I want to help my Mum socialise!

TBagpuss

What does she want?
Is your dad willing to compromise - you say he has his hobbies and social events but that he is too tired to go our walking with your mum. Is he prepared to give up one evening of his social activities to do something of her choosing with her?
She might find it worth looking into what evening classes are available locally - if there is something she is interested in then it would give her the chance to learn a new skill, or to improve an existing one, and might also enjoy the chance to meet new people, but in a context where the primary focus was not socialising.

As she likes nature spotting - do you have any wildlife groups nearby she might join?

cats2012

Ok - reading this back I realise I didn't say much about what Mum wants - fair enough!

She does want to get out and socialise more definitely, she definitely wants to be with people rather than on her own, but she tends to just default to Dad being her only company and he's finding that very hard. He loves her to bits, they've been married over 35 years, but 24 hours a day is just too much and he thinks they should each have something of their own, which I have to say I agree with. He does spend plenty of time with her already - he only does his own thing max 2 or 3 evenings a week.

Thinking this through again after reading some responses, I think maybe confidence is an issue. She's been so family focussed for so long that it's probably quite scary the idea of just meeting random new people. So I like the idea of me trying something with her

maman

I'm sure you're asking the questions with the very best of intentions cats but I'm puzzled why your parents have involved you in all this. I'd have thought it was something for them to discuss.

cats2012

Me and my Dad are very close and he just opened up to me about how it was causing tension and he was worrying about her, so I said I'd try to help

gettingtheresometime

I know I'm going to upset a lot of WIers here but I think she would need to be careful about which branch she joined.

I went along to my local one, for the every same reason as you are asking about your Mum, and it was dire.

Don't get wrong the people were friendly and welcoming but to spend 2 1/2 hrs basically looking at someone's holiday snaps wasn't what I was looking for.

The branch a few miles from me seems to offer more of what I was looking for but obviously involves getting in the car which wasn't quite what I was intending.

(I do appreciate though that not all WI branches are the same!)

Also I found that you only had 2 free taster meetings and then had to pay the full years fee regardless of how many meetings were left in the year

belfastgirl23

It's a good thing regardless of how motivated your mum is at the minute. As people get older it gets harder to encourage them to get out more and I regret not encouraging my own mother a few years ago when she was in better health and probably had more confidence for it. Whilst she is very happy at home, if anything happened my dad she'd definitely be quite isolated. So whilst I appreciate everyone else thinking about what does she want (and that's important) It's also important to encourage her as well.

Two other options, volunteering and meetup groups. There are meetup groups for everything and my experiences with them have been positive. And if she is running her own small business she'd have a lot to bring to a charity (and there are lots of opportunities beyond working in a shop).

Good luck!

bagpussbear

I wonder if the tension is really to do with your mum not having hobbies, and more about the time she and your dad spend together at work?

I wonder if it would be worth considering your mum finding different employment. Would give her something to learn, something different to talk about of a day and hopefully make friends there and possible give her other social opportunities (drinks after work etc).

BrassicWoman

bagpussbear wrote: »

I wonder if the tension is really to do with your mum not having hobbies, and more about the time she and your dad spend together at work?

I wonder if it would be worth considering your mum finding different employment. Would give her something to learn, something different to talk about of a day and hopefully make friends there and possible give her other social opportunities (drinks after work etc).

Or dad could get himself a new job, as he is the one with the problem......

CH27

Is there anything you could do with your mum?
Join the ramblers?
Go to see shows?
Go to a spa?

kacie

What my mum and her siblings do is a kinda come dine with me, where they each go to the others home and do a 3 course meal and some entertainment, would you and your sister be willing to do something like that with your mum? Perhaps without the scoring part though so you're just having a dinner party at each others home. A chance to try new recipes and to think up new ways of entertaining each other for a night.