split up but still in same house

bigheadxx

Our relationship has been on the rocks for at least two years. Before last Christmas I said I was moving out but we went on our family holiday (kids 8 &13) in January and sort of patched it up.

However the relationship is not the same. We had a silly argument really, in July and I said I was moving out. Ever since, I have slept on the sofa, we haven't spoken at great length since but nor have we argued. We work odd shifts so we don't spend lots of time together and I work my Rota around her to have the kids.

Now I really want to buy a small flat rather than rent. We did discuss her buying me out of the House which she agreed to but I don't know if this is realistic, she could afford it on her income but would need a 25 year mortgage.

I don't know what to do now, sleeping downstairs has become the norm and moving before Christmas could be unnecessarily disruptive. I do have a few weeks off in January but I would like the wheels well in motion by then.

So do I buy or rent? Do I push for my share in the house or not?

Contessa

Another option is to go to relationship counselling.

Could save your marriage-and money!

bigheadxx

Contessa wrote: »

Another option is to go to relationship counselling.

Could save your marriage-and money!

No. We definitely want different things.

hazyjo

See a solicitor to work out a fair split (each have your own solicitor). That's presuming you are granted something out of the house and they don't just say she stays there with the kids and you continue paying...


Are you married?


Presume they're your joint kids? You'll be paying maintenance, so take that into account.


She then sees if she can actually get a mortgage on the house just in her name. It's not a case of her thinking she can afford it, she'll have to be earning X amount to meet their criteria.


You work out what you can afford once you've paid maintenance, etc. Renting may be the only way, but if you can get a mortgage, great.


Absolutely yes, get the ball rolling asap. If you carry on like this for much longer, one of you will/may meet someone and it is then that the proverbial hits the fan. Will take 3 months average to buy somewhere. Wait 'til Jan if you like, but tbh you may as well get the rest sorted before Christmas, then start looking.


Jx

bigheadxx

hazyjo wrote: »

See a solicitor to work out a fair split (each have your own solicitor). That's presuming you are granted something out of the house and they don't just say she stays there with the kids and you continue paying...


Are you married?


Presume they're your joint kids? You'll be paying maintenance, so take that into account.


She then sees if she can actually get a mortgage on the house just in her name. It's not a case of her thinking she can afford it, she'll have to be earning X amount to meet their criteria.


You work out what you can afford once you've paid maintenance, etc. Renting may be the only way, but if you can get a mortgage, great.


Absolutely yes, get the ball rolling asap. If you carry on like this for much longer, one of you will/may meet someone and it is then that the proverbial hits the fan. Will take 3 months average to buy somewhere. Wait 'til Jan if you like, but tbh you may as well get the rest sorted before Christmas, then start looking.


Jx

Due to our jobs I think we will have a joint agreement with caring for the kids so I don't envisage making maintenance payments however I see that this may be a problem as my wife gets Child Benefit paid to her?

Brallaqueen

I can't see how sleeping on the sofa is doing you any good, it is kind of the poster for being in limbo. I'm assuming the children know and or have figured out that mum and dad are not in love anymore so really,you have no reason to remain in limbo. I can't gibe legal advice except tell you to get legal advice, I just hope you sort it out soon for your sake

double_mummy

bigheadxx wrote: »

Due to our jobs I think we will have a joint agreement with caring for the kids so I don't envisage making maintenance payments however I see that this may be a problem as my wife gets Child Benefit paid to her?

yup if she gets child benefit she can claim maintenance depending on the number of kids you have depends on how much you would have to pay

FBaby

Your priority is to find out whether she could indeed get a mortgage and raise the funds to buy you out. As only she can do this, you need to ensure she has enough of you and want you out!

Unfortunately, if the above is not possible, things will get more difficult as you'll need to agree to sale the house. If she doesn't, there is only court to go to, however, what would come out of it will depend on whether you indeed have shared care, who earns more etc... Not straight forward with shared care. If she goes to a solicitor (which most likely you would both need to do), it is likely they will advise her to have full residency of the children as this could give more weight to her securing the house until your youngest is 18yo.

Assuming she can buy you out (or agrees to sale without trouble), and agrees to share care, the best way forward will be for each to claim CB for one child. That would be the fair way, but she might soon realise that she has much more to lose out financially by agreeing this and change her mind.

Slinky

My parents split up, my mother moved out and in with her sister, than moved back in again with us to stop her and her sister falling out. This dragged out over about 15 months. Eventually she finally left on New Year's Eve. That's something nice to remember every New Year............ not.

Think about what you're doing in terms of the kids and how this affects them in terms of your timing. Don't leave them with a ruined Christmas/New Year memory for the rest of their lives.