The woes of teenage exams

Jagraf

My DD is studying for her GCSEs and is currently revising for mocks. She works really hard and also plays enough, so seems to have the balance right. When she worries about exams she speaks to us, we tell her not to worry, and make her feel better ( usually with an ice cream ).

She has high expectations of herself and I am sure she will do fine. However, this is just the start of it, isn't it? It just gets harder and harder and more stressful, and I really feel for her and all other teens in the same predicament. She looks tired as do her friends.

How do you all cope / how have you all coped? It hurts me to watch these kids who should be having fun tied to the desk all evening.

FBaby

It hurts me to watch these kids who should be having fun tied to the desk all evening

Why? They are 16, not far off from entering adult life, surely it is better that they start facing the reality of competition and having to work hard to get where they want to be.

Teenagers do have plenty of fun, it is all about balance as you say. She has Christmas coming up, that will be much fun and able to relax after her exams. I really don't see the average 16yo as having it bad at all.

Faith177

My mum was fantastic with me with my exams no pressure what so ever. She just let me get on with it but I knew if I need emotional support she was there.

The only thing she would say to me is "As long as when you have those results in your hand and you look at the grade and can say truthfully to yourself I did my best that's all I ask"

I still went to cadets all through my exams still went on camps ect I was even going through prolonged tonsilitis and was off school every other week and had to have an op 3 months before the exams and I walked away with great grades

Also she promised me rewards depending on the grades originally it was money but it ended up being a trip to Prague and Russia just the two of us.

Buzzybee90

I remember exam stress very well... However, I know you think it will only get worse but I don't agree. My GCSE results were good and I can see how they might not have the same effect if they weren't. Basically, the results gave me confidence and self belief. I also think A Levels and degrees are subjects that are wholly chosen by the student. Dropping from 15 subjects to 4 is a great leap, even though the academic work gets a lot harder there's a lot less going on.. If you're not interested in art or German, spending hours doing them can be disheartening but maybe a few hours working on a project in a subject they love will be more rewarding.

I certainly found this - Also, and I know how annoying it can be when people say this whilst you're studying hard - though GCSEs are important it's not the be all and end all if a couple of grades aren't too good. These are the best years so don't let her get lost in all this exam stress, like a diet, a little and often!

I don't agree with rewarding grades with money because it can lead to boasting, I had a friend who got poor exam results but came into sixth form with a Rolex... and no they didn't try hard but were unlucky - their parents had promised them a £100 (yes...!) for a D and £300 for a C........... they knew they didn't need much to get what they wanted.

The mind boggles.

pollypenny

I used to buy DD little treats like fancy bath bombs or a little bunch of flowers for her room.

For DS it was fancy biscuits.

The best thing you can do is encourage.

onomatopoeia99

Jagraf wrote: »

It hurts me to watch these kids who should be having fun tied to the desk all evening.

Were you not the same when you had exams as a teenager? I know I was when I had O levels / A levels / finals (although I was 21 come time for my finals so no longer a teenager).

Just have knuckle down and get on with it really and it sounds like your daughter is doing just that.

Jagraf

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Were you not the same when you had exams as a teenager? I know I was when I had O levels / A levels / finals (although I was 21 come time for my finals so no longer a teenager).

Just have knuckle down and get on with it really and it sounds like your daughter is doing just that.

Maybe that's it. I did nothing at school, messed about the whole time. My mum was poorly (nervous breakdown) through my teens (she's fine now and a lovely mum and nan). I had to catch up later and went to 'night school'.

I was determined to give my daughter a different experience and she is totally different from what I was (thank goodness) although I do see some elements of me in her - she's not naturally studious she prefers to have fun .

Maybe this is all about me and DD is absolutely fine

jaylee3

There really is no easy way to make them feel better. It's a difficult and stressful time for them, and the pressure is on from the school AND from the parents sometimes.

All you can do is help them with their study when you can (don't do the work for them but assist them.) Get flash cards (make them if possible) and test them for many weeks before each exam.

And be patient and tolerant with them, as the teen years are a very emotional time, and they get distressed and depressed easily and can be vulnerable.

Just be there, help when you can, and tell them that they as long as they do their best, it doesn't matter what the result is. And when push comes to shove, you will be there for them, no matter what the outcome.

Madmel

Jagraf, it looks as if you are doing a great job with your DD. We have just been through the whole GCSE thing with DD1 and it was quite trying. She got amazing results, but she works hard and is motivated. I was really pleased that she kept most of her out-of-school activities going as it gave her chance to be *normal* and did not affect her grades adversely in any way. She was given high target grades and did not expect to reach them, so I said that I would buy her a tenor sax if she achieved them - we picked it up a fortnight ago and it sounds fab, even if it cost me!

This is a rough time of year for anyone in education. The dark evenings, the long half term to Christmas and the mad rush of stuff going on before we break up is enough to exhaust anyone. As others have said, little treats, good meals and a quiet place to study are the best things you can do, along with asking her how she's getting on and if she wants anything like revision guides, postcards for notes or coloured pens. Most importantly, whatever grades she comes out with, as long as she did her best, that's all you could wish for.

Shelldean

Madmel,

Your last comment is my mantra to my four.
Youngest is in his GCSE year and really REALLY struggling, confidence is at an all time low.
He was finally diagnosed in September with severe dyslexia
Huge blow almost like body blow.

But I just offer support emotional and physical, and keep repeating that whatever grades he earns so long as he can look me in the eye and say I did my best. Then I'll be the proudest mum around.

Am glad he's the youngest tho don't think I could do this again, tho the older three were easier.

sazaccount

Hi,

I know this might get shot down by others but unless your DD has decided not to go onto A-level or NVQ, just remind her as long as she gets 5 A-C's with at least a C in maths, English possibly science with the subjects she would like to continue studying in, GCSE's don't really mean a lot!!!

I coasted along my GCSE's and then fell of the waggon in my AS / A-levels, however I now have an undergrad and Masters, I am also severally dyslexic with a reading and spelling ago of a 7 year old.

Just make sure that she does have a balance, of the studying and the fun stuff or activities with friends. She may have higher expectations of herself however as long as she knows you are happy with passes, which even if you wold like more, your DD doesn't need that added pressure!!
My parents did this with me at uni, told me they thought I would get a 2:2 (well thats what they told me) I wanted to prove them wrong and got a 2:1. My mum told me after she would of been disappointed with a 2:2 but knew what I was like!!

Good Luck to her :j