Advice please

nicki2025

I live with my partner, we have a mortgage and 2 children. He hasn't worked in 2 years and is unwilling to work. He also does nothing in the house, I live the life of a single mother but with the stress and expense of him. He has never contributed to the mortgage payments or any other bills. He did stay at home to look after the kids when they were small but this was limited to making sure they were fed and clean but did nothing with them. For 7 years now he hasn't lifed a finger. Our relationship is breaking down and I want to split up. the children are not getting on with their dad either. If he leaves he has no money, no job, no friends and will be homeless. If I go I have the expense of paying all the bills of my current home plus wherever I end up which I cannot afford. Does anyone know what my rights are and what his are or can you offer any advice as to how I can leave him but ensure he has a roof over his head.

When_the_going_gets_tough

I think you need legal advice unless your prtner is willing to move out. Is the property in joint names - as if so he could be entitled to half the equity - so you might have to buy him out. For the future, he would need to find a property that would accept someone on housing benefit, pay the deposit and the first months rent, apply for housing benefit and apply for JSA, then sign on and look for work regularly. It is not easy to find accomodation when on benefits, so his choice would probably be very limited. If he is under 35 he would only be entitled to the shared room rate - that means the rent in a shared house. The maximum HB he could claim is limited. Finding a room in a shared house might be the best way to go. Either way it is likely to be a very rude awakening for him. If you do have to buy him out then any capital he has will reduce his entitlement to benefit.

nicki2025

Thank you for the info. The mortgage is in joint names but there is no equity in the property, more likely negative equity. Feels like a nightmare at the moment, wish we had never bought the house!

When_the_going_gets_tough

Do you want to stay in the house? If its not actually in negative equity you could sell up and each of you go your separate ways and you could consider renting for a while. Once on your own you could look into any benefits you might be entitled to - if you work there is the possibility of tax credits - it all depends on your earnings, number of children etc. The entitled to website has a ggoood benefit checking facility.

pinkshoes

Tell him to get a job or move out as you have had enough!

It is ultimatum time...!

I assume this guy does have some good points given you chose to have kids together? Do these points still exist?

Beckyy

nicki2025 wrote: »

but ensure he has a roof over his head.

You're not his mother, and he is perfectly capable of doing this himself. Whilst I would agree it's nicer to help him look at options and where to go, he isn't your responsibility.

Have you broached the subject at all recently, or in the past?

I would seek some legal advice about where you stand first, get your house valued and look at giving him an ultimatum which you need to stick to. It won't be easy but it sounds like you will be a happier person and mum without him. Best of luck

FBaby

pinkshoes wrote: »

Tell him to get a job or move out as you have had enough!

It is ultimatum time...!

I assume this guy does have some good points given you chose to have kids together? Do these points still exist?

Funny how the same situation is seen so differently depending on the sex of the person in question. How many men come posting here complaining of the same thing, but the idea that a man could insist on his wife getting a job when she is a sahm would spark outroar.

Funny also how it is accepted that many women have given up their career to support their husband's one and that is the rationale used to get spousal maintenance and it is never considered that maybe the wife never wanted a job even when the husband made it clear they thought that would be for the best!

HPoirot

Sounds rather obvious, but has he been checked for depression?

BigAunty

Shelter has a relationship breakdown section that explains rights and options.

It also has a homelessness section where you will find (if he is in England) that he won't qualify as a high priority (if he has no dependents or disabilities) and so the council won't have to provide any accommodation.

As a jointly owned property, he has the right to take up occupation in it.

You might be able to secure an occupation order through the courts that gives you the right to live in the property until the youngest turns 18 so consult a solicitor about whether this is feasible or not.

Are you in the financial position to lend/gift him a deposit/first month's rent?

Does he even want to leave or would be likely to go (probably not as he's had it so easy there)?

Do you have a good relationship with his friends or family, someone who might offer him a room in their property for him to move to so he can 'find his feet'?

Are you in the financial position to take over the mortgage in your sole name? This means checking with lenders if you earn enough according to the income/loan ratios that they use.

I believe that lone parents who move out of the former family home can qualify for housing benefit for a rental property but you'd need to check on the benefit forum if this is the case or if the property has to be up for sale in order to qualify for HB (and a sale requires the consent of the other owner. If they refuse to sell, you need to get a court order to force the sale).

The Turn2us online benefit calculator will give you an idea of your benefit entitlements as a lone parent.

There is a lady on this forum who has been told that they can claim benefits as if they are a lone parent even though their ex refuses to leave the family home - worth checking if this is the case on the benefit forum.

DomRavioli

Time for a frank conversation with him OP, and I don't blame you. He sounds like a lazy arrogant idiot.

Get rid of it, sell the house (if you want to, or can't come to an arrangement), and start afresh without that dead weight around your neck.

Just don't sugar the pill, he sounds like he needs a rather large kick up the bottom.

j.e.j.

nicki2025 wrote: »

Does anyone know what my rights are and what his are or can you offer any advice as to how I can leave him but ensure he has a roof over his head.

You'd probably need to force a sale of the house, I am not sure. You could try asking over on the Housing board? I gather you and he are not married, so he might not have as much legal protection as he would if you were husband and wife.

By the sounds of things, though, you are not willing to do that because you feel some responsibility towards him. My friend is in a similar situation - a few years ago she finally left her lazy husband (like you she was working full time, and also cooking/cleaning the house when she got home while he just sat home and read his books all day) but despite her solicitor advising her to sell the house and move on, she hasn't got the heart to kick him out.

Just don't do what she's ended up doing, ie moving out and still paying the mortgage and bills on the old house, which he's still occupying!