Mini meltdown and light bulb moment

AleMrsT

Oh and my debt is finally under £5000! :j:T

AleMrsT

I'm down to the last £25 in my bank account, I don't think I'll last until the end of the month with it so I may have to dip into the savings but I really didnt want to do that as its for the hen do and paying off the holiday. I think I've been very optimistic with my budgeting this month, particularly as I have spent £99 on the gym membership and £84 in NewLook on two dresses, a jacket and some shoes that I really didnt need. I was intending to return one of the dresses and the jacket but have decided to keep them as I have another birthday party, a hen do and a wedding coming up, and the only other clothes I've bought this year have been work tops and gym stuff from primark. I also transferred £200 to my savings account which is very generous for the hen do considering the only thing to pay for is lunch and drinks, but I wanted to be able to pay the majority of it towards the holiday. I feel like I've failed already with paying for the holiday but looking back I dont think I have really as I initially wanted to pay £100 per month and I've put £200 into savings and have already paid £54 off this month.

I'm pleased to say I have been making use of the gym membership and I'm really enjoying it! I mainly book onto the classes which are included, so its proving good value for money so far. I went to the main gym after work on Friday but only stayed for 20 minutes, then I did body pump on saturday morning (I actually set an alarm and got out of bed before 10am on a Saturday out of choice!), I did zumba last night and I did a hiit session at home on Wednesday. I'm planning to do the same this week, although I'll probably skip the friday night gym session and I'll just do a work out at home instead tomorrow and book onto an extra class on Tuesday next week. Its weigh day tomorrow but I checked on Monday and I think I've lost another pound too, so far so good :T:T

Off to catch up on diaries and read a few more chapters of my book until OH gets home at 11.30. I'm looking after niece number 2 tomorrow as my sister has a new job so an early start for a Wednesday.

AleMrsT

So my enthusiasm for the gym hasn't waived, I've been going 3 times a week since joining, I'm so proud of myself! Its my day off today so I've had a lie in and am going to get on with the cleaning and ironing, its a miserable day outside so a perfect day to get the house sparkling again. I had to give in and transfer some money from my savings account to my current account as I don't have an overdraft facility, I have £170 left in savings and £30 in my current account, payday is two weeks today. We may need to do a food shop as we have no meat left in the freezer, the only problem with eating better is having to restock the fridge so often with fresh produce, but as I'm eating better I've found I'm less hungry overall so we're not having to buy all of the random junk snacks that we previously used to buy.

We've had a letter from our letting agent this week to confirm the tenancy is just carrying on month by month, there is no mention of a rent increase for this year so thats good news.

Off to make a cup of tea and catch up on diaries before I crack on with the ironing.

AleMrsT

Well I havent paid any more off the holiday, but I do have £250 in my savings account ready to transfer across on payday at the end of the month. I have £50 left in my account to last the month, which is a tad optimistic.

I seriously need to knuckle down on the food planning, as it all has a knock on effect. If I food plan I then only buy groceries that we need for the plan, we don't end up eating out or getting takeaways AND it helps keep me on track with healthy eating which has well and truly gone out of the window the past few weeks!
I've been cleaning all day today and the OH is at work so I'm going to treat myself to a chinese takeaway as a last blow out then sit down and write a meal plan for the next couple of weeks. We have loads of meat in the freezer so its a case of planning around what we have and making a list of additional ingredients we'll need from the supermarket tomorrow, then we just need to stick to the plan!

I am still going to the gym though, its been a busy few weeks with the hen do then dog sitting at mums house so I've only managed to get one class per week in instead of 3, but its better than no classes, and I have booked on for 3 next week starting on Monday.

Only 11 months until the holiday, and we have the dreaded car tax, mot and insurance renewal at the end of this month!

Will we ever get this holiday paid off?! I really need to talk some sense into my OH with transferring his other credit card to 0% and being more careful with his spending.

AleMrsT

I decided to pay £100 of my savings off to the holiday, if I am able to last to the end of the month with just the £50 in my current account I'll transfer another £100 towards the holiday and leave a £50 buffer in my savings account. I forgot that I also paid for the airport parking and hotel for the night before we fly which was £100, so if I do manage to not have to dip into my savings for the month, I'll have paid £300 towards holiday costs this month. I'll then try and pay at least £200 off the holiday next month aswell, I'd rather get it paid off before the deadline on 5th Feb, then we have more time to pay for holiday clothes and save a bit of spending money. Theres still such a long way to go though, I know its 11 months away but I'm starting to panic that we wont get it paid off and will have to put it on the credit card, which i really dont want to do!

