Newbie advice, OH work related anxiety...

neffnoid

Hello all, been a lurker for years and have found everyone so fantastically helpful so here goes...
Am married with 2 DC, have a reasonable job that I enjoy with good prospects. OH was made redundant from a company he had worked for all his working life. He was a senior manager, travelled loads and was very stressed. The relief when he lost his job outweighed the worry at the time. We'd relocated and he was keen to try something simpler. He did find a job in a similar industry but he started to worry lost all confidence and unfortunately he lost his job again. He's now employed again in another managerial position, been working all hours, rarely sees the children - cue anxiety. He doesn't enjoy his job or the industry but feels that he had to do it in order to provide for his family. I believe he should hand in his notice, let me go full time, reduce the children's nursery hours, him be the main carer and take a part time job and give himself a break. We could just about afford this, things would be tight but life's too short. He's worried that this would be career suicide even though he hates his job and it's making him ill. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? (Sorry for the long post!!!)

jaylee3

I don't think anyone can advise you really. It's really up to him what he does.

If he 'doesn't like the idea' of you being breadwinner, and YOU can't change his mind, how are an anonymous bunch of people on an internet forum going to change his mind?

Better_Days

What does your DH want to do career wise? Is there anything he would love to do? Would it be possible for him to re-train, for example evening classess or OU, or PT FE, whilst also providing childcare some of the time?

Gigglepig

Did the ex employer provide counselling or even a career coaching at the time of the redundancy? It can be helpful after redundancy. Just a hunch but it sounds like your OH completely lost his confidence, perhaps didn't get to address how he felt at the time of the redundancy, and might benefit from some support? 17 years is a long time and it must have been a shock to the system.

If the previous job was only 18 months, personally I would try to stay in the job at least 2 years to avoid two relatively short term jobs in a row (unless he is a contractor).

ETA - depending on the age of the children flexible working might be a possibility - could he go part time in the current job or even look for lateral moves within his current workplace? if you have young children it may also be possible to take unpaid parental leave for some weeks, if it would be good for him to have some additional family time without handing in his notice.

neffnoid

Thanks for your replies, at this stage I'm not trying to persuade him to do anything merely just give options so he doesn't feel pressured into doing anything. Some useful points raised re retraining, taking leave etc. Definitely a confidence issue and I'm keen for him to seek support.

trailingspouse

My OH took 3 years out due to stress/depression. We set up a business doing something completely different (although in an area he's always had a serious interest in). We reached a point where we realised the business, although not making a loss, was not making us enough to live on sensibly. He took the plunge and went back to his old industry, although in a different role. On his CV he put 'Three years career break to concentrate on x'. If it's ever mentioned, it's with interest and has never been a problem.

It all depends how you sell it.

TBeckett100

It will be career suicide

We've interviewed men who have stayed at home and done the baby thing and they don't stand a chance in afraid

Management men are deemed to be capable of working long hours, business minded approach and focussed. Not nipping home early to wipe bottoms.
Harsh, but true in afraid