How to find someones birth mother?

PrincessPlaty

My apologies if that was the way it came across, I certainly didn't mean it in that way at all.

There is no way I could even begin to contemplate being the one to tell her this news. I fully believe that this needs to be given to her by a professional who is fully trained to deal with the situation.

I haven't even been able to come to terms with the grief of losing one of closest friends as yet there is no way I could handle telling his own mother.

As I said to them I fully understand if she has moved on with her life and doesn't want to know that she may have a family that don't know about her past but I wanted to make sure that information was available to her if she wanted it.

pollypenny

Your friend did not want to find his birth mother. Just respect his wishes.

If ever she wants to trace her son, through the proper channels, she will learn of his sad death at an early age.

PrincessPlaty

Which is exactly what I have done.

I have respected his wishes and I have contacted the correct people so that should she want to trace her son either now or in the future she will be able to have the facts available to her.

I have not attempted to contact her myself, I have not even attempted to search for her on facebook. I was doing everything via the correct channels.

I am really sorry if the way I wrote it did not come across that way.

As I stated he was one of my closest friends and I would never ever go against his wishes I just wanted that information to be available to her if she was ever to look for it. After all she did give birth to him.

whitewing

Yes, and he was only 28 - he may have changed his mind about looking for his mother in the future. Who knows.

Errata

PrincessPlaty wrote: »

Nice to see that the keyboard warriors are still out in force on here *rolls eyes*.

I have spoken to the local authority adoption team this morning and given them the information about my friends death. I didn't volunteer the information I had found about his mother until the point that they said they may have trouble in locating her from just his details.

I then gave her the information that I had found and she said that it would make it much easier to locate her.

So therefore the information was needed.

As I said in my original post as his mother whether she willingly abandoned him as a baby or not she has a right to know what has happened to her son.

This seems a bit odd, why would the adoption team want to locate the mother? Wouldn't they simply ensure that the info you gave them is placed in your friend's adoption file (if he was officially adopted) so that the mother can access it if she wants to at some point in the future, if that's legally possible.

PrincessPlaty

Errata wrote: »

This seems a bit odd, why would the adoption team want to locate the mother? Wouldn't they simply ensure that the info you gave them is placed in your friend's adoption file (if he was officially adopted) so that the mother can access it if she wants to at some point in the future, if that's legally possible.

I don't know I took it as this would be helpful for them to locate his adoption file under the correct local authority rather than them trying to physically locate her?

Surely they wouldn't go out of their way to find someone to tell them the child they gave up 28 years ago had passed away.... :eek:

cavework

Quote
I know where he was born, his date of birth and who is adoptive family were (again they have sided with blood relatives and had not had anything to do with him for years). I have managed to find out his mothers surname as it was at the time of his birth.


I am a bit confused ?
You say the adoptive family have 'sided 'with blood relatives?
Was your friend still in contact with 'blood' relatives after he was adopted for most of his life?
Did he ever obtain his original birth certificate?


Quote
When he was alive he made no effort to find or try and contact her, he didn't want to know the answers and the family cut her out of their lives many years ago, but that doesn't say to me that she never tried to find him and she could still be looking for him now.


This says it all .. respect your friends wishes.. he felt no need to find his birth mother, she was not part of his life .
If his mother had truly wanted contact she would have made attempts years earlier when he became 18.
For all you know he could have been the result of a rape
What is done is done.
Just remember the person he was and be very proud that you were a true friend to him
TC
xx