so we can get 1 big one.

If I apply for the decree absolute today, what do I put at risk by not agreeing a financial settlement?

I am worried that when I buy my next house once the divorce is final she will still have a right to claim on that and I don't want to get my new partner's finances involved in all this. We intend to get married once the child arrives and the dust settles etc.

If the ex still wants to claim on my pension, and that is all she would be entitled to anyway, then there is no point in me paying for and submitting a consent order as there is actually nothing for me to gain from it.

Has anyone else got any advice on this matter. I just want closure so I don't have to worry about or contact the woman ever again.

Thanks

mgdavid

You need a solicitor. One experienced in matrimonial financial settlements, and a rottweiler to boot. If you DIY it could be a *very* expensive mistake.

WillowCat

Get yourself over to wikivorce for some more detailed advice.

However a couple of things struck me. First off, you would have needed to give financial disclosure anyway for the consent order so nothing lost there. Of course once she has your disclosure (and you have hers, this is a two way street) then she can consider whether the offer you have made is reasonable.

If you are both young then offsetting the loan against your pension on the face of it sounds reasonable.

You gave her £4k out of the proceeds of the house sale. How much did you keep for yourself? Do you have any other savings?

The fact that you earn twice her salary is probably not significant as you have no children. For her to claim spousal maintenance she would have to prove a 'need' and that you have an ability to pay. It is fortunately unusual nowadays unless you are super rich or she is disabled or has other reasons to be fiscally disadvantaged.

If she has said she won't sign a consent order then you have no choice but to start court proceedings - you need to attempt mediation first - but if it ends up in court you can self represent and save a packet of fees. The judge will issue a financial order if you can't agree by then, but either way it needs to be done to protect your future financial position.

barbiedoll

How long were you married for? You mention a 22 year loan and the fact that you'll be retiring in "30+" years so I'm guessing that you're quite young?

If you were married for less than 1-2 years, I doubt whether any judge will award her any part of your future pension, nor would she have any claim on your next house with your new partner.

Normally, in the case of short marriages (without children), you should expect to end up in a similar position to what you were before the marriage, i.e. no-one would make huge gains from the other.

Are you still on speaking terms? You could point out to her that taking over the loan, along with giving her part of the equity in the house, is more than fair in return for a "clean break", if it went to court, she may well find herself still liable for the loan, her salary wouldn't necessarily count against you, she has no dependants after all.

As WillowCat says, the financial disclosure goes both ways, she will not be able to financially gain from the divorce, if you were only married for a short time. Of course, she shouldn't lose out either!

kaybo69

Hi thanks for your replies. We have been married for 6.5 years but separated for the last one and a half. I am 36 so relatively young I guess.
So I gave her £4k but did not keep anything for myself. The remainder of the proceeds went against the 22 year loan, leaving £8k to pay off, which I am paying at the moment (£70 per month). I wanted to pay off as much as possible from 100% of the proceeds but she was backtracking on a previous agreement that all of the £22k proceeds of sale went against the debt. In the end I agreed to her keeping £4k and the rest went on the debt. Her new bloke was trying to get her to keep the full £11k (half of the £22k) but luckily her mum made her see sense and we compromised. I was so relieved; I could have been lumbered with an extra £7k and so am forever grateful to my soon to be ex-in laws
I have no savings either, just the joint debt and the pension.
I sent her the email disclosing my position over a week ago but have not heard back yet.
I am able to submit my decree absolute as of yesterday but do not want to yet as I am worried I will be closing the door on a fair agreement if I do

RAS

Lost the previous response.

What evidence do you have that she agreed anything previously?

In whose name is the loan? What was it taken out for?

How much communication is in writing because texts and e-mails have limted legal value?

Tigsteroonie

kaybo69 wrote: »

If the ex still wants to claim on my pension, and that is all she would be entitled to anyway, then there is no point in me paying for and submitting a consent order as there is actually nothing for me to gain from it.

But the point of a Consent Order is to finalise the financial side - so you will know whether she does have any claim on your pension and how much. If you don't have this closure, she can come back at a later date and start asking for part of the pension, part of your new house, part of the inheritance from rich Uncle Fred, part of your lottery winnings, etc ... It is definitely in your interest to finish your divorce properly with a clean break order.

mgdavid

kaybo69 wrote: »

Hi thanks for your replies. We have been married for 6.5 years but separated for the last one and a half. I am 36 so relatively young I guess.
So I gave her £4k but did not keep anything for myself. The remainder of the proceeds went against the 22 year loan, leaving £8k to pay off, which I am paying at the moment (£70 per month). I wanted to pay off as much as possible from 100% of the proceeds but she was backtracking on a previous agreement that all of the £22k proceeds of sale went against the debt. In the end I agreed to her keeping £4k and the rest went on the debt. Her new bloke was trying to get her to keep the full £11k (half of the £22k) but luckily her mum made her see sense and we compromised. I was so relieved; I could have been lumbered with an extra £7k and so am forever grateful to my soon to be ex-in laws
I have no savings either, just the joint debt and the pension.
I sent her the email disclosing my position over a week ago but have not heard back yet.
I am able to submit my decree absolute as of yesterday but do not want to yet as I am worried I will be closing the door on a fair agreement if I do

see post #2

kaybo69

Thanks for your replies mgdavid. Yes I've seen your first post and getting a solicitor is the obvious option, but I was also fishing to find out if there is anyone out there has been through a divorce an can share some real life experience and advice

RAS

have you been to wikidivorce?

mgdavid

kaybo69 wrote: »

Thanks for your replies mgdavid. Yes I've seen your first post and getting a solicitor is the obvious option, but I was also fishing to find out if there is anyone out there has been through a divorce an can share some real life experience and advice

My posts and advice therein are from my son's recent real life experience.