Can School Charge for Lost Books

tomtontom

justontime wrote: »

No, I know he hasn't received any post from school as I have the only key to the wall mounted post box. He left after A Levels so there may have been a school reminder prior to that but there has been no communication since June.

'When he has calmed down' - if only it was that simple! He feels unreasonably accused of something he hasn't done. He may calm down eventually but as soon as the subject is mentioned again we will be back to his present state of high anxiety.

Then this will be a good learning experience for him. This will not be the last time where he has to deal with (what appears to be) someone else's mistake, it's all part of being an adult, so he is going to need to give you sufficient information for you to reply to the school.

I'm not doubting that this is a stressful situation for someone with Aspergers, but he does need to learn to deal with these things.

peachyprice

justontime wrote: »

Today a letter addressed to me and my husband arrived from the school claiming that my son had failed to return two text books and he has ignored previous correspondence

The letter didn't actually say they's sent previous letters then. Is it possible they send him emails to his school email address, this is what they do at my daughters school.

meritaten

tomtontom wrote: »

Then this will be a good learning experience for him. This will not be the last time where he has to deal with (what appears to be) someone else's mistake, it's all part of being an adult, so he is going to need to give you sufficient information for you to reply to the school.

I'm not doubting that this is a stressful situation for someone with Aspergers, but he does need to learn to deal with these things.

I don't mean to be rude - but you obviously don't understand how people with Aspergers react. if he is anything like my grandson (or my son who also has Aspergers), he wont 'learn' from this. He will react the same way every time he is accused of something he hasn't done (or rather has done that someone says he hasn't).
and if he states that he returned the books - he returned the books.

justontime

tomtontom wrote: »

Then this will be a good learning experience for him. This will not be the last time where he has to deal with (what appears to be) someone else's mistake, it's all part of being an adult, so he is going to need to give you sufficient information for you to reply to the school.

I'm not doubting that this is a stressful situation for someone with Aspergers, but he does need to learn to deal with these things.

He has spent the last almost 20 years learning to deal with 'normal' life and I'm fairly sure that if he lives to be 90 it will still be a work in progress! Going to university is a huge adjustment for him and it is not surprising that is on a 'stress overload' at the moment. He is not deliberately being difficult, he tries incredibly hard to cope. This is not awkwardness or bad behaviour it is part of his disability. He is an adult, he just needs a bit more help than some other people would.

I'm not going to be able to get any more info from him before I respond to the school. What I need to know is if they can force me to pay.

j.e.j.

tomtontom wrote: »

Then this will be a good learning experience for him. This will not be the last time where he has to deal with (what appears to be) someone else's mistake, it's all part of being an adult, so he is going to need to give you sufficient information for you to reply to the school.

I'm not doubting that this is a stressful situation for someone with Aspergers, but he does need to learn to deal with these things.

meritaten wrote: »

I don't mean to be rude - but you obviously don't understand how people with Aspergers react. if he is anything like my grandson (or my son who also has Aspergers), he wont 'learn' from this. He will react the same way every time he is accused of something he hasn't done (or rather has done that someone says he hasn't).

I see both sides of this. The boy (well, man!) has a disability that means his brain is wired a little differently to the 'norm', but (genuine question, not being funny), how on earth is he going to get through life if he gets hysterical over something so trivial? He is either going to have to learn to cope better with things, or he is never going to get a job/partner/etc

kingfisherblue

j.e.j. wrote: »

I see both sides of this. The boy (well, man!) has a disability that means his brain is wired a little differently to the 'norm', but (genuine question, not being funny), how on earth is he going to get through life if he gets hysterical over something so trivial? He is either going to have to learn to cope better with things, or he is never going to get a job/partner/etc

It might be trivial to you. It isn't trivial to the lad though.

j.e.j.

justontime wrote: »

I'm not going to be able to get any more info from him before I respond to the school. What I need to know is if they can force me to pay.

You're going round in circles. You need to get it from him that he's returned the books (and to whom) in order to be able to deal with the school.

theoretica

j.e.j. wrote: »

I see both sides of this. The boy (well, man!) has a disability that means his brain is wired a little differently to the 'norm', but (genuine question, not being funny), how on earth is he going to get through life if he gets hysterical over something so trivial? He is either going to have to learn to cope better with things, or he is never going to get a job/partner/etc

Ouch. A huge problem people in this situation face is an assumption that if they can get better/be normal if they just try a little harder. Having problems living a normal life is why this is a disability.

j.e.j.

kingfisherblue wrote: »

It might be trivial to you. It isn't trivial to the lad though.

Granted, but the question still stands. You can't go through life over-reacting to small things (though some people do, I know!)

How on earth does he cope at university? What happens if the lecturer were to erroneously tell him he hasn't received the lad's work? Does mum have to step in then, too?

justontime

j.e.j. wrote: »

I see both sides of this. The boy (well, man!) has a disability that means his brain is wired a little differently to the 'norm', but (genuine question, not being funny), how on earth is he going to get through life if he gets hysterical over something so trivial? He is either going to have to learn to cope better with things, or he is never going to get a job/partner/etc

He may never get those things (but many do). It is not a question of telling him to 'man up' autism is a lifelong condition, he will not get better. He tries very hard to be 'normal' but he will always need help with certain aspects of life. You would not suggest that someone with a physical disability should get over it so why do you show such lack of understanding towards someone with a developmental disorder.