Choosing bridesmaids... Fiance's family

alice_kate_2

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lazer

It seems to be the done thing these days to have OH's sisters as bridesmaids, however its not something I agree with.


The bridesmaid are there to support the bride, so it depends on your relationship with "Sarah" - are your good friends with her, would you be comfortable out bridesmaid dress shopping with her, organising your hen night, helping you into your dress etc?


My OH didn't have sisters, so my bridesmaid were close friends of mine, and I loved the build up to the wedding with them, wasn't afraid of saying the wrong thing etc

wishus

Ah, because you said "I don't know", she's probably just trying to help. It sounds as though you get on, so there probably wouldn't be any fallout if you 'changed your mind'... just explain that you aren't having any apart from your friend as matron of honour. Maybe tell MIL that you can't budget for it.
Or maybe do have the SIL as bridesmaid, because you do like her.
It's hard enough for a couple to decide what they want between them, and MIL knows this and will try to help because she wants you both to have a lovely day (and maybe feel a bit of pride for her part in it), so if she offers further advice just say, don't worry, its all in hand.

JimmyTheWig

I'd say that bridemaids are people who the bride wants while best man and ushers are people who the groom wants.
If you are close to Sarah and get on well then by all means ask her. But don't feel you should ask her because she is OH's sister.

I've been to two weddings in recent years where the best "man" has been a woman - in both cases, as it hapens, the groom's sister. If Sarah is important enough to your OH then maybe he should ask her to be his best man.

I know that we don't give to receive, but if the boot was on the other foot, do you think that Sarah would ask you to be her bridesmaid?

ruby_eskimo

I'm just having a maid of honor and no other bridesmaids. OH does have a sister and we were friends years before I met OH but I'm not having her as a bridesmaid. Their mum did try to push it and I just stood firm and said no. I don't have many close female friends and I don't see why I should have people that don't mean as much to me as my best friend does "supporting" me through a pretty important day.

I would do what you want to do. That's something that is important when planning a wedding. Yes, you can be considerate of other's feelings but ultimately it's about the two of you. If you don't want her to be bridesmaid then maybe have her do a reading or something instead?

OH's sister is actually getting married a couple of months before us and their mum was pushing her to have me as a bridesmaid in her wedding. I knew she was in a difficult position since we aren't that close anymore so I just offered to help her decorate the venue.

fairy_lights

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

I've been to two weddings in recent years where the best "man" has been a woman - in both cases, as it hapens, the groom's sister. If Sarah is important enough to your OH then maybe he should ask her to be his best man.

This is a good point, the OH's sister can still have a role in the wedding even if not a Bridesmaid, she could be an usher, grooms person etc.


If me and my OH got married I don't think I would want his sister as my bridesmaid. We get along fine but given the choice there are friends I would much rather have around me.

ognum

Is totally agree that this is your wedding and you should choose who you wish I would just say that it is also your marriage.

Marriage is about the attempt to blend two families into one and having your future sister in law as a bridesmaid could be the start of a great new relationship with your future sister in law.

Just my thought.

alice_kate_2

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Ruby_Roo

I'm fortunate that OH hasn't got any siblings so I haven't felt obligated to have any bridesmaids I didn't want.

However, I can sympathise with your position - bridesmaids are expensive and I wouldn't be choosing someone just to make others happy. BUT she will be your sister in law so it would be nice if you could involve her in some way - perhaps you could ask her to give a reading at the service?

guardiangirl

With regards to input I would say .... be careful! Don't let MIL or SIL take over any plans. I have seen a totally different side to MIL since getting engaged which is pushy and at times manipulative. I wish now (part way through the planning process) that I'd kept her more at arms length from the start. We always got on (and do still get on) really well, she's lovely - but some people push their own opinions rather than ask or listen to what you want!!

minerva_windsong

I originally only wanted one bridesmaid - my best mate who I've known for ten years. OH then suggested another friend of ours from uni which I agreed to as I'm quite close to this friend and she also lives in the city where we're getting married so has been hugely helpful as a scout for various things.


However, when I told my mum this, she asked why I hadn't originally asked my sisters (answer: they are several years older than me and I thought they would feel weird about being their little sister's bridesmaid). And then I felt like I couldn't ask my sisters and not ask OH's sister because it wouldn't be fair on her - even though neither me nor OH's brother's wife were asked to be bridesmaids. That sense of not wanting to upset people (I wouldn't necessarily say obligation) can be so strong at an emotional time like a wedding.


In the end both my sisters and OH's sister said no so I have only ended up with two bridesmaids. However they are involved in other ways - OH's sister and one of my sisters are doing readings and my other sister is a witness - so something like that might be an alternative job for your OH's sister if you want her to be part of the wedding.