Wedding budgets ? How much

tatabubbly

I think the budget thing is definitely a how long is a piece of string. I'm in Ireland which is pretty expensive and me and OH are paying for our wedding ourselves, 150 day guests and 50 evening guests for £12500.. I've used lots of bargains so far, but I think the issue here is the expectation of you to pay. Very thoughtless tbh

lika_86

SisterAct wrote: »

My daughter has just got engaged. They want to get married next August and have decided they must invite 125 to the wedding meal and another 30 to the evening ( very few family are on their list).
To me this seems a lot.
I am getting hints that I should be paying half as they have to buy a house. But everywhere they look at is £50 plus per person not including drinks etc.

What is the normal wedding guest size. I am getting daggers because I am being a spoil sport for suggesting the guest list is a bit big.

Firstly, they don't HAVE to buy a house, nor do they HAVE to invite 125+30 people.

Nor should you be paying anything towards their big party (that's essentially what most of a wedding is).

If you wanted to be generous and contribute then you have several options:

(a) What you can afford
(b) The equivalent cost of the marriage essentials rather than extras (ie. registrar costs etc)
(c) The cost for family members to attend

ruby_eskimo

We always said we would pay for the wedding ourselves and if others wanted to contribute then that's up to them. Hence why we've been engaged for almost 4 years. OH's parents have given us bits and pieces and his nan wants to pay for the cake but that's not to say that we didn't budget for that in our saving. As it turns out my parents are matching the cost of the venue for us but we're putting that money aside into the house fund pot. I would never dream of asking my parents to pay for my wedding; it's my decision to get married so therefore I should be the one to pay for it. We're only having 50 to the day and possibly another 30 in the evening and including the honeymoon it's coming out at just under £12,000 but its the day we want with the people we want. The budget is definitely something to be discussed, not dictated.

TBagpuss

Budget is how long is a piece of string. You need to look at it the other way around. How much (if anything) are you willing/able to contribute?

You need to be very clear with your daughter what you can do, and she nad her fiance will need to then decide what they want to do - they may decide to make the guest list smaller, they may chose to use some of their deposit savings to pay for the wedding, they may chose to go for a less expensive wedding, or to delay the wedding to given themselves time to save. Those are their choiices, but you should not be pushed into paying nay more than you feel you can comfortably afford.

When my sister got married 3 years ago, the guest list was about 100 people. There was no separate evening do, everyone was invited to everything. She and my BiL were paying for the wedding themselves, and wanted to stick to a budget - so rather than have the reception in an hotel it was in the village hall, we and they decoated the hall the evening before, and the food was done by a local caterer and was kept fairly simple. Sis and BIL did a cross channel run (they live on the coast) to buy the wine, and so on.

Unless you want to get involved in a lot of bargainhunting and shopping around, I would decide for yourself what you can afford and then tellthem that you will give them (say) £1,000 (or whatever you cab afford) towards the cost of the wedding and let them decide for themselves how they manage their budget and what they cut. Don;t offer them advice on ways tp ave money unless they ask for it.

If you would be planning to give them a wedding present as well as helping with the cost of the wedding it would be open to you to tell them that and offer to give them the money you would have spent on that, if they wish, towards the wedding, as your gift to them. Again, decide in advance what you feel you can reasonably afford and don't budge from that.

Above all, do not feel that you have to give them money just because they hint, or even ask outright, for it. Don't get drawn into any competition with your finace's parents. You don't have to match their contribution.

74jax

I don't think 125 for the day is excessive. I also think it's lovely they are actually inviting people they want, and not family that they maybe don't even send a Christmas card too. A lot of people can get roped into inviting family that they aren't even close to so they must have put some thought inot their list.

As for 'expecting' you to pay half, why on earth would they 'expect' this, surely if you offer something that's lovely, but certainly not expected.

If you were going to offer to contribute, then I would suggest you contribute a set amount and stick with it.

wendz86

I agree with everyone else. If they want that many people they should pay. My parents very kindly paid for my venue costs but i didn't know they were going to until just before the wedding so planned it based on what we could afford.

Buzzybee90

74jax wrote: »

I don't think 125 for the day is excessive. I also think it's lovely they are actually inviting people they want, and not family that they maybe don't even send a Christmas card too. A lot of people can get roped into inviting family that they aren't even close to so they must have put some thought inot their list.

As for 'expecting' you to pay half, why on earth would they 'expect' this, surely if you offer something that's lovely, but certainly not expected.

If you were going to offer to contribute, then I would suggest you contribute a set amount and stick with it.

Who really has 125 or 62.5 close friends? To be honest I wouldn't offer anything yet, you need to be sure about what they're expecting of you (which I agree with everyone else shouldn't be happening!)

Floss

When we married 4 years ago, we were on a package rather than a budget, 40 for the day plus 25 more in the evening.


We paid (mainly because we are independent) and had who we wanted at the celebration.


TBH, even though we were in our forties, we would have struggled to find 125 mainly friends to attend...unless we included my kids' friends and our friends' children ...

SisterAct

I really appreciate the comments , I haven't been sleeping because this has been really worrying me. It's helped me realise I am reasonable in my concerns.
Thankyou everyone

Paulaviki

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

Who really has 125 or 62.5 close friends? To be honest I wouldn't offer anything yet, you need to be sure about what they're expecting of you (which I agree with everyone else shouldn't be happening!)

We had 130 people to the day at our wedding. 60 odd of those were just my side of the family before we'd invited his family and our friends! Some people do have big families and lots of friends!