AleMrsT

Well, its all gone to pot! I have not been focused on paying the holiday off, or on trying to be remotely healthy or sensible with my diet.

I decided to add on taxi transfers for the holiday. Trip advisor reviews are to blame! People had stated that the usual coach transfer does not drop you at the hotel, as the hotel is on a hill and buses are forbidden from certain roads during certain times, so it would mean a long walk in midday heat up a hill with suitcases and luggage. Our flight is at 6am so I just know that I wont cope with making our own way to the hotel after such an early start. So the holiday is now £142 more than it was last month! But I think it is worth it rather than trying to figure taxis out when we're there.

So the balance of the holiday is now £1542 instead of £1400.

In other news, I haven't been to the gym for 2 weeks. Last week the dance teacher hurt her ankle so the class was cancelled, and I'm working full time this week and last, and OH was on late shift tonight so I just couldnt face the thought of hanging round town for an hour then getting home at 8pm. I have booked onto the class tomorrow though as it is straight after work so not such a late finish getting the bus home.

I am also at the hospital this week, it has felt like a long 6 weeks, especially with my colleague being off and me having to do the two full weeks. Because of the extra work days (only 2, one of which I will get paid for as the other is in lieu of a sick day I had) I havent done any house work, and have been too tired at the weekend to even think about the cleaning, and with me being at the hospital this weekend, it will have to wait until next wednesday and the thought of leaving it that long is making me itch! :rotfl:

I might do a little bit each evening so I'm not scraping 6 inches of dust off the skirting boards next Wednesday :T

OH also started to look at the bills and finances last week. He is really not good with budgeting or tackling money management, but we had lots to pay out for the car, as we have now had it a year and all of the annual expenses are due for it so he was looking at our monthly income and expenditure.

Insurance, £460. MOT and service £477 :eek: Tax £147. Then the house insurance is also due which I pay.

So the car expenses went on his credit card. The one that he cleared last year by doing a 0% balance transfer.

It is now back up to £4300. :eek::mad: It had a small amount left on it after the BT as the new 0% card had a £4000 limit and there was more than that on the original card.

So our debt has increased 100%.

And it most definitely is OUR debt, not just OH, as although it is in his name, we have made joint purchases with them (mostly.... OH has also been using it for living expenses at the end of the month to avoid overdraft fees, which was evident when he was going through looking at the bills). After the expense of the last month, the car costs really need to budgeted monthly, as it is so expensive, but when OH worked it out, he got all in a panic and doesnt think we can afford the extra per month, so nothing more has been mentioned.

I persuaded him to apply for a second 0% card, but he didnt complete the application as they would only approve a £1000 limit and it would mean he had 3 credit cards again. He is scared to end up back where he was 10 years ago, with 8 credit cards having maxed each one and moved on to the next one and not being able to meet the minimums, then burying his head in the sand about it all.

So I totally agree with his decision not to get a 3rd card, and I feel partly to blame for the fact that we now have MORE debt than ever as it was me that suggested getting the second card in the first place. He was managing the one he had just fine, the balance just wasnt coming down an awful lot.

Now I'm also stressing about the holiday and how we'll pay it off.

The V card I'm not worried about (yet), its on 0% until August 2019, I think he has been paying around £40 per month to it which should just carry on as its bringing the balance down and is affordable. The original plan was for ME to pay this card off, but he set the DD up from his own account and I have been paying towards the holiday instead.

The old card is a problem. I think it is a fairly high interest rate (all of this is guestimates because I don't have access to his accounts), and he pays £100 a month to this.

He generated a rough spreadsheet and with our joint income and expenditure we should easily be able to afford to pay the holiday and the credit cards, but in reality it is not really happening. Due to buying concert tickets, over spending on grocery shopping, a far more expensive phone bill than I thought (sometimes upwards of £100 a month!) All of this I haven't been able to see until he started looking at it properly this month.

So I need to look at our options. One of which is to sit down again and go through both sets of bank accounts with a fine tooth comb, set a proper budget for grocery shopping etc and come up with a plan of action. The issue is time. We're like passing ships in the night the next few weeks, he's working on my days off and vice versa, and he is on late shifts so I'm home alone in the evenings.

I think I need to persuade him to give me access to his online banking accounts so I can have a look at it all when I'm at home in the evenings over the next couple of weeks. Since starting my DMP I now have a much better grasp at budgeting and managing my own account, so I think we would be far better off if I could see the overall picture of where we're at each month and take control of managing it all.

