maintaince problems

nirvana_3

My ex husband left myself and 4 kids after 23yrs of marriage to be with someone else. An order was made for maintaince for the kids but he either doesnt pay or is late, It is too much hassle and expense to keep going back to court. He has nothing to do with his children and lives a very expensive life style livng in a million pound house etc. I find it hard to make ends meet and I am carer for my youngest child who has special needs. When my daughter turned 18yrs he stopped paying for her although I was told he still had to pay as she was doing her ALevels she has been trying for the past year to get money from him as she was told she needed to do this as she was now 18yrs old he asks through the solicitor for information about her and wants her to agree that she will never contact hiim again in the future. It is all very stressful for her and he still has not paid. Has anyone any adivce on how to proceed with someone who is so controlling. He has his own business so it is hard to know his earnings and he ignores the Courts Orders. I just want to give my children the best education I can but it costs money.

caeler

No way should the child have to contact the father for assistance. I was never asked by Child support or anybody official to do this at 18 when my father wasn't paying my mother maintenance and I was doing a-levels. (I just got a p/t job so I could afford new clothes, driving lessons, etc.)

caeler

Sorry that sounded like your daughter should get a job, what I mean is I never wanted to ask my mum for little extras like pocket money, etc because I knew she couldn't afford it, so if I wanted something I paid.

I have to admit, I knew my father didn't want to give me anything so I never asked. All contact ceased when I was 13.

nirvana_3

bluefuzzybug wrote: »

Sorry that sounded like your daughter should get a job, what I mean is I never wanted to ask my mum for little extras like pocket money, etc because I knew she couldn't afford it, so if I wanted something I paid.

I have to admit, I knew my father didn't want to give me anything so I never asked. All contact ceased when I was 13.

The course that she is doing meant she lived in during the week and had weekend duties at times being an agricultural college in is in a rural area with no regular bus service. I would not be happy about her walking the 3miles to the village (very dark lanes) to get the limted bus service. The college do not encourage this. Her father should be paying its just knowing the correct route to take

MXW

nirvana wrote: »

My ex husband left myself and 4 kids after 23yrs of marriage to be with someone else. An order was made for maintaince for the kids but he either doesnt pay or is late, It is too much hassle and expense to keep going back to court. He has nothing to do with his children and lives a very expensive life style livng in a million pound house etc. I find it hard to make ends meet and I am carer for my youngest child who has special needs. When my daughter turned 18yrs he stopped paying for her although I was told he still had to pay as she was doing her ALevels she has been trying for the past year to get money from him as she was told she needed to do this as she was now 18yrs old he asks through the solicitor for information about her and wants her to agree that she will never contact hiim again in the future. It is all very stressful for her and he still has not paid. Has anyone any adivce on how to proceed with someone who is so controlling. He has his own business so it is hard to know his earnings and he ignores the Courts Orders. I just want to give my children the best education I can but it costs money.

The only way forward is to take him to court for non payment. Both of you will have to complete a statement of earnings/means and plead your case in the front of a judge. He will have to prove that he can no longer afford the agreed maintanance, you will have to prove that your financial circumstances have not changed since the order was made ie household income has not increased.

frannyann

Sounds like my ex!! Have you involved the CSA, I know they are rubbish but they can at least take money at source. Sadly they don't seem to investigate, fraudulently (SP?) hiding money and claiming no income whilst living up on multiple foreign holidays . Not alot I can say other to offer sympathy and let you know you're not alone in this!!

eira

First look at the court order-what is the wording for the maintenance-is it for tertiary education or full time education-one stops at A level the other continues to university and stops I think at 24. This is no more than he would have done had he not cleared off. Your daughter can get Legal Aid to pursue him for the maintenance.

I know the arguments for independence etc but my eldest is a Science student which means the days are taken up by lectures and lab work. She still has two part-time jobs and she also has difficulties from a neurological condition. Despite this she will still leave university with debts. I help as much as I can but her father left us with massive debts.

I feel very strongly that even the children of divorce are entitled to the lifestyle that they would have had if their father hadn't cleared off. there are divorces and divorces - but ones where the father clears off leaving their children in poverty is not acceptable in any one's language.

One thought is whether he would accept a lump sum deal-but be very careful you and your daughter won't end up out of pocket. Make sure also that it's done in some way that he can't get out of.

Good luck

nirvana_3

eira wrote: »

First look at the court order-what is the wording for the maintenance-is it for tertiary education or full time education-one stops at A level the other continues to university and stops I think at 24. This is no more than he would have done had he not cleared off. Your daughter can get Legal Aid to pursue him for the maintenance.

I know the arguments for independence etc but my eldest is a Science student which means the days are taken up by lectures and lab work. She still has two part-time jobs and she also has difficulties from a neurological condition. Despite this she will still leave university with debts. I help as much as I can but her father left us with massive debts.

I feel very strongly that even the children of divorce are entitled to the lifestyle that they would have had if their father hadn't cleared off. there are divorces and divorces - but ones where the father clears off leaving their children in poverty is not acceptable in any one's language.

One thought is whether he would accept a lump sum deal-but be very careful you and your daughter won't end up out of pocket. Make sure also that it's done in some way that he can't get out of.

Good luck

He also left many debts and like you I feel the children should not be the ones that lose out in all this. I do my best in caring and suppporting but Education is not cheap. Can you go to court without a solicitor? my experiance has been mistakes have been made in the past and even the courts cannot seem to get it right. It says Full time Education which I have been told means up to 16yrs. The order needs to be varied to include A level but because the court messed things up the order expired and nobody is sure how to proceed including the solicitor.Thanks for your help.

eira

There is some debate about this-but look at the exact wording of the duration of the maintenance.The CSA I think goes up to 17/18 but court orders for maintenance are different. Tertiary education can be interpreted as up to A levels but full time education is to the end of first degree level with a cut off age of 24 as I remember.
There was a landmark case of a Hull University student who took her father to court for maintenance and fees-and won. Look it up on Google news-this was roughly 12 to 18 months ago.
Before doing anything find out as much as you can about his finances.I know this is hard but courts can refuse to accept exotic holidays/big houses/flash cars as evidence of a good income. If you leave this until you start action it is an easy matter to hide funds-eg opening a range of bank accounts for different sources of income/shifting income into the partners name.
What about the needs of the youngest child ? The Matrimonial Causes Act is supposed to protect the lifestyle of the children of the marriage but that can turn out to be just a sick joke. How much are your finances stretched/working opportunities restricted ? Mind you one judge reckoned I should go after Disability Allowance for my daughter to save her father money ! a) She did not qualify for the full allowance at that point and b) being disabled is expensive not even the Tax office counts DA as income-but the family courts did.

A very useful and reliable source of legal advice is the free service that comes with most house insurances, clerks at the local court don't give legal advice but you can guarantee that they will check all forms are filled correctly (which not all solicitors bother to do). Very useful book is the Which Guide to Divorce-well worth the money

eira

And-not complying with Court Orders constitutes Contempt of Court-this smoked my ex out of the woodwork a few times.
Don't let the bullies get you down.
Your daughter would be entitled to a free half hour-maybe with a new solicitor
but research the firm first.If the solicitor is patronising or unpleasant find another one. But always always do your homework and make a list of what you want. Do not rely on them to do it-at best it will cost a fortune


Good luck