How can you make some realise their level of anger isn't healthy

Faith177

My housemate has what I believe to be serious anger management issues but whenever I mention it too him he just says there is nothing wrong with him

This morning I was talking to my neighbour 2 doors down at about 7:45 next thing I know he is slamming his bedroom window shut shouting an swearing about people trying to sleep. He has to be up at 8 anyway to let a repair man in.

I also work with him at weekends and the staff an customers have also commented on his behaviour if something goes wrong he throws things, punches walls, swears and shouts and sometimes will storm off

He has been like this for years but it seems to be getting worst just lately

He use to do drugs when he was younger (he's 34 now) and I believe he still smokes weed.

Has anyone got any ideas on how to handle this before he hurts himself again (he's broken his knuckles before punching a bus stop) or someone else

19lottie82

This may, or may not be related to previous drug taking / weed smoking, who knows? I know plenty of people like this and the majority of them don't smoke weed and have never taken drugs. However, back to the main point......

There's not really anything you can do here, this guy is your housemate, not your spouse or child.

The only way he can change is if he admits that he ahs a problem and decides he wants to do something about it.

The only real advice I would give you is to remove yourself form the situation / room, whenever he kicks off.

Do you really want to be living with this guy?

Faith177

He is a really nice guy usually just if something upsets him the whole world knows. I hardly see him to be honest by the time he's home from work I'm in bed and I leave before he gets up.

CH27

Faith177 wrote: »

My housemate has what I believe to be serious anger management issues but whenever I mention it too him he just says there is nothing wrong with him

This morning I was talking to my neighbour 2 doors down at about 7:45 next thing I know he is slamming his bedroom window shut shouting an swearing about people trying to sleep. He has to be up at 8 anyway to let a repair man in.

I also work with him at weekends and the staff an customers have also commented on his behaviour if something goes wrong he throws things, punches walls, swears and shouts and sometimes will storm off

He has been like this for years but it seems to be getting worst just lately

He use to do drugs when he was younger (he's 34 now) and I believe he still smokes weed.

Has anyone got any ideas on how to handle this before he hurts himself again (he's broken his knuckles before punching a bus stop) or someone else

Management need to be sorting that out ASAP.

Faith177

He is the deputy manager which is part of the problem the main manager is a lazy sod so leaves my friend to do everything while he sits upstairs in his flat. My friend then gets stressed out because he is having to cook in the kitchen if there is no chef in as well as do all the management stuff on the main bar and outside bars.

When he asks for help the main manger just says it's all going ok delegates a couple of jobs out and goes back upstairs

pickledonionspaceraider

Not really your issue to sort, I think. He is a 34 year old man, if it were me, I would be looking for a new housemate

Faith177

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Not really your issue to sort, I think. He is a 34 year old man, if it were me, I would be looking for a new housemate

I don't want to give up on him though his family are a nightmare and belittle and insult him at every turn if I kicked him out he'd have nowhere and no-one he is a really good friend to us he even went and looked after my mum when she was recovering from surgery it's just his temper

PasturesNew

By the sounds of it he's had people walk all over him all his life - and his current employers are doing the same. Nobody cares, nobody listens to him.... doesn't matter what his problems are he has to just suck it up, suck it up, suck it up ... while others get an easy ride.

I think Assertiveness training would do him more good. He's legitimately angry at the world ... and needs to learn how to be assertive when dealing with people like his employers etc .... so his anger doesn't last 24/7

pickledonionspaceraider

You can't take other peoples problems on as your own though Faith, haven't you just got married? (from your sig) - what does your OH think?

A single bloke living with a married couple can't go on forever being included in your life plans, what when you want kids, etc

Georgiegirl256

I feel sorry for the poor guy. His family are horrible to him, his boss dumps on him. The poor guy is probably stressed to the hilt.

He maybe isn't sleeping properly either, which also contributes to stress and grumpiness. It seems like he's got a lot on his mind.

Whilst 7.45 isn't overly early, if people were talking loud enough from two doors down so that it kept me from sleeping, I'd be slamming the window shut with a few choice words too tbh!

Be a friend and sit down with him and ask him if any things bothering him, if he'd like to talk about anything. It sounds like the poor guy might be grateful for a shoulder to cry on, a person to talk to.

Oh, and maybe he should start looking for another job, one where he'll get more respect than he does now.

He sounds like a good bloke deep down. Looking after your mum, that's lovely.

Faith177

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I feel sorry for the poor guy. His family are horrible to him, his boss dumps on him. The poor guy is probably stressed to the hilt.

He maybe isn't sleeping properly either, which also contributes to stress and grumpiness. It seems like he's got a lot on his mind.

Whilst 7.45 isn't overly early, if people were talking loud enough from two doors down so that it kept me from sleeping, I'd be slamming the window shut with a few choice words too tbh!

Be a friend and sit down with him and ask him if any things bothering him, if he'd like to talk about anything. It sounds like the poor guy might be grateful for a shoulder to cry on, a person to talk to.

Oh, and maybe he should start looking for another job, one where he'll get more respect than he does now.

He sounds like a good bloke deep down. Looking after your mum, that's lovely.

This is pretty much it in a nutshell he is a lovely person but he spoils himself because of his anger when he flips.

I think I'm going to have a chat with him he has 2 weeks off now for his birthday so hopefully he can catch up with himself and when he is a bit more chilled have a chat