I want to help my Mum socialise!

cats2012

Hi guys,

My Mum & Dad run their own business and so work together all the time. Both me and my sister have now left home so they are together, on their own, all day every day.

My Dad has developed some hobbies over the last few years which get him out and about more, but Mum just hasn't. It's causing real issues as Dad feels guilty leaving her at home, plus they have nothing to ever talk about! Mum can go to some of Dad's things, but I agree with my Dad that it would be healthier for them to have their own things, if nothing else so that they just have stories to tell each other.

My Mum has always been very much Mum - working with my Dad and looking after the family - she's never been sporty or had any major hobbies. She likes going out walking and nature spotting, but also wants company and my Dad doesn't always want to go after a long week of work, which causes more tension. She's had a few local friends, but many have moved away or drifted apart.

So, for those who have been in or seen a similar situation - what can I do?! I've suggested walking groups which she wants to try, but as they're still working ones in the week aren't always possible. Any other suggestions for hobbies which are good to pick up late in life or ways to meet people?

Thanks!

lika_86

WI? (message too short, grr)

tea_lover

Does your mum actually want to do anything though? I'd be annoyed if my family were talking in this way about me.

Peter333

cats2012 wrote: »

Hi guys,

My Mum & Dad run their own business and so work together all the time. Both me and my sister have now left home so they are together, on their own, all day every day.

My Dad has developed some hobbies over the last few years which get him out and about more, but Mum just hasn't. It's causing real issues as Dad feels guilty leaving her at home, plus they have nothing to ever talk about! Mum can go to some of Dad's things, but I agree with my Dad that it would be healthier for them to have their own things, if nothing else so that they just have stories to tell each other.

My Mum has always been very much Mum - working with my Dad and looking after the family - she's never been sporty or had any major hobbies. She likes going out walking and nature spotting, but also wants company and my Dad doesn't always want to go after a long week of work, which causes more tension. She's had a few local friends, but many have moved away or drifted apart.

So, for those who have been in or seen a similar situation - what can I do?! I've suggested walking groups which she wants to try, but as they're still working ones in the week aren't always possible. Any other suggestions for hobbies which are good to pick up late in life or ways to meet people?

Thanks!

What if your mum LIKES being as she is, and doesn't want people forcing her into socialising? My wife is very very solitary, and sometimes goes for 4 hour walks around our countryside areas on her own, and she can spend lots of time on her own, and doesn't care for company at all the majority of the time. Not everyone is a social butterfly, and needs to have people around them all the time.

She has only 2 friends, and she sees them once a month, and we go to the pub together once a month (just me and her,) and that suits her. She has had numerous people asking her to join the W.I. and the Church Groups and all sorts, and she politely refuses every time.

I have several hobbies and 4 or 5 friends, and a bit more of a social life than her. But we are both very happy with it, and she knows she is always welcome to come with me if she wants to, but she doesn't. She asks me to go for walks with her occasionally, and if I want to I do, if I don't want to, then I don't. We are both happy with this situation.

Also, she only works 8-12 hours a week, and I work 30 hours a week, but just because she works very little hours, and doesn't mix much with other people (other than our family,) we still have plenty to talk about. There are so many things going on in the world, and around us all; how can your parents have NOTHING to talk about, ever?

You can't force your mum to change. She is probably happy as she is, and there is nothing worse than being bullied and harangued by people trying to make you to do things that you don't want to do.

Counting_Pennies_2

Has she looked into the ramblers association?


My local doctors surgery advertises regular group walks. A local initiative to keep everyone fit.


Is she into the arts, visiting stately homes, etc.? If so NADFAS might be of interest to her.


I wonder if it is something you can start doing with her, so she has someone to start going with and then spend a little longer in the loo so she has to speak to people and gradually build up friends. When she starts enjoying going and speaking to people gradually start easing off?

PenguinJim

You could try asking in the Gaming subforum for the best deal on a Playstation 4 or Wii U console.

Perhaps a bread maker is in order? You might be surprised how much time and effort it's possible to put into them. Out goes Dad, while Mum stays in trying to perfect that banana & kiwi loaf.

Alternatively, I bought some flying lessons for my mother (although she didn't pursue flying after they finished).

heartbreak_star

Geocaching?

HBS x

Georgiegirl256

Counting_Pennies wrote: »

Has she looked into the ramblers association?

You beat me to it! Was just going to suggest that too!

My Mam and Dad are in it. They've been in it for roughly 40 years or more, that's how they met!

My Dad used to go out on walks regularly and my Mam just now and again. But now they can't quite manage the walks anymore and just go to the social evenings which are once a week.

There are different grades of walks (A, B and C) depending on how fit you are or what you feel you can manage. Then again, like I mentioned above, you don't even have to go on the walks if you don't want to (lots don't), and can just for the social aspect. They usually have a guest speaker once a week, and parties now and again.

elsien

My 75 year old mother has joined a gym.
Please note -this is the woman who hated gyms and all things associated as a rule. But this is not a traditional gym and there is no pumping of iron or running machines or body builders posing around.

She goes in as many times a week as she feels like it, and does her half hour circuit. And has got to know other women of a similar age and outlook, so then parks herself in the coffee area for a chat for as long as she wants. It gets her out of the house, can be done any time of day although mum's group all meet in the morning, and for mum is as much a social activity as it is fitness.

For the woman who sat outside for 3/4 hour the first time she went because she was too scared to go in, and who finds it difficult to strike up conversations with new people, it's given her a new lease of life. The fitness is a bonus.
http://www.gymophobics.co.uk/

arbroath_lass

cats2012 wrote: »

Hi guys,

My Mum & Dad run their own business and so work together all the time. Both me and my sister have now left home so they are together, on their own, all day every day.

My Dad has developed some hobbies over the last few years which get him out and about more, but Mum just hasn't. It's causing real issues as Dad feels guilty leaving her at home, plus they have nothing to ever talk about! Mum can go to some of Dad's things, but I agree with my Dad that it would be healthier for them to have their own things, if nothing else so that they just have stories to tell each other.

My Mum has always been very much Mum - working with my Dad and looking after the family - she's never been sporty or had any major hobbies. She likes going out walking and nature spotting, but also wants company and my Dad doesn't always want to go after a long week of work, which causes more tension. She's had a few local friends, but many have moved away or drifted apart.

So, for those who have been in or seen a similar situation - what can I do?! I've suggested walking groups which she wants to try, but as they're still working ones in the week aren't always possible. Any other suggestions for hobbies which are good to pick up late in life or ways to meet people?

Thanks!

What does your Mum want? This seems to be all about your Dad feeling guilty not about your Mum. Does your Mum actually enjoy social situation?

That said, could you or Dad join her on a few walking trips with a group to see if she then wants to go on her own?

merlin68

I second wi much more than weekly meetings. I joined my local one and could be out every day if I was well enough, you also have trefoil guild, townswomen guild. mothers union, embroiderers guild.