Do your parents know?

midlander81

Since posting on here I am able to be much more open about my debts. Despite this I am not able to tell my parents that I am in a lot of debt.


They probably think that I owe a few grand but have absolutely no idea of the extent of it. It's strange that as a 33 year old adult, parent and school teacher I find it impossible to tell them that I have messed up financially!


I am sure that they would be supportive but nevertheless I choose to not tell them!


Do other DFW's tell their parents or keep it from them like me?

Idiophreak

My parents know, but then I suppose they've always known. I talk to them about what I'm earning, what I'm buying, how I'm paying for stuff...so they know when I'm doing better and when I'm doing worse. It's also fair to say that my debts have never reached a level where they're "a problem" as such (at least, not in my mind...other people would view it differently).

It's quite a different situation to be in, though, to find yourself in a position and have to explain it. I've never had to have "the talk", because it was always just "out there".

I guess it's a case of pros and cons. If you think them not knowing is causing you more stress than just telling them about it, it needs to get done. If you think they'd make things worse, maybe keep it to yourself til you feel differently.

Personally, I imagine I'd resolve to tell them next time it came up and leave it at that. That way I'd not have to lie, be evasive etc, but wouldn't feel like I was escalating the situation either or making a big deal.

Puzzcat

My oh knows I am in debt but not by how much, no one else knows... except all the fine folk on here of course!!

October_Starter

I know exactly how you feel. I was brought up to fear debt and for most of my life I did. Then I had an insane year and got myself into £5000.00 debt, not much to most but an awful lot to me.

I didn't want to tell my mum as I knew she would be disapproving. I had told her a number of times that I was struggling with money but I knew she didn't have any either so never accepted help. I kept thinking I had things under control and was telling her I was ok.

When I woke up to my debt, I paid off my credit card (27.9%apr) with a loan (9.9%apr). I was relieved I was sorting it out but I had read on a number of sites that part of your "healing" process was to tell people you were in debt.

I decided to bite the bullet and tell my mum. She was, as expected, disappointed and she did give me a hard time about it. She still does at times. It wasn't easy and her reactions have been hard to deal with but I would recommend everyone to talk to their parents/family/spouses. She is really supportive in my efforts to save money and better understands when I say I can't afford to do some things. Her and my aunt gave me money for my birthday which allowed me to have a small break away and even add to my savings.

It is difficult but I think it was a good decision. I don't have to lie or hide anything and I can tell her about my worries instead of bottling it all up.

October xx

Jagraf

I never told my parents, the amount would have bewildered them. They know we have struggled. No one knew except me and OH. I've always been an open person but not for this one. They are in their seventies I wouldn't burden them. Now things are better I may tell them eventually.

Funny how its something I can't even tell my friends about.

bargainbetty

I told my mum, once I had my repayment plan in place. She had helped me a couple of times when I was 'financially embarrassed' but for serious things rather than frivolities (a surcharge on my annual flat maintenance fee etc) so she knew that my budgets were somewhat tight. I'd also gone from a two person household to living alone and paying a mortgage alone.

She shook her head, said we'd be ladies who lunched on the cheap from then on, and gave me any moral support I needed, including backing me on a bit of Christmas argument about who paid for what.

Years on, debt free, and we still do lunch on the cheap. Habit now, but I treat her more often than not as my circumstances have improved.

When_the_going_gets_tough

Op what matters is why you can't tell your parents, couldn't tell your wife - not sure if you have told her the exct amount now, don't like when your friends are shocked etc. It doesn't matter what anybody thinks but it does matter what you think, that you are now honest with yourself about why you got into debt and have the confidence in dealing with it. The number of threads you have started about this issue makes me wonder ........

Deep_In_Debt

I never told my mother. My parents (my dad passed in 1998) were very good with money and my mother still is, so I felt ashamed that was so rubbish with money. My mother would not have been very understanding and quite disapproving.

However, I do know that mum would have offered to pay my debts eventually but I needed to sort this myself and learn the hard way. I never let on to mum, still never have and probably never will. It was hard but i will never get in to debt again. I've learned so much since I started on my debt free journey in 2008.

Luckily I had a lot of support from friends, many of whom were in the same situation as me or worse (and interesting that they felt they couldn't open up to their parents either), so we all supported each other and still do support.

antonic

I told my dad as soon as the proverbial hit the fan and I had started my DMP.

His response was to put his around my shoulder and say "Well done son, I am so proud of you for realising that you have a debt problem and for dealing with it".

I am now DF, which made him even prouder !

PinkPoppies

Do you feel you SHOULD tell your parents? Or feel you need to?

I don't see the problem otherwise?

As a couple we don't talk to anyone about our finances- positives or negatives. Can't say it ever really comes up. If someone (friend or family) wants us to commit to something outside of our budget we just say we can't afford it at the moment and leave it at that.

Makeachange

I haven't told mine. I don't plan on telling them until its paid off! Even then I probably wont its my business!