But I dont know whether this will work in practical terms. I don't want it to become a bigger issue than it needs to be; and I kind of want him to do what I have done and learn to manage a budget each month. I know where every single penny of my money goes, and my budget isnt perfect or stuck to religiously, but I start with the amount I get in, deduct my non negotiable outgoings (debt repayments, bills, transport costs) then work out what is happening for the month and apportion money towards each thing. Then what ever is left I add to my savings account to transfer to the holiday. I dont know if I could do that with 3 bank accounts, two credit cards and two savings accounts to manage, and I dont want him to feel like I'm being over bearing and naggy.

Any tips would be much appreciated. I feel like a massive failure, I worked so hard to manage my own finances and convince OH we could afford a holiday by basing it on what I could contribute, and because I went on and on about it so much, he clearly didnt feel able to properly talk to me about whether we truly COULD afford it, so I kind of ground him down, he gave in, and here we are!

Now I don't know how to fix it

AleMrsT

So since my last post I've been looking around the house for some statements etc to get the balances of the two credit cards to work out exactly how much we owe between us.

I have discovered two things:

1) We really need a good sort out and come up with a better filing system

2) I have no clue exactly how much we do owe!!

I couldnt find statements for the CC's as its all online BUT I found details of the other amounts so I'll write them here and update later.....

£1342.15 - OH old debt (plus one, maybe two more debts, he pays £15 a month to a debt recovery company, I could only find one statement).

£4804.26 - my DMP

£199.50 - the balance of the hoover that we got at christmas (0%, proud of him for not just putting it on the high interest CC!)

£9362.50 - Car

£8000 - OH's 2 CCs (I couldnt find the statements as they're online so I'm guessing at this figure, based on what hes paid to the 0% card per month and what is on his old card)

£1542 - Holiday

£500 - OH overdraft - complete guess at this, I have no idea how much his overdraft is but he's always in it each month.

So the total is over £25,750!!!!! And that is guessing some of the figures, it could be less, it could also be a lot more! :eek::eek: I have never sat and put all of our debt figures together before, as I've only ever had to concentrate on 'my' debt, the rest is in OH's name and we have separate bank accounts.

We really shouldn't have booked the holiday Now I'm sad and angry that we haven't sat down together and worked all of the exact figures out before. How have we been married for four years and never done a full assessment of not only our combined income and outgoings but how much we actually owe!?!

I feel a bit ill if I'm honest. I think I'm going to go to bed and sleep on it, then try and come up with a plan. Where the hell to even start?!

I was so proud to get my debt under £5000 aswell! :rotfl:

misstara

Hi, don't really have any tips I'm afraid but didn't want to read and not comment.

When are you away on holiday? Could you divert some of the money you're paying for the holiday to pay off some of the debt instead?

Could he apply for a different balance transfer card, one that would take all the balance of the old card? Even if it didn't, having 3 cards - 2@0% and a lower balance on the horrible interest one might be better than 2 cards if there's a high balance on the horrible interest one. He could then cut up the cards to ensure no more spending.

I think you need to make time to sit down and discuss it with him, you don't want to take on all the responsibility for the finances.

Hope that all makes sense, good luck with it

misstara

Just realised you've posted again in the time it took me to peck out a post on my phone.

Sending hugs, that's a big number but you're in the right place to get support and advice to tackle it.

AleMrsT

Thanks misst.

The holiday is next May, for our 5th wedding anniversary/honeymoon that we didnt have. The balance has to be paid by 5th February, I've been paying it bit by bit by putting money aside each month. If we cancel it we lose the £400 deposit and part of me thinks sod it, I've been sacrificing and paying off debt in some form or other for 10 years and will be doing so for the forseeable future, a holiday will keep me sane!

I will set aside some time to go through it all with him again, I personally think 5 credit cards all at 0% is better than one high interest card, but I just dont think it will help at this stage as it is proving impossible to manage what we already have. To be fair, there hasnt been any spending at all on the 0% card, I don't even think he's ever taken it off the initial letter, its just the one connected to his bank account that is the issue.

I/we also thought the car was also 0%, but it definitely isnt.

You're right, I don't want to take on all of the responsibility of it, but I think I might have to, as what we've been doing so far hasnt worked as we've been plodding along with neither of us having an idea of the true overall picture.

I literally need a PA for my whole life. Someone to manage my hospital appointments, someone to look after the house and someone to look after the finances! :rotfl: