Mum's dog bit my LO

Pollycat

Solsol wrote: »

I have told her I won't be taking LO there anymore but I'm also now getting grief from my siblings for not helping with mum while she's ill! I can't win whatever I do and I don't think it's fair that I have to leave my son with someone else while I go and help her if she's not prepared to leave her dog with someone else for a while! I already have to leave him for three days a week to go to work so I don't like to do it any more than that

Trying not to come across as petty or anything but this whole thing has just infuriated me!

I don't think you're coming across as petty at all.

I would be clear with your Mum that your son will not be going to her house until she is well enough to ensure the dog is kept out of the way.

If that causes an issue between your siblings, I'd just tell them 'Tough! It's my son and I'm not willing to risk him being bitten again'.
Tell them the ball is in your Mum's court. She can either manage without your help or do something with this dog.

I would not compromise on this.

Solsol

Thanks for all the replies btw my family had left me feeling like I was over-reacting but feel a bit more assured that I'm not!

krlyr

j.e.j. wrote: »

Oh dear I can see this thread turning into World War 3 between the dog lovers (who will think poor doggy can't POSSIBLY be to blame) and the rest of us who think your mum should be protecting her grandchldren from the temperamental mutt.

I would be furious too if it were my child, and I'm afraid I'd have to tell her.

Well done for tarring everyone with the same brush.

As a 'dog lover' myself, I do not think it's fine that the dog has bitten a child. I wouldn't blame the dog though - it has not bitten to be malicious, it's a dog known to have issues with children (whatever the reason - e.g. it could be fearful of children due to poor socialisation or a bad experience in the past) that was put into a situation where it could bite. I am perfectly capable of loving dogs yet thinking both trains of thought - it is not the dog to blame, but the owner who should have protected both child and dog (dogs bite for a reason - dog has been put in a situation it has not liked, too)


I am in two minds here. A dog biting someone isn't a good thing, no. However, the trigger is clear (children), and the owner has no young children herself. She's entitled to own a dog with issues, she's just under the responsibility to manage those issues.

I would not be giving the ultimatum of rehoming the dog, I don't feel that is your decision to make. I would, however, put my foot down about visiting if the dog is not under strict control. There must be multiple failsafes in place, or children are not taken into the house.

The dog, for example, could be crate trained and then kept in a crate, behind a shut door, with a babygate across that door. The chances of the dog escaping the crate (you could stick a padlock on to secure it further), opening a closed door (could be locked or secured with child-proof fittings) AND a babygate are very, very slim. Other alternatives, e.g. an outdoor kennel, taking the dog to a neighbour or friend, keeping the dog tethered and muzzled (wouldn't recommend for long periods of time - and MUST be a basket muzzle, not a fabric muzzle) or similar could be investigated.

My dogs don't have any known issues with kids, but I would not have them loose and interacting with any visiting children. When we've been at a relative's, or when we were in a holidy cottage with visiting children, the dogs have been on-lead and either shut in another room, or tethered with me monitoring them the entire time. With dogs of my size/strength, that haven't really met young kids in their lives, it's just not worth it - even just them jumping up playfully could hurt a small child. However, I'm not going to rehome my dogs who may see a small child a couple of times a year, especially as I don't intend to have kids myself!

Just because your mum's dog has issues with children in the home, doesn't mean it's a horribly aggressive dog that needs to be put to sleep. It just has a trigger for issues - like mine are reactive to other dogs - which can be managed. 99% of the time, the dog may be as safe as any other dog. Obviously if the issues extend to children outside of the home, your mum needs to ensure precautions are taken in public - dog on-lead and/or muzzled, for example, but again, an issue like that can be managed without anyone coming to any harm.

Georgiegirl256

I'm failing to understand why the dog wasn't just shut away like it usually was?

