Wedding budgets ? How much

SisterAct

My daughter has just got engaged. They want to get married next August and have decided they must invite 125 to the wedding meal and another 30 to the evening ( very few family are on their list).
To me this seems a lot.
I am getting hints that I should be paying half as they have to buy a house. But everywhere they look at is £50 plus per person not including drinks etc.

What is the normal wedding guest size. I am getting daggers because I am being a spoil sport for suggesting the guest list is a bit big.

gettingtheresometime

I don't think 125 is excessive but given that you are being expected to pay half I think you need a very frank and honest conversation with both of them now.

Either they scale back their plans or they delay their wedding -assuming of course that you're still in agreement (and able to) to making a significant contribution

nearlyrich

My DD is getting married next year too they were prepared to pay themselves and have around 90 on the day list, mainly family as both sides are close and there are lots of us. Both her finac!'s parents and ourselves are happy to contribute but it was offered rather than expected...

ellesbellesxxx

You shouldn't be getting hints.... you don't have to give anything if you don't want to and certainly not half! my parents offered to give us money towards our wedding but we never for a second presumed that it was a given.
You have to cut your cloth accordingly... if we hadn't had money from my parents, I expect we would have had a smaller wedding or we would have waited longer to get married. We certainly wouldn't have put the pressure on. As it was, several people were borderline being invited to the day but have instead been invited to evening not day as we just couldn't justify it. We have gone for 80 day and 50 more for evening...plenty!

whitewing

If you are happy to pay some, just tell her the amount that you will contribute. Then she can sort the budget accordingly.

Lucky girl to have a contribution.

Bennifred

Unless you have offered (or hinted?!) that you want to pay anything at all towards their wedding, I think it is very cheeky of them to expect anything at all ! :mad: Let them pay for their own wedding - and house!

Otherwise, as whitewing says - tell them an amount you're willing to contribute, and stick to it!

Modgepodge

I think you need to say "I am willing to contribute £x" - she wil then have to decide whether to a) find somewhere cheap (£50 per head isn't actually too bad, if hiring isn't charged extra) b) invite fewer people or c) fund it herself.

We are looking at over 100 for dinner, 40 more for evening, but 75 of these people are family we 'have' to invite. (Not that anyone's said we have to, but siblings have recently been married and invited them all and we feel we have to.) I'd love to have more all day but what our parents were willing to contribute and what we were able to save limits us. We have chosen an expensive venue though, for a variety of reasons, mainly that very few in the area could have our number of guests!

Ruby_Roo

To me 125 during the day seems a lot, I thought we were going quite big with 86 (some of whom won't come)! Our wedding is coming in at £12,000 - our reception is £4500, dress/veil/underskirt £1500, photographer £1800 plus I've got 3 bridesmaids to dress from head to toe and 7 suits to rent (including OH). Other big spends will be the church £500, the car £400 (went for a fancy one!) and cake £476.

My parents told me what they wanted to pay and basically said anything else was down to us. One of my BMs is getting married too and her Dad has done the same. OH's Dad has paid for a particular thing.

Don't be bullied into paying a fortune which you don't have or don't want to part with. In my opinion they should get their priorities in order - are they getting married OR saving for a house. We'd had our house a couple of years before we got engaged but my BM and her fianc! don't have a house yet so they're saving for that and they'll sort out their wedding once that's done. Also, it's September now and she wants to get married next August - that's a sh*t load of money to find in 9 months (people want paying up to 10 weeks in advance).

CH27

Are you willing to contribute?
If so, I would tell her what you will contribute & she can cut her cloth accordingly.
Stand firm & don't let her pressure you for more.

JournalGirl

I would say ' we will give you £X, and it's up to you whether you put it towards the wedding, the house, or whatever'

then it's up to them to decide their priorities

Floss

If they want 125/155 with few family, then they should be expecting to cover the costs themselves.


If you are in a position to help, tell them how much / what you are happy to pay for / provide.

For example, when DS2 gets married I will provide their cake, and save them around £300-£400. Then they have musical friends so no organist or choir, and no band for the evening do. DiL2B has plans for other things to save money & use skills.