Easier to be OS in the olden days?

meritaten

my condolences to both Predaleko and Lessonlearned.

Seraph123

Huge hugs and warm thoughts and condolences to Predaleko and Lessonlearned.


xx

thriftwizard

Predaleko & lessonlearned, my heart goes out to you both in your so very recent losses.

I'm so pleased to hear that the DWP, the pensions people & the tax office have been helpful; this very afternoon we've been listening to my mother's horror stories about how shockingly she was treated when my father died at the young age of 52, leaving her with £27 in the bank & two children (myself, not quite 12, and my younger brother, just 8) still at home, back in 1970. She was given 6 weeks to get out of the vicarage, had nowhere to go, hadn't been in paid employment for over 20 years, didn't drive and met with complete indifference at best from the agencies that were supposed to help her; she was hardly the kind of widow they thought they were there for. One "helpful" official suggestion was that she should just place the two of us in an orphanage & go into an almshouse & forget about us! Fortunately Mum is made of pure British grit, well-concealed beneath a middle-class exterior; she got stuck in, found a job and got us through. I'm fairly sure her well-to-do relatives gave her a small helping hand when they realised that the church couldn't get shot of us quickly enough, but when I look back at things like going home from school one day to find that most of our furniture & belongings had just vanished - to the salesroom, where they fetched a tiny pittance - including her beloved baby grand piano (she'd trained as a professional musician) the utter dislocation in our lives was tremendous.

We'd never been rich; the exact opposite in fact, but we'd always lived in a big house with a big garden that Dad could produce a fair proportion of our food from, and Mum had had the free time to attempt to cook & make our clothes. And we'd had the kind of social cachet that comes from your father being in the "professional" classes; all gone, overnight, and people crossing the road to avoid my mother so as not to know what dire straits she was in; if they didn't know, they couldn't be blamed for not helping. And I think that it shines through lots of people's stories that it was when something major went wrong - someone died, or became very ill/disabled, or a "safe" job was lost - that life as we knew it just collapsed. I can't imagine how much worse it must be for people who live in war zones, or suddenly have to flee for their lives from political changes.

But with the help of some kind parishioners, we did survive & my brother & I were never really aware of how precarious our situation had been. And when Mum was fretting about the cost of care for my stepfather the other day - which they can easily afford, and that after all is what the money is there for! - I told her not to worry, she's given us something far more valuable than mere money; she gave us the attitude & ability to survive & even thrive with very little of it.

Eyeore

My condolences to you both Predaleko and Lessonlearned, sending you big hugs x

I am very munching enjoying all the stories! fascinating

meanmarie

Condolences to Predaleko and Lessonlearned, feel free to use us as shoulders to cry on as you need

Marie

lessonlearned

Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. I'm doing ok. I'm made of strong stuff.

My husband was ill for 9 long years so in the end his death was a blessing. His suffering is over and he is at peace now.

Thriftwizard - your mums story is a heartbreaking one but it does illustrate how precarious life can be, and how our circumstances can change so drastically. Life can turn on a sixpence.

A close family friend of my parents went through something very similar to your mum. I think in the past widows were often treated shamefully.

In my case it was husbands illness that wrecked our finances. I won't bore you all with the details but let's just say that long term illness and disability is an expensive business which depletes any savings and which can plunge you into debt.

We nearly went bankrupt but I managed (with the help of MSE and these forums) to hang on. Its ironic that now that my husband is dead my money worries are over. He had great presence of mind to ensure that I was well provided for.,

It's somewhat reassuring to know that I don't have to worry too much about my financial future but I would much rather go bankrupt with him by my side.....

Hey ho, we don't get to choose. We have to play the hand we are dealt.

parsniphead

Predaleko and Lessonslearned my sincerest condolences.

nursemaggie

Lessonslearned my sincerest condolences.

Catcherupper14

Lessonlearned, my condolences to you too.

mardatha

I had no idea the church treated its "workers" so badly but I suppose it figures eh. "Christian" people don't always go to church. Does anybody think the food banks are the new soup kitchens? And does anybody else think TPTB are opting out of care and trying to shove it onto the charities? It suits them fine to step back and wash their hands of it I think but where will it end - the workhouse??