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Gitdog's guide to lap surfing.
elsien
Posts: 36,201 Forumite
1) Attain the position. My preference is for the without warning vertical take off and landing; other alternatives include the stealth lap crawl and the adoring eyed "I really really love you" upward gaze also works a treat.
2) Trample said lap mercilessly until comfortable. This will entail a degree of heavy footed stomping and you may notice "ooff" and "ouch" noises from above. These are a perfectly normal part of the process and should be ignored.
3) Choose your position. Personally speaking, I find the nuts in face, elbow in bladder, dead weight effect can't be beaten.
4) It is considered good doggy etiquette to show your appreciation of the lap in question by emitting gentle streams of gaseous matter at regular intervals.
5) Stay put. If correctly positioned, said lap will be unable to move without your considered agreement. Any associated swearing should be taken as a token of affection and met with an appreciative wag.
6) And sleep. If you've got it right, by this stage stroking will have become automatic. If not, return to stage 2 and repeat until successful.
2) Trample said lap mercilessly until comfortable. This will entail a degree of heavy footed stomping and you may notice "ooff" and "ouch" noises from above. These are a perfectly normal part of the process and should be ignored.
3) Choose your position. Personally speaking, I find the nuts in face, elbow in bladder, dead weight effect can't be beaten.
4) It is considered good doggy etiquette to show your appreciation of the lap in question by emitting gentle streams of gaseous matter at regular intervals.
5) Stay put. If correctly positioned, said lap will be unable to move without your considered agreement. Any associated swearing should be taken as a token of affection and met with an appreciative wag.
6) And sleep. If you've got it right, by this stage stroking will have become automatic. If not, return to stage 2 and repeat until successful.
All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.
Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
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Comments
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:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: BrilliantLight travels faster than sound - that's why you can see someone who looks bright until they open their mouth.0
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Love it, more please.
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Lol.................Yep...still at it, working out how to retire early.:D....... Going to have to rethink that scenario as have been screwed over by the company. A work in progress.0
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And my crew are busy laminating the printout for future reference.0
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ahh I love your stories of Gitdog
HBS x"I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another."
"It's easy to know what you're against, quite another to know what you're for."
#Bremainer0 -
elsien, you have a best seller on your hands. Publishers will fighting to get you. You have a way with words and that is a gift. No matter how crap I am feeling your posts always make me belly laugh. Thankyou xxxRIP TJ. You my be gone, but never forgotten. Always in our hearts xxxHe is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog.You are his life, his love, his leader.He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart.You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.0
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now, can we have 'Gitdogs guide to Obedience School'? Please? Pretty Please???????????
I love Gitdog (I think I may get a T-shirt with that on)0 -
Lap surfing photos...... for Evidence please?
"Things can only get better.................c/o D:Ream #The 90's"0 -
I second the guide to obedience school and also the way with words comments. Just brilliant ty!0
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chris_n_tj wrote: »elsien, you have a best seller on your hands. Publishers will fighting to get you. You have a way with words and that is a gift. No matter how crap I am feeling your posts always make me belly laugh. Thankyou xxx
Totally Agree!!! :T "Things can only get better.................c/o D:Ream #The 90's"0
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