Easier to be OS in the olden days?

[Deleted User]

If there is one thing that I would say, it is that if you have living parents and grandparents then ask them everything about their childhoods. My parents died and then I realised that I hardly knew anything about the real knitty gritty of their past lives

I used to wish that I had grandparents, they had all died before I was born. My dad was polish, had a tough time and fought with the uk in the whole war, then was classed as an alien and could not return or he would have been shot by the russians. He met my mum when they were billeted in her home after liberating breda. They settled in liverpool and did not live amongst the other poles but fully integrated by themselves. When he died the whole big church was packed full and my mum was left with 7 children, I was the eldest at 21. I had no extended family in the uk and missed that side of it a lot.

My dad did not talk about his parents and about the war as it was far too painful for him. The 7 children all went onto get university educations and all ended up in very respectable jobs, mostly teachers or medics and one is often on the tv as an expert witness. My parents would have been happy and I think that is what they strived for. We all are still married to the same people that we married between 30 and 44 years ago, so I believe that the stability did have an effect

I am loving my time now as a grandparent and am slowly passing skills to the little ones. Gs aged 7 and I have started writing letters to each other when I explained that I kept his grandads letters, which meant a whole lot more that a quickly written e mail. Gs asked me for some paper and an envelope and I had the first letter last week. You can tell it was wholly written by him and on the back it said `please send me a letter back`. When he stayed he was trying to tell me how to download games onto my computer and I said that I didn`t play games on the computer because it was a waste of time, so now he is learning to spin with a drop spindle and is part way through making a hobby horse for his sister, he is dh`s apprentice. We love passing our skills on and act as mentors, rather than substitute parents

I wrote two books so far, both via blurb, they took quite a while to put together but are full of photos and details and family history. One is from as much as I know about both my parents, the dutch side was relatively easy as someone had already had a huge file on the direct family line, actually going back to 1650, mentioning children who had died of plague. My dutch line goes down through landowners (farmers probably) and then horticulturalists and then a baker, who started the well know chain in breda. I am instinctively good at growing veg and I make bread all the time. Def in the genes.

The other book was about family history starting when dh and I were both young, through marriage and then with the children at all ages. Dh wrote a book about his family history and that is when I found the scottish connections. Now I am at peace and no longer feel the need to dump the old black and white family photos on anyone, like they were dumped on me. I still have to parcel them up for various people and that will be that. Tbh, it has taken years to get it all together and it was traumatic at times

At my age now, it is time to just live in the present and tbh it is so liberating

Oh I just saw your post predaleko, I am so so sorry and want to send you big warm hugs

candlelight_2013

Oh Predaleko I am so sorry to hear of the death of your partner, my sincere condolences.

I am glad you enjoy all our stories, and you can see there is a wide age range. You sound as though you will manage materially with the experience you have had, I hope you have someone close to support you emotionally at this dreadful time.

Please feel you can always talk to us.

Much love

Candlelightx

moments_of_sanity

I remember going out to the coal bunker in the garden and bringing some in to put beside the fire, I also remember spending hours making newspaper lighters for the coal fire. They had to be done a certain way otherwise my Nan would get very cross.

My Nan looked after me and my Brother during the school holidays and I remember doing all sorts of activities with her, she taught me Macraemi (sp), we made Christmas decorations from old cards cut with pinking shears, we somehow made these into a ball shaped decoration but can't for the life of me remember how to do it now. Much to my DH's disgust I still love a banana sandwich and banana bread, my eldest is so looking forward to coming home from Uni to have one of my lovely banana sandwiches as she loves them too! :rotfl:

nursemaggie

Predaleko so sorry to hear about your partner please accept my condolences.

It seems things have come round full circle. Times are nearly as hard again for many of us. I think they have always been hard for some people but it certainly seems to be rising fast as more and more of us enter the ranks of the poor.

Predaleko1984

Thanks all for your kind words. It's very tough, but I will get there in the end xx

lessonlearned

Predaleko I am so sorry to hear about the death of your partner. My sincere condolences to you.

It is in fact just three months to the day today since my husband died so I can emphathise with you. We will get through this......

I hope you have all the support and help you need. Take your time and look after your self.

On a practical level make sure you get all the financial help you need and are entitled to.

I have been pleasantly surprised at just how helpful people like the DWP, the pension service and the tax office have been. It does take several weeks to sort everything out and there is a lot of paperwork but I have found that people have been incredibly kind.

Stay well, keep warm and just take things one day at a time. There will be good days and bad days ahead, on the bad days I just shut down and put things off until I feel stronger.

Big hugs.....

Catcherupper14

Predaleko, please accept my sincere condolences.

candlelight_2013

Oh my goodness Lessonlearned, I am so sorry, my sincere condolences.

Look after yourself

Much love

Candlelightx

moments_of_sanity

Lessonlearned, my sincere condolences to you. How kind of you to offer such lovely and helpful advice when you yourself are still grieving. X

suki1964

Predaleko and lessonlearned, my sincere condolences to you both

Caroline xx