Difficult Decision

hazyjo

It's very easy seeing now as it'll be forever. They are only babies for a short while. It all goes so fast. Not like you can choose to do it in 5 years' time and they'll be babies still. If you want to and can tighten belts accordingly, find a way...

Jx

Kynthia

Pepperoni wrote: »

Kynthia, can totally relate to every single thing you said. Also a good point re its easier to ask for a decrease than an increase! Will you do compressed hours in four days or just reduce them properly by 1 day a week?

My commute is too long for compressed hours, so I'll ask for four normal days. If I wasn't the bigger earner I'd probably ask to shorten the four days slightly in order to get home before bedtime, as it's amazing the difference leaving 30/40 minutes earlier can make.

My situation is different as my OH wants to spend more time at home than me, so nursery will only be 1 or 2 days a week. Also I don't want to do the long commute forever and my work are making redundancies. So I might have baby number 2 and then find something nearer home. So my thoughts are that I don't have to make a decision that works ongoing as things change; whether my doing, work's doing, or due to my baby growing up. So I'll make a decision that works for now and be open to changing it when life changes.

FBaby

No-one can advise you because only you can decide what the best balance is for you. I have been back and forth deciding what is best since my children were born and in the end, I've always wished for both

I have chosen the working full-time with some variations along the line. The problem is that even when I reduced my hours, hence reducing income, I have indeed got more time with the children BUT I never saw my workload reduced, so always battled with doing it all so not to work longer hours defeating the decision to cut down. It's never really worked because it just left me exhausted and stressed, wishing for more time to do my work properly. Discussing with my boss the fact that I had reduced my hours but not the workload lead to a 'be grateful you were able to have flexible hours' and in time of restructure, I certainly didn't want to give myself a bad name.

In the end, I thought that if I was going to be tired and stressed, I might as well earn more and enjoy nicer holidays! My position now is to count the months until the mortgage is paid and I can go down to 4 days and still enjoy the luxuries!

In the end, it is so right that work will never be as important as everything else in life, but it is what it does to you that is. If it brings more stress, frustration, exhaustion and feeling that you don't have the right balance, then any luxuries won't make up for it. However, if you feel that you still work hard, still feel tired etc... working less, but you don't even have what you consider enough luxuries to make up for it, then that won't work either.

Happier_Me

Both my children are at school full time now but I have worked a mixture of 3, 4 and 5 days since they were born. We also had high childcare costs so the impact on our income was huge in the early years with two kids. I have always been the bigger earner.

I am about to drop back to four days a week having worked full time in a more senior role for the past two years.

I am an Accountant and I too worried about the impact on my career progression but if anything, I have struggled to avoid progression into more senior jobs to keep some semblance of work life balance over the years. There have been times I have worked long hours on a part time contract and times I have been more stressed whilst part time because of the pressure to be a great employee and mum. But mostly this is about how I have handled my work life balance (badly probably)

What works best for me? Four days a week now the kids are at school. And saying 'no' when the next work crisis hits or the next opportunity comes my way
(Have only just started doing this). Yes the money is great BUT I don't feel any worse off on shorter hours because we waste less money as a family.

If I could have my time again I would place much less importance on maintaining a career and spend more quality time with my kids. They are dependent on you for such a short time in reality. I regret working full time and I regret being affected by the stress of the job particularly when I have been part time. I absolutely do not regret spending more time with the kids.

Just thought I would share my experience having had to make this decision in the past.

sarahkmv

I wish you luck in whatever you decide, it's a hard decision. I went back to work and did 32 hours over 4 days (not 37 over 5 as it was). It was tiring but I negotiated a Wednesday off so it broke the week up. The deal was that I spent the day with DD not doing any housework or chores.

Doing this made it much better for me and more relaxing. We had a great day together and I knew she was well looked after.

Obviously when she started school my hours changed again.

My only advice is don't ask for a Monday off so when the Bank Hols roll around you get that extra day. Always felt like a real bonus to me!!

Hope your work is flexible and you enjoy your time with your baby.

FBaby

If I could have my time again I would place much less importance on maintaining a career and spend more quality time with my kids. They are dependent on you for such a short time in reality. I regret working full time and I regret being affected by the stress of the job particularly when I have been part time. I absolutely do not regret spending more time with the kids.

Just wanted to comment on this. I have found that you do as family fall into a vicious circle. I am pretty sure that my working life has meant that my kids have grown more independent quicker although I believe that they are probably naturally so too. I don't regret that because I think they are greatful for it as it has given them the confidence that many of their school mate lack. However, ironically, one huge priority for me was to move jobs closer to home so that I had more time with them mornings and evenings, but by the time I did, they were at an age when they mainly wanted their own quiet time in their room when they were not doing activities! I often found myseld sitting in the living room at 5pm wondering what to do! We started doing more things together, like going to play tennis, but ultimately, I also had to respect that they didn't suddenly want to spend all their spare time with me as they were turning teenagers!

My DD will be off to Uni in 3 years and that is a bit of a shock as indeed, time has gone so fast, but I think SAHM feel the same too. I also don't see my role as a parent stopping when they leave home. I plan on being as involved in their lives as an adult as they want me to.

After years of thinking of ways to still keep my job and income whilst being more present for my children, I now realise that I am back thinking more about my career and as such I am glad that I can just continue to evolve rather than starting afresh because I didn't put it on hold.

Looking back, I don't feel that I was happier or closer to my children when I worked 4 days for a short time rather full-time. What made a big difference is how happy/unhappy I was in the job. It came down to my ability to leave any thoughts of work behind when I was with them so I could give them my time and attention. Unfortunately, it hasn't always been the case as I went through so many changes in the work environment, but the best balance was when I felt fulfilled at work so I could be at home too, regardless of whether I worked full-time or part-time.

pollyanna24

I know it's such a cliche and everyone always says it, but I'm finally realising it's true, but... your kids are only little for such a short amount of time, so I would want to spend more time with them.

I have two kids, am a single mum and work part time with quite a lengthy commute. My mum minds my girls for me (they are 5 and 3) and although I desperately need the money, at the moment, I don't want to go back any more hours than I do at the moment (I do 21 hours over 3 days, but do overtime when my ex has the girls).

I love the balance of my life at the moment. I feel like I get the best of both worlds if that makes sense. When my youngest goes to full time school next September, I might think about 4 days as the money would be very handy, but I'm not sure about full time again as I don't want to miss out completely on doing the school run with them.