Grrr can't do right by my family

Counting_Pennies_2

Just a bit of a rant really.


Rather fed up. I can never do right by my family. Always a let down to them, always have been.


I have managed to distance myself from them so I only have to deal with them every few months. Birthdays and Christmas so I don't continually get hurt.


There are so many instances that go back in time, that I am treated badly.


I try as I can to do the right thing but always I end up being a disappointment to them. I never see them enough, they never get enough photos. Any of my views are totally incorrect and their view is the only one of relevance.


Anyway, during my childhood my mother was obsessed with listening to a specific artist, all day she would listen to their music. So this person is now doing a big concert, and the tickets went on sale this weekend. I called her up and asked if she would like to go as a treat on me. She said she would love to. Was worried Dad wouldn't want to go as his hearing aid gets in the way of these things. I asked if she has a friend who is into the artist. She didn't think so. So I said I would take her, and then she would get to spend some time with me. Take her for a meal, etc.


She said thanks but actually I don't think I will come. Sorry if it sounds rude.


I am just speechless that no matter what I do I cannot get it right.


That is after all the whole reason why I moved so many miles away from her as it was doing my head in. I just sometimes wonder what is it she wants from me.


Nothing I can do is right


grrr

pinkshoes

It's her, not you, so don't let her actions bother you.

Some people just enjoy being difficult.

whitewing

My mother is always doing that. I spent loads once on a beautiful coat for her (in the sales - the most gorgeous colour, really warm, suited her incredibly well). It stayed in her wardrobe for over a year. Same with anything I give her for presents. Puts it aside for 'best' and there never is a 'best' even though I say I have bought it for everyday use.

I used to be so disappointed as I get excited about giving presents, which are always bought with the recipient in mind. Now, I just have a budget per person, take pleasure in wrapping it all up and handing it over and it is a bonus if they use it. I know it's some weird psychological thing with her and other family members, depending on how they are feeling at the time.

mrcow

Counting_Pennies wrote: »

She said thanks but actually I don't think I will come. Sorry if it sounds rude.

lol saying "Sorry" before you're about to be rude doesn't negate the fact that you're still being insulting.

I'm sure you're more than good enough. They just don't have the sense to appreciate it. You can't choose your family, and it seems like you're doing what you can. Just keep chipping away and don't give up on them. But don't take it too much to heart if they've always been this way.

Some people are just weird and ungrateful and it often gets even worse when their children grow up and they lose the control that they once had.

Gavin83

If they bother you that much just stop talking to them and cut them out of your life completely. Will be easier on you.

Georgiegirl256

Did you ask her why she changed her mind so quickly? I'd be wanting to know why, when only a few minutes before she was up for it.

duchy

You can't change how she treats you - goodness knows you've tried for long enough . What you can do is stop trying to please her and please yourself for a change.

She is an adult and is choosing to reject the things you want to do for her ......but you too are an adult and choose not to set yourself up for rejection.

If a friend did to you -you wouldn't keep doing it-after all.

bagpussbear

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Did you ask her why she changed her mind so quickly? I'd be wanting to know why, when only a few minutes before she was up for it.

Exactly this ^^

I think this is a good opportunity to raise it with your mum and just say to her that it hurt your feelings when she changed her mind, and had you upset her or something. Will be interesting to gauge her reaction.

If it has been like this for sometime, I think you have a right to know what their problem is with you.

I feel for you..

meritaten

I agree with the others - all you can do is 'your best', and if others cant see that, then they have the problem not you. You offered she refused. Talk about cutting your nose off to spite your face! Your mother I mean!

azzabazza

meritaten wrote: »

I agree with the others - all you can do is 'your best', and if others cant see that, then they have the problem not you. You offered she refused. Talk about cutting your nose off to spite your face! Your mother I mean!

As per meritaten and others have said.

You will understandably be feeling hurt but try and rise above it x