ex wife wants more money following court order

RuthnJasper

tomtilly wrote: »

How very judgemental some people are, thank you to those who tried to see a more balanced view.
My husband went to court because his ex wife wanted everything, he didnt pay csa rate because his wife settled for less in return for the house and a bigger portion of his pension.
All of the older children are away at university and she gives them no finacial support because "she cant afford it".
Now she wants more money but he wont be able to claim back a portion of the house or his pension I presume.
Its called having your cake and eating it
plenty of students get no help at all from any parents, but he wanted to be supportive to all his children. His eldest child is on his 6th year at university. He pays each of them a significant amount of money each month
It is a shame that when you go on a forum asking for advice you get presumptions and crticism, but thank you once again to those who tried to help

For what it's worth, I think that it is great that this man is willing to support his children, including those over 18. A friend of mine is divorced from a very wealthy and deeply unpleasant man. She has almost nothing and is now looking to sell her house and become a lodger so that her youngest son can complete his medical degree. The father has never paid a penny - and not a single hint of support for their daughters' recent weddings either.

Any hint that this man might like to assist in some small way, as he could very easily afford to, is met with scorn and derision.

It's nice to hear that the OP's OH is honouring his responsibilities.

Good luck Tomtilly; hope all works out for the best. x

Caz3121

tomtilly wrote: »

My husband went to court because his ex wife wanted everything, he didnt pay csa rate because his wife settled for less in return for the house and a bigger portion of his pension.

It is very unfair and probably not that uncommon, the fact that either party can involve CSA after the 12 month period is probably something his ex's lawyer made her aware of..."we will ask for a smaller amount of maintenance to get a bigger share of the assets but don't worry, after 12 months you can get this increased by going to CSA"
Did your husbands legal representative advise him that this may happen?

Voyager2002

Perhaps I am missing something here...

Surely letting the ex-wife have an unusually large share of the house and pension pot was a benefit for her, while child maintenance is for his youngest daughter. So an agreement to pay reduced child maintenance in return for capital assets could hardly have been legitimate.

Anyway, the decision to involve the CSA means that the father of the student children will have less money than expected, while their mother will have more. That means that a larger share of their support will have to be paid by their mother.

One minor point: I understand that the CSA now charge for their 'service'. Rather than paying this charge, it would be far more sensible to use their formula; work out the amount that they would assess, and simply pay it directly.

princeofpounds

I remember my univeristy days - the biggest scammers were the adult children of divorced parents. They would sign up under the poorest parent, get all the support, and receive under-the-table cash from the rucher parent.

Obviously that has nothing to do with your situation... but I was reminded of it bizarrely.

Anyway. If I understand you, the following situation is the case:

- Your husband contributes an amount towards the youngest child which is below the CSA rate. (Otherwise the mother would have no purpose in calling in CSA).

- However, he contributes more to the adult children, to a total amount greater than CSA. (Otherwise you wouldn't be calling it generous).

- Remember people may get a bit confused by those two previous points, reconciling 'generous' and 'less than CSA'.

- Don't be too angry at the mother for asking for more money. She is getting less than she 'should' for the minor child.

- However, the solution of spending slightly less on the adult children to increase the contribution to the minor child is relatively elegant, if a bit tough on the adult children (give them some forward notice to adjust budgets!). The natural thing to do would be to tell them to ask their mother for more support if needed, but that probably just opens a whole load of disputes.

- I will note that parental funding at university is very valuable, especially in these days where the costs (esp. rent and fees) are shot through the roof.

- Only you and your husband know if the total amount you pay is fair to your own budget.

he didnt pay csa rate because his wife settled for less in return for the house and a bigger portion of his pension.

It's hard to comment on this deal without genuine information, it does not appear to me to have been a wise compromise to make, if that is the truth of it.

shoe*diva79

I think that tyhe adult children at uni will have to start supporting themselves with any grants they are entitled to (as a previous poster has said, they are probably entitled to quite a bit) and get a part time job if they still need more. Of course, if your husband can afford to give any extra after his CSA obligation then thats a benefit for them.

patanne

Just a suggestion here but hope it is practical and may well be affected by the relationship the siblings have with one another.

The eldest must be near completion of their course so continue to fund that and whatever CSA decide the youngest is due. As for the middle 2, suggest they go the loan route for whatever shortfall there will be and that he will help with the repayment & increase their help as the eldest no longer needs help. Providing they have not be brainwashed into how awful their father is, they are intelligent people, and should understand the reasons and necessity for his actions

DUTR

RuthnJasper wrote: »

For what it's worth, I think that it is great that this man is willing to support his children, including those over 18. A friend of mine is divorced from a very wealthy and deeply unpleasant man. She has almost nothing and is now looking to sell her house and become a lodger so that her youngest son can complete his medical degree. The father has never paid a penny - and not a single hint of support for their daughters' recent weddings either.

Any hint that this man might like to assist in some small way, as he could very easily afford to, is met with scorn and derision.

It's nice to hear that the OP's OH is honouring his responsibilities.

Good luck Tomtilly; hope all works out for the best. x

Help me out here.... as the highlighted bits seems to suggest that the family were just seeing the donor as a cash cow?
Why has the PWC got nothing?

tomtilly

Thank you for all your comments, I think as other posters have said that court order system is flawed and my husband probably wasnt fully advised.
The csa rate is 15%for is youngest child.
In total my husband gives 30% of his salary away to all his children.his ex wife gets 10% and the other 3 university children 20 % between them. This is what they said they needed. We simply can not afford any more
His children have students loans but no grants as there mother is a high earner, but cant afford to help. She encourages them to have high expectations.
At the time of the divorce there was alot of emotional manipulation going on by the children.
I do think my husband has lost out, my one light at the end of the tunnel is there is only one child she can now use and that wont last forever, mean while he can hold his head up as having done right for his children

FBaby

I do think my husband has lost out,

To be fair, it is the case in almost all separations that involves children. One lose out, but get on with it for the benefit of the children. My ex gets to benefit from a close relationship with our children, see them weekly, and they love him deeply. A lot of it is because I always ensured this was the case as I know that it was important for my children to have a close relationship with their father. He hasn't paid a penny towards them for over 5 years (he really only pays regularly for one year after we separated 10 years ago). I even pay for their transport to go and see him.

I can definitely say that I have lost out financially in the arrangement, but that's what being a parent is all about, we make sacrifices, even worse, sacrifices with no garantee returns! Some parents just seem to have missed that part of the deal!!

shoe*diva79

tomtilly wrote: »

Thank you for all your comments, I think as other posters have said that court order system is flawed and my husband probably wasnt fully advised.
The csa rate is 15%for is youngest child.
In total my husband gives 30% of his salary away to all his children.his ex wife gets 10% and the other 3 university children 20 % between them. This is what they said they needed. We simply can not afford any more
His children have students loans but no grants as there mother is a high earner, but cant afford to help. She encourages them to have high expectations.
At the time of the divorce there was alot of emotional manipulation going on by the children.
I do think my husband has lost out, my one light at the end of the tunnel is there is only one child she can now use and that wont last forever, mean while he can hold his head up as having done right for his children

its not 15% for one child if this will be a new case to the CSA. I cant find the figure (only calculators) but the % is now based on GROSS income (15% was based on NET income). Best thing is to run your hubands details through the online calc to get an idea how much the CSA will expect him to pay.