hate it when people are shocked

midlander81

quantic wrote: »

You seem to have a great attitude towards it now and as you say, try to focus on the good things in life. I dare say people would happily swap problems with you for a nice family, job they love and the rest..

Thanks, that's a nice way of thinking about it! I should add that I also think I am one of the lucky ones. I have seen so many posts on here from people who are literally unable to pay the mortgage or put food on the table. I know that we are fortunate to earn decent money that allows us to pay the bills and make overpayments on our debts whilst still leaving us with some money to play with. I am sure that this would not be the case had I not had my LBM. 1, 2 years from now with no LBM and things would be so much worse.

sweetilemon

sourcrates wrote: »

I have a neighbour like that, all designer clothes, two foreign holidays a year, two cars, new house, he only has a below average wage job, she works part time, yet they spend like there's no tomorrow, can only assume its all on credit :eek:

This in itself can verge on being judgmental. People can be guilty of assuming people must be "overspending" in comparison to their estimated income. It does not occur to many they may have little travel cost, paid off their mortgage early by hard savings and/or and inheritance, be very "mse" in their lifestyle in other areas. Some colleagues or friends sometimes comment on my spending but actually the £60 new shoes might be the equivalent to my savings on my car insurance renewal quote...

Not saying they are definitely not in debt, just saying to assume people are in debt can be as judgmental as being shocked at those who are.

I am not shocked at the amount of your debt, however, would be concerned with any friend or colleague with the same amount and would want to help. I always think debt is either a personal choice, unfortunate circumstance or poor education.

Personal choice would be knowing that the £1 your earn then spend will cost, for example, £1.50 on credit. That a choice the debtor has made and has the responsibility to pay back.

Unfortunate circumstance would be someone working as hard as possible, being as savvy as possible but washing machine breakdown or other has happened when, without want of trying, cannot afford.

Poor education is unfortunately common, the assumption that debt is 'normal'.

SavannahN

For me, it's not. You probably can pay it all back within 4 or 5 years

PenguinJim

SavannahN wrote: »

For me, it's not. You probably can pay it all back within 4 or 5 years

Five years is a long, long, long, looooooooooong time to assume a person will be in work and not suffer some unexpected financial mishap, though! Five years is nearly 10% of a Scottish life! What were you doing five years ago?

Considering debt like a disease or addiction, saying "your recovery will take five years" is SHOCKING!

midlander81

PenguinJim wrote: »

Five years is a long, long, long, looooooooooong time to assume a person will be in work and not suffer some unexpected financial mishap, though! Five years is nearly 10% of a Scottish life! What were you doing five years ago?

Considering debt like a disease or addiction, saying "your recovery will take five years" is SHOCKING!

I am planning to clear it in 31 months. I am also trying to be positive about it!! There are some people on here who would love to clear their debts in 5 years.

Billy-no-Money

I had >50k debt on 50k income, built up over most of my adult life with a bit of a boost from a divorce. Nobody knew, and my lifestyle wasn't lavish - no new cars, a foreign holiday every year or two but nowhere exotic, modest taste in clothing and furnishings etc.

That was definitely too much debt, and while it was pretty stable in the three or four years prior to my LBM (in 2007) it wasn't going down.

I only got away with it because I had the LBM and also at that time it seemed to become OK to own up to debt (even if I never told anyone how bad it was!). It was around the same time that people like us swallowed our pride and started shopping in Lidl and Aldi - and we haven't looked back.

I liked what another poster said - people can be shocked without being judgemental. I know among my colleagues I was seen as a steady, sensible person and they were shocked to hear that I'd got into that position - and several others admitted the same thing.

As for how it's possible to get into debt on a high income - as someone else has said, it's easy to get lulled into thinking you've got plenty of money so don't need to plan. £100 here, £50 there, maybe a meal out - it soon adds up. I know after my LBM I watched and planned every penny, and it was the key to getting under control. That happened surprisingly easily because I had the good fortune to keep my job throughout, but it could so easily have gone wrong.

The hardest thing for me now is adjusting to having so much disposable income without wasting it. It would be too easy to fall into old habits, but I'm older now and with early retirement being a realistic possibility on my now-accustomed frugal lifestyle it's a big incentive!

catshark88

Great post Money Mash.

To me, not being judgemental and being shocked at a "large" debt are perfectly compatible.

I may be surprised that someone has run up a debt, be shocked in that I am also concerned that they may be having a bad time baca use of it, but that doesn't mean I think they are "bad" or any other negative term for running it up. How could I make that judgement, when I know nothing of their situation, their reasons etc.

Walk a mile in the other man's shoes and all that.

[Deleted User]

I would say, from experience, it doesn't really matter what people think, what matters is that you are dealing with your debts and that as you do so life is becoming more manageable.

At their peak my personal debts were in the region of £60,000 and I was in my late 20s on a £33k salary. No one knows the extent of my debts over the years, not my now-husband or my family, who are all close to me. I now owe £14k and have paid back every penny without defaults through taking on extra jobs and cutting down. Since I was 20, debt has been a huge source of shame for me and a massive pre-occupation, I've wasted so much time worrying about it and I've burned out from all the extra work and worry many a time. Time which I'll never get back but I've learned and I'm better for it. I hope to be debt free by august next year and I will be more proud that I dealt with my debts than ashamed that I had them.

We get into debt for lots of reasons, we make mistakes, again and again. But no matter the size of your debt you're not alone and though some people may be shocked at what you owe, what matters is that you are dealing with it. Every little thing counts, it can feel like you're never making progress but eventually the numbers start to come down and you see you're making a dent in what you owe.

I don't think you need others approval or disapproval, so long as you know you really are doing your very best to bring down your debts and make life easier then that's reason enough to be proud. Good luck to you, keep on going x

PinkPoppies

Noodlenoo1 wrote: »

We get into debt for lots of reasons, we make mistakes, again and again. But no matter the size of your debt you're not alone and though some people may be shocked at what you owe, what matters is that you are dealing with it.

Totally agree with this. Sadly having a higher salary doesn't come with an automatic ability to spend it wisely, or make you somehow immune to making mistakes!

poppasmurf_bewdley

I've always believed there are two sorts of debt.

Firstly, there are the debts that you incur as part of normal life - mortgage, or buying a car, and maybe a hire purchase or two. Maybe also a credit card with a small amount that can easily be cleared.

Then the other sort of debt, which is caused by living beyond your means or wanting a life style that you cannot afford. These debts would include multiple credit cards debts running into the thousands, store cards being used for things that are not necessary but are 'what you want'. Holidays abroad that are not being paid for upfront or having to put the weekly shop on the plastic.

Then you have to decide if your debts could be easily cleared with just a little thought and care. Or are your debts being managed because you are 'just managing' to make minimum payments month after month, and would you be crippled if there was an emergency such as the central heating boiler needing replacing or the car needed a new engine.

If your debts are of the first kind in both my examples above, then you probably don't have anything to fear. But if your debts fall into the second type I've outlined, then you need to take drastic action.

To my mind, anyone with an income of £70k should have at least £10k available instantly from their own resources to take care of almost anything that may arise. If you haven't, then you are way overcommitted.