I hate dangerous aggressive dogs to be around children, and it does appear that your Mum has chosen the dog over her grandchildren but at the end of the day, it is her pet and she does appear to have a compromise by locking it away in the spare room. Why has this now stopped? Surely that's the obvious solution?

thorsoak

I can understand where you are coming from, OP - and I do understand your mum's position, although I don't condone it. I'm a dog owner and grandparent and have, in the past, owned dogs whose temperament was decidely "dodgy". The safety of our grandchildren - and all other children who might visit - was paramount and these two dogs were always firmly locked away whenever we knew we would be having visitors.

We made the decision to rehome them, but we were very frank about the temperament problems and would not let them go to any home where they might be a danger to children and eventually, sadly, we made the difficult decision that there was only one way that we could ensure that they were not passed from hand to hand, nor be a danger to any child. We had bred them, and we were the people who took them to the vets, who sat with them whilst they were sent on their last journey.

We loved them, we set them free - and freed ourselves of the worry of what might happen. That's what we did - and what I would do again. I certainly would not advise that your mum should give the dog away - that way leads to more danger.

BrassicWoman

notanewuser wrote: »

The dog should be put down having now bitten 2 children.

I wouldn't be going back there until the dog was gone.

I agree. Surely your kid matters more?!

Solsol

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I'm failing to understand why the dog wasn't just shut away like it usually was?

I hate dangerous aggressive dogs to be around children, and it does appear that your Mum has chosen the dog over her grandchildren but at the end of the day, it is her pet and she does appear to have a compromise by locking it away in the spare room. Why has this now stopped? Surely that's the obvious solution?

I don't know why the dog wasn't locked away like usual - I think it was because like I've said my mum is quite ill at the moment and obviously was physically unable to do this herself. Like I have said in previous posts, I had no idea how dangerous this dog is as I was unaware of the previous attacks on other children otherwise I would have locked it away myself.

The thing about my mum is that she doesn't like to admit that she needs help which is probably why she didn't ask me to do it when I arrived.

If I could have done something to prevent this then I would have but sadly, it seems like this has happened because my mum was too proud to admit that she wasn't well enough to lock the dog away. Maybe she's scared that the dogs will be taken away if she admits she can't look after them properly?

Tigsteroonie

Okay so you didn't know the dog could be aggressive as it was always shut away, until this one time when it wasn't and unfortunately it has bitten your child.

Now that you know could you not in future go into your Mum's house first (leaving the child briefly in the car), secure the dog into a shut room on behalf of your Mum, and then bring your child(ren) in?

Separate the annoyance at having found out that this has happened before, from the practicalities of how you can continue contact with your Mum.

Solsol

I would possibly consider that if she gets approriate restraints put in place. When I say she locks the dog away, it is actually a piece of card wedged into the door because the door doesn't actually close properly.

I just don't feel comfortable there and it was distressing my son hearing the dog trying to escape from the room.

I just don't want him there at all now if I'm honest

krlyr

Do you know the situation behind the previous bites? Could it be a similar situation - your mum unable to prevent it due to illness, or similar?

I would be thinking about this from every angle. I imagine your mum rehoming or having her dog put down right now might be particularly upsetting if she's struggling with ill health. Having to rely on others to help her may be affecting her more than she likes to admit, especially if you think she's not asking for help because of her pride.

How willing are you and your siblings to help with this? Could you afford to have a dog behaviourist in to assess the situation? Hearing from a professional on how serious the issue could be may well help your mum to accept her responsibility in preventing problems, and may also help your siblings realise why you have reacted the way you have to your LO being bitten.

If you go down that route, please use a behaviourist through an organisation like the APBC, where the behaviourist has agreed to use fair, modern methods. The last thing a dog with aggression issues needs is someone who will use outdated methods like shock collars, rattle discs, etc. to scare the dog into behaving (can worsen a fearful, and lead to unpredictable behaviour as the cause of the aggressive behaviour has not been resolved, just surpressed) - http://www.apbc.org.uk

If money is an issue, check if the dog is insured - many policies cover behaviourist costs. You can also help with low cost management solutions - babygates are often given away on Freecycle or sold cheaply on eBay, this will solve the issue of the door not shutting properly. Ditto to crates - though a dog cannot just be shut in a crate, it needs to be introduced